9 year olds out on their own

[Ineedtorunaway]

Hi, Just want some other peoples thoughts on this. My DD went to a friends house on Friday for a playdate. I was told the dad was going to take them to the park. When DD got home I asked if they went out and she said yes, total of 3 girls and 2 boys from their class went to the local park with no parents. It isn't far from the persons house, about 3 streets away and only side roads to cross.

I'm not sure if I'm more up set that they were allowed to go along or the fact I was told the dad would be taking them and then went alone.

My DD hasn't had any experience of going out like that before and I know she will have to at some point but surely that should be my decision to make?

I think 9 probably is ok for this if it's a park within an estate and the other kids know their way to/from. Ive a 9 yr old and would probably be ok with it, although it would make me anxious. However, they should definitely have text/rung you to check in, I'd be the same as you, pretty cross that decision has been made for you. It's also daft of them, because if something had happened that is then an incredibly difficult chat that says "we let them out alone without you knowing and now your child us hurt/missing etc".

The ones who live in safe areas?

That isn’t what was in my mind, no.

I'm quite surprised hiw many people are ok with their dc being out without an adult. I do agree that chikdren need the chance to ne independent. My care 8 and 9 and go out together, the 9yr old has a phone. But honestly, I'm absolutely in the minority to allow them out a bit they don't go far, and it's a work in progress, but quite a few of my mum friends are quite horrified by it!

Interesting. Do parents restrict independence because a child lacks maturity, or is the child less mature because their parents give them no independence?

Or let her out without a phone, like kids almost everywhere.

Phones are arguably more dangerous than going to the park.

Mostly the latter I'd say. Maturity is a process that you develop, not something that just happens to you. So children become more mature by having more responsibility and independence.

Well both get to the same place for someone else’s child. If they don’t have the experience, they might not be ready. If they aren’t ready, you shouldn’t be the one to give them the experience.

My daughter has anxiety. She’s ready for everything like this far later than my younger son. She was 10 before she’d walk to school on her own and my son was 8 - and asked to do it earlier. So some of it is just about the child you have and other parents won’t necessarily know this.

Doesn't your daughter having anxiety make you want to give her MORE independence? Anxiety isn't something you "have" or "don't have" in perpetuity. It's something you breed by not exposing her to situations that make her anxious, or reduce by helping her to see she can do way more than she thinks.

On my estate I've known kids play alone from as young as 5 which to me is too young! We live right next to a kids park which is small so from 0-5 they were supervised fully, then I started watching them from my drive and then I would keep an eye on them whilst I washed the car or something.

Last year was the first year both kids were allowed to play on their own with me in the house and they were 6 1/2 and almost 9. I posted about it and the reactions were very much "don't do that, they will get kidnapped" but in my eyes the risk of kidnap is so low it's not worth worrying about. They are old enough not to go with randomers and whilst they couldn't put up a fight against a grown man I couldn't either.

They are now allowed to walk around the corner to their friends house and their friends of the same ages do the same and let them come to us and the park so there is usually a big group of them including a 12 year old. No roads to cross, no drug users hanging around on corners so it's a good start to increasing their independence and it's done them a lot of good.

My eldest is allowed to walk home from school if I wanted him to but that's a bit of a jump for us yet so something we will implement as of September when he starts year 6. I'm going there anyway so I'll more than likely see him and he has a phone so he can call me if he needs to.

I was allowed similar freedom as a child, by 10 I was definitely walking to the village shop, to my friend's houses without supervision. The area was more rural and smaller so the only difference was less cars but also the main road in my village had no pavement, everywhere round here does.

I would rather get told by a parent if my kids were going out unsupervised somewhere not on my estate and I make mine tell me where they are going so I know roughly where they are.

The world is terrifying but we as parents need to learn to let go in age appropriate ways to prepare them for adulthood.

Well she’s autistic so things aren’t always going to go in a straight line.

and of course we work on it. Things just take longer. She’s 12 now and walks herself to school, goes into town with friends, takes herself to dance class etc etc. But she wasn’t ready at 9. My son was ready for lots more by 8 so I didn’t hold him back. We are practicing going to the shops for him now as he can speak to strangers. My daughter, again, couldn’t do that at his age but is better at it now. I’m definitely not over protective about these sorts of things, I just know kids aren’t all the same.

I'd say that was a bit different then. You carry on being autistic all your life whereas anxiety is not permanent.