Abusive ex husband begging to come back back saying he doesn’t remember the past

[FastMintSheep]

me again 🙂 long story short I left abusive husband after 17 years he is a Muslim man I am a white woman I say this because I reverted to Islam for him in the end I was forced to cover up,prayer etc so were my children,he was physically,emotionally and financially abusive to us,at the time he was taking a lot of illicit tablets and he ended up trying to take his life he also ended up with psychosis he became quiet and withdrawn the abuse stopped he changed completely I ended up looking after him for around 3 years but in the end I couldn’t take it anymore,he has turned into a slob hardly acknowledging us,doesn’t wash ,no motivation I hate him,I took my children left the city and now we are in temporary accommodation all happy,my ex husband does not leave me alone constantly phoning texting etc,he said he will change,he will do anything I want,my children don’t want him back, he has never begged me before like this,he said he doesn’t remember the stuff he has done and he’s sorry he is begging for one more chance,I don’t love him at all but I feel sorry for him I don’t know what to do

Thankyou so much I appreciate your reply

Please block his number. Things feel more visceral when they pop on your phone and you feel you can't ignore them. Much easier to ignore an email.

And then do talk here if you feel like wobbling. You have virtual support here.

Amd repeat to yourself ' he did this to himself, I am not responsible for him'

Why do you feel sorry for someone who has done such awful things to you and your children?

Yes your right thankyou

I think I’m so used to been told what to do by him I almost feel like I can’t think for myself I know that’s hard to understand

Thankyou

But you can, and you've proved it by getting away!

That was very brave and took planning. And you did it.

I honestly don’t know I know I’m been stupid I feel like I need to be told over and over again

When are you getting a divorce OP? Is your marriage registered? (a legal marriage) or was it a nikkah?

Yes I know your right I think I just need reassurance 🙂

No it was a nikkah it wasn’t a legal marriage thank god

when he says he doesn’t remember the past you reply ‘well it’s a good job I do’ then block him.

Well have some reassurance from me. You can do it because you already have. When you left, you didn't know if you could because you never had. Now you know you can. And you and your kids are happier. You've already done the hard bit.

He’s lying. Of course he remembers.

Keep running. Do not change your mind.

My ex was abusive, not physically but emotionally and when I left there was a period of adjustment needed. You are traumatised and your body is used to all these stress hormones as constantly walking on eggshells.

I’d highly recommend the freedom program snd also get out in the fresh air. Take little mindfulness breaks and begin to find your inner peace. I used to do a little ten minute standing up yoga session on a bridge at dawn when I walked the dog.

Sounds silly but it’d make feel really centered for the whole day. If you find something similar that works for you then a little trick is to focus on those feelings of quiet strength and gently press a pressure point on your hand or wrist.

Then if feeling stressed, deep breathe, press thst same pressure point and it’ll bring you back to those feelings.

Eomens aid also run counselling sessions for dc to help them come to terms with their feelings.

So you are free of him! Get yourself sorted where you are and enjoy your well deserved freedom. You will get stronger and happier. Don't have unnecessary communications with him - block the phone, and if you must keep a channel open email is a good idea, preferably monitored by someone for you, so that you can ignore anything you don't need to see. Breathe deep, shake your shoulders to loosen them, hold your head high (you have a great thing removing yourself and Dc from this), and enjoy your life.

Do not get back with him. He absolutely does remember, he's just trying to manipulate you. This is what my former step dad used to say and even turned on waterworks for effect.

You don’t know what to do? Easy - change your number and move far away.

Whatever your religion, your first duty is to protect your children from this sorry excuse of a man who can't even acknowledge what he's done.
Don't respond, except to say " I don't want any contact from you and if you continue I will go to the police with a view to having you charged for harassment".

I think you’d get punished by him if you went back. It would escalate and his hold would intensify, and your kids would not be pleased with you and keeping a relationship with them is more important.

You ignore him. This is still a form of abuse. Never ever go back to him.

do not let him back.

Stay away! The hard bit is over. You have your children with you. You are safe.

Any chance he finds to demean you, he will use it. Please think about blocking him. Use email only, and only respond if it’s with regards to access to the children. (Might be a good idea to engage a family law solicitor regarding this).

Think of your future, temporary accommodation will not be forever, look forward to moving into your forever home. Safe, away from this awful man.

You have already started on your new life, please don’t invite him back into both yours and your children’s life.

Is he the father to your children?