Abusive ex husband begging to come back back saying he doesn’t remember the past

[FastMintSheep]

me again 🙂 long story short I left abusive husband after 17 years he is a Muslim man I am a white woman I say this because I reverted to Islam for him in the end I was forced to cover up,prayer etc so were my children,he was physically,emotionally and financially abusive to us,at the time he was taking a lot of illicit tablets and he ended up trying to take his life he also ended up with psychosis he became quiet and withdrawn the abuse stopped he changed completely I ended up looking after him for around 3 years but in the end I couldn’t take it anymore,he has turned into a slob hardly acknowledging us,doesn’t wash ,no motivation I hate him,I took my children left the city and now we are in temporary accommodation all happy,my ex husband does not leave me alone constantly phoning texting etc,he said he will change,he will do anything I want,my children don’t want him back, he has never begged me before like this,he said he doesn’t remember the stuff he has done and he’s sorry he is begging for one more chance,I don’t love him at all but I feel sorry for him I don’t know what to do

This.

Please do not allow this cretin back into your life.

Why do you keep posting when we pretty much all tell you the same thing over and over again?

Put your children first. Do not go back to him. He's a bad Muslim and a terrible father. Enough now.

I don’t love him at all but I feel sorry for him I don’t know what to do

Do you think it's best for the kids that you go back?

He remembers. He’s just found a neat trick which means he can continue to manipulate you without taking any responsibility for his abusive behaviour.

Oh, come on. What do you mean you "don't know what to do"?

You not only don't love the man, you go so far to say you hate him. Your children don't want him back.

Why are you even asking the question? I genuinely don't understand.

This. And stalkers help line. Report him and get it on file from the get-go.

Are you serious? I read your last thread. Your husband is an abusive malicious arsehole, you’ve managed to find safety and you’re considering going back? Please get some counselling and do the freedom programme as I suggested on the other thread before you ruin yours and your children’s lives. He won’t change. They don’t change. They suck you in and it all starts again.

I think PP have said it all

Send him text & email telling him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone, then block him on all channels. Keep these as evidence so if he tries to contact you again you can report him as stalking you & seek a restraining order.

If he wants to see the DCs it's done via a court order & in a contact centre so you and the DCs are safe

I have no doubt that, since his pleading hasn't worked, he will move onto threats of suicide, threats to snatch your children.

Stay strong. 😘

Im not sure why you feel sorry for him.
He has wrecked you and your childrens life and you had to leave and live somewhere else, find a new home because of him.
What exactly has he done to prove he's a new man - I'm guessing nothing apart from pretend he doesn't remember anything.
Did he remember to eat, drink, take drugs, go to the toilet. If so he hasn'y forgotten anything.
Don't be a fool.

An abusive person rarely changes they either get better at manipulating you or they get worse.

You and your children are more important here don't risk it.

He is trying reel you in by changing the history. Block him.

Block him and move on with your life. His words are all self-serving bullshit.

You and your children deserve better. You've done the hard part, you've extracted you and your children from a miserable life. You owe it to them to keep going and not look back. Give them the future they deserve.

He absolutely remembers what he did. How convenient to claim otherwise!

He is trying to manipulate you by denying reality and playing the victim--and if you are starting to feel sorry for him, then it's working. That alone should be your wake up call!

Stay strong. He is doing whatever he can to get back in your life so that he can abuse you all over again.

I have not been in your situation but I have very abusive parents. They pulled the same thing on me after I managed to cut them out of my life (which wasn't easy). The moment I opened the allowed them back in, they reverted right back to their old ways. They also claimed to not remember anything I brought up, played the victim, etc. This behavior is straight out of the abuser's playbook.

By conveniently forgetting their own behavior, the abuser absolves themself of all accountability.

Nothing has changed!!!!

You are right my children are my priority

You get a restraining order placed on him, and change your phone number. You keep on running in the other direction. You get therapy for yourself and your kids to help you heal from the years of abuse and trauma. You forget all about him and live a happy life with your kids.

I voted YABU for even thinking of having him back. You need to stay strong for your kids. Block him and move on with your life.

He can take his pity party elsewhere

You say no. "No" is a compete sentence. (I can't believe you are even asking this. You have your children to think of!)

He’s lost his servant and he’s trying to get her back. Nope, put your children first and don’t engage. Go for child support.

First answer nails it

Do you have family and friends from before your marriage for support? Are your children settled in school? Does he know where they are at school? I’d be tempted to use your maiden name or your mother’s maiden name as a day-to-day surname for them if you want to help them feel that they are not being controlled by him from afar. They can change their surname without parental consent at 16, so that their GCSE and A level certificates are in their chosen name.

He doesn’t remember the past. Luckily, you do. Do NOT let him back into your life.

He abused you and controlled you and now he's harassing you. You don't love him, in fact you clearly say you hate him. Your children don't even want a relationship with him. Why on earth would you even THINK of getting back together?

Tell him not to contact you again. If he wants to see the children, he can pursue that and get a court-appointed go-between. His past abuse will have worn down your boundaries and destroyed your defenses. He's relying on the possibility that you are still weakened by what he did to you and can be bullied into letting him back in. DON'T. You have already done much more for him than he deserves and much more than any reasonable person could expect. Go live your life!

Please don't fall for it @FastMintSheep
If you feel yourself weakening then come back here and we will bolster you up until you feel strong enough to stand up to him.

You know perfectly well what to do.

Your duty to yourself and your children.

That includes protecting yourself and them from this lying, manipulative abuser.

He knows perfectly well what he did. Sadly, he may believe what he did was justifiable on the grounds that you are only a woman and therefore his property. Too many men believe this.

If you have an income and a home through your own efforts and he doesn't - that's his fault.

Head back to your own beliefs, whatever they may be.

Tell him to leave you all alone.

Report him to the police.

Block him.

Get on with your moves, secure you've done the right thing for your family.

You don't owe him anything. You and your children are better off without him. Stay strong and don't look back.