Abusive ex husband begging to come back back saying he doesn’t remember the past

[FastMintSheep]

me again 🙂 long story short I left abusive husband after 17 years he is a Muslim man I am a white woman I say this because I reverted to Islam for him in the end I was forced to cover up,prayer etc so were my children,he was physically,emotionally and financially abusive to us,at the time he was taking a lot of illicit tablets and he ended up trying to take his life he also ended up with psychosis he became quiet and withdrawn the abuse stopped he changed completely I ended up looking after him for around 3 years but in the end I couldn’t take it anymore,he has turned into a slob hardly acknowledging us,doesn’t wash ,no motivation I hate him,I took my children left the city and now we are in temporary accommodation all happy,my ex husband does not leave me alone constantly phoning texting etc,he said he will change,he will do anything I want,my children don’t want him back, he has never begged me before like this,he said he doesn’t remember the stuff he has done and he’s sorry he is begging for one more chance,I don’t love him at all but I feel sorry for him I don’t know what to do

He doesn't miss you, he misses having someone to skivvy for him.

Ignore him, block him, don't let him back into your life.

What do you do.....you know what the answer here is deep down...you keep running from an abusive man who has ruined your life until you managed to escape. If you could which you can't with children I'd block his number.

Of course you know what to do. Of course you do.

Work on stopping feeling sorry for him. Remember what he did to you and your children.

No No No NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!

No feeling sorry for him. Stop that feeling right there.
Stop the contact… just STOP!
Have a really good talk to yourself.
You have escaped an abusive relationship. Keep moving forward on your path to a better life, looking after your kids and freedom to live without fear. Do not go back - please!!!
Whether he remembers how he treated you is NOT relevant . His abuse still happened and you remember it.

There are so many sad threads on here of women who are trapped, frightened, sad, coerced…. You are now out of your situation… why would you put yourself back in it?????

Change your phone number so he can’t contact you anymore.

You do know what to do. You keep him away from your children and put them first

It’s only because he has lost control and his carer/substitute mummy/punch bag/someone to belittle to feel better about himself and taken back control and he wants it back.

Thankyou I think that’s what I need a bit more support

They all come up with these lies and rubbish
the children do not want or need him
you are safe so stay safe
block him from your phone
work with your children to make a good life for you all
he made his bed let him lie in it
God bless

DO NOT GO BACK. Your line that said we are happy. My children do not want him back. That's your answer right there. He sounds awful do not bow down to it. Change all your details and don't tell him. Good luck op!

Part of the reason that you have strong impulses to take him back is that you are 'bonded' to him.
But this bond is not a good thing! It's not a loving, kind bond, instead it is what's generally referred to as a trauma bond, created by the intense emotions that you experience in an abusive relationship.
Distancing yourself, turning down the emotional heat- these are the kinds of things that can help the trauma bond to subside and fall away, freeing you from the impulses to take him back.

Yes I know

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

This is by Dayna Craig, and it is so true

You are 100% right thankyou

Are you the same poster where he wanted you to give him money after picketing the kids DLA money for savings they will never see?

Even if not I’d still stay gone, give your kids a chance at growing up in a peaceful and happy home free from abuse.

my children don’t want him back,

Seems they have more sense than you!

I feel sorry for him I don’t know what to do

Why on earth do you feel sorry for him?

Did he ever feel sorry for you when he was being physically, emotionally & financially abusive to you?

You do know what to do-you have already done it!

Come.on @FastMintSheep

Time to find your anger.

For everytime he hurt you.
For everytime me he upset the kids.
For everytime he made you question yourself.
For making you feel guilty now, when HE should be the one feeling guilt and accepting the consequences of his terrible behaviour.

Each time you find yourself starting to feel sorry for him, stop and reflect on how many times he showed you love, compassion and kindness when you needed it.

Write down all the plusses of being apart & reflect on it often.

You can do this.

you don’t have relationships with men you feel sorry for.

Btw he remembers just fine. It’s you he wants to forget it, so look sharp and don’t bother with him.

Your kids don't want him back.

That is all you need to focus on.

@FastMintSheep He is a nasty, filthy slob that doesn't deserve you or the children.
You are all happier without him.
He wants a slave.
Keep running.
Tell him he can only contact you by e-mail. These can't be deleted. Set up a dedicated e-mail address for him, not your usual one. Block him on your usual one.
Block his number.
You are in charge of when he gets to contact you.
Be happy.

For the sake of your children (and you, of course!) please don't take a step backwards and allow him back in to your lives.
Be clear to him that you don't want any contact from him (this is his was of continuing an aspect of control). If you need help you can contact police or services that will help you to stop his contact.

This. And then block.

Yes I am

No I know what I have done is for the best but he has such a hold on me