Just arrived on holiday with sisters kids

[EllyRoff]

They’re driving me insane already. I’ve never known kids so messy. Within 5 minutes of being here a full glass of juice was spilt over the sofa. They wander around with their dinner plates gravy spilling everywhere, potatoes falling onto the floor and getting trod on, squished into the carpet - the place looked like a disaster zone by the first evening.
yesterday morning they had cocopops for breakfast, one whole bowl got knocked off the table onto the floor, chocolate milk everywhere. Sister completely unbothered by it, just scrubbed it with her foot. One of them then got a yogurt out, ripped the lid off - yogurt splattered up their clothes. Lid chucked on floor (naturally landing face down on carpet). She then spun around resulting in yogurt going flying everywhere, all over the sofa and up the glass of the patio doors.

We went to a nature park, everything was pristine, Nephew got a milkshake, it ended up all over the table, all over his hands and face and then when he went to put the carton in the bin he somehow managed to get milkshake all down the front of the bin.

its driving me insane and I have another week of this. I’ve banned them from my bedroom after they trod mud all over my white duvet.

sister thinks I’m being uptight so there is already tension but I’m starting to feel myself feeling really frustrated with the kids. There is no respect for anything.

Come off it. Are you saying this level of spilling/dirtying/general trashing is normal kid behaviour? Because it just isn't.

In which case, I'd leave them to it and go home. Let your sister be the responsible one. It's supposed to be nice this week - sit in the garden with a glass of wine and a book.

Given that this is the first time you’ve met them, I can understand why you might not realise they were messy and annoying…oh wait, not the first time you’ve met them! WHY IS IT A SURPRISE THAT THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE????

if you can’t deal with mess and kids then you shouldn’t have put yourself in this environment.

also your sister shouldn’t accept them misbehaving if that is what they’re doing

Surely the children's dad is going to arrive and clean up the cumulative mess?

At least you've carved out some clean and quiet space in the bedroom. I'd be encouraging the children to eat outside as much as possible; at least outdoors can be hosed off. Otherwise don't be shy about asking your sister to do her share of the tidying and emergency spill cleaning. Just ignore her "uptight" patter and repeat the request if necessary. Or try throwing out anything that gets left out or is causing an issue - the children's muddy shoes, stained clothes, furniture. She'll take action soon enough if inaction becomes inconvenient, and since she's behaving badly and rudely she can hardly complain if you do too.

How will spanking help? Not that I would ever agree with it anyway, but why would you hit a child for something they aren’t doing deliberately? It’s not as if they’re wilfully trashing the place … and even then. Maybe the sister needs spanking for not supervising them better. Or for failing to pass on the coordination gene.

Do you have children? Would you spank them for this?

Did you read the thread? Sister is at fault not op.

I'd be back home with my feet up by now. That's no holiday for you OP.

If milk isn't washed out of the carpet properly, it will stink to high heaven.
Made that mistake once in the car.

Your sister can’t be arsed to parent or supervise them properly. Ultimately this isn’t your problem but it kind of is for the next week or however long you’re away for.

I think just try to grin and bear it and then never go away with them again.

clumsy young children are irritating, even more so when they’re not your own!

oh and it’s not your job to enforce the rules, they’re not your kids and this is your holiday too! So in this scenario the whole “it takes a village” and all that can fuck off!

Your friend was being nice to offer you to stay with her. I understand your point of parents being tired after a busy day.
But it’s not her fault she was uncomfortable with all the chaos because she invited you. Perhaps she couldn’t imagine how it would be with 4 kids. Looks like she learnt her lesson and won’t insist on you staying with her.

Also, maybe you are new because there are many posters on this website who are not parents themselves. The site has evolved from being a website only for parenting tips and support.

Assuming you dont have DC with you, then why worry if you're on your phone!

I would be fucking horrified if my DC acted that way, and would be seriously considering going home

You are doing great as a parent. But you are not fair to op, saying she is unreasonable based on one example and ignoring all others in her post.
From what you wrote, it seems like you wouldn’t shove the dropped food by your foot and let kids walk away eating and dribbling food so why you think op should think it’s normal and accept it?

That’s your life and people around you. Op does not have to follow your ways.
We don’t know her life and relationships outside this holiday. She is not relaxed on holiday, and that’s what counts.

Why do posters like you make it about you. Problem are not clumsy kids. Here op’s sister is not helping kids at all.

Op, like another poster suggested talk to your sister. Why can’t she help open the yogurt pots, or clean when food is dropped or help kids carry food outside if they want to eat out.

I was going to come on and say you are going to get stuck with 50% of a decontamination cleaning bill but if it's in her name....

They all sound like they should be in a zoo.

Good luck with the rest of the week. I would have to come up with an emergency at home if holiday time per annum was in short supply.

Spanking is an outdated discipline in many countries, I agree, but the mother does need to instruct the children, aged 4 and 6, to deliberately sit at the table, deliberately take off their shoes inside and deliberately behave in a more acceptable manner.
Discipline can be used. Food taken away until they are sitting, no coming inside until their shoes are off. Time out immediately for throwing food etc. No ice cream for sloppy eaters etc etc.

She said she sort of tried to wipe it away with her foot. That sounds a lot like the lack of energy and executive function caused by depression to me. One of the worst parts if having small kids is constantly having to go on your knees to wipe up crumbs, dropped food and spilled rubbish. Absolutely detested it and it was physically difficult to muster up the energy to do it after a while. I can easily see how someone can get so overwhelmed with small children that they just give up on those tasks.

Do I agree with the parenting here, no. Would I let it ruin a good relationship with my sister and her kids, also no.

There could be loads of reasons why your sister isn’t setting boundaries here. Totally at the end of her tether, exhausted, having problems with her marriage, ill, kids won’t eat if ar the table, kids finally getting a break after a tough time etc. One of my children had a food aversion and we were specifically advised that forcing some kids to stay at the table for hours was counter productive. Or it could be that she has a totally different parenting style. I agree I don’t think it’s good not to set boundaries but perhaps this is a battle she just can’t fight at the moment.

Either way, if her name’s on the booking it’s between her and hoseasons, and I’ll be willing to bet they’re seen worse.

I have different behaviour boundaries to my sister but I have learned not to interfere and just explain to my kids that we do things a big differently and it’s none of their business what my sister does/ doesn’t allow my nieces to do.

In your position I would try to gently and kindly set some boundaries with the kids (lets sit outside, come and chat at the table while we eat, oh look your lid’s on the floor let’s pick it up and I will show you the bin) and see how she reacts. But if you can’t stand it yes, you’d be within your rights to go home. I’d make an excuse about work or not feeling well myself.

I’d beware of going overboard though, this will improve and you going full Hyacinth Bouquet/ Trunchbull on the situation is likely to be very badly received.

🙄

Sounds like you should have booked them into a Zoo OP. Nightmare.

Gross and really poor parenting.

I'd tell her, "Under no circumstances am I participating when you lose the deposit. Your kids are completely trashing the carpet. Nor will I be scrubbing the carpet.
They need to sit at table, or eat outside.

Well if they’re knocking that much bloody stuff over than I’d say they are clumsy actually. Also I’ll comment what I like, thanks! ☺️

agree. These children have not been taught to eat at a table, or to be careful with plates of food. They’re actually being ‘taught’ to be careless and disrepectful of others’ property by the mother’s inaction (whatever you permit, you promote).

I’d firstly teach them the rule of being careful with food. Then I’d teach them to say sorry and help clean up spills.