Just arrived on holiday with sisters kids

[EllyRoff]

They’re driving me insane already. I’ve never known kids so messy. Within 5 minutes of being here a full glass of juice was spilt over the sofa. They wander around with their dinner plates gravy spilling everywhere, potatoes falling onto the floor and getting trod on, squished into the carpet - the place looked like a disaster zone by the first evening.
yesterday morning they had cocopops for breakfast, one whole bowl got knocked off the table onto the floor, chocolate milk everywhere. Sister completely unbothered by it, just scrubbed it with her foot. One of them then got a yogurt out, ripped the lid off - yogurt splattered up their clothes. Lid chucked on floor (naturally landing face down on carpet). She then spun around resulting in yogurt going flying everywhere, all over the sofa and up the glass of the patio doors.

We went to a nature park, everything was pristine, Nephew got a milkshake, it ended up all over the table, all over his hands and face and then when he went to put the carton in the bin he somehow managed to get milkshake all down the front of the bin.

its driving me insane and I have another week of this. I’ve banned them from my bedroom after they trod mud all over my white duvet.

sister thinks I’m being uptight so there is already tension but I’m starting to feel myself feeling really frustrated with the kids. There is no respect for anything.

It's her parenting that is the problem or lack there of. I have 3 kids and 2 of them would easily do as you've described if they were left to their own devices. They have to be parented and quite frankly kept in check. My home is lived in and you can most certainly tell I have children but i dont want to live in a shit tip so we have rules. So here all meals are eaten at the kitchen or dining room table. We don't eat whilst walking around, they sit to eat. No food in bedrooms, everyone participates in cleaning up.

You have options. One you can bide your time, instil some boundaries and get on with cleaning and never do a shared trip again. You could just cut it short, make an excuse or tell the truth. Thirdly you could be honest with her and say that she needs to actively parent her kids and she isn't. This option is likely to make her defensive and get her back up and could possibly lead to a fall out. Option 2 could lead to a fall out too. Depends whether you are the type that wants an easy life or who prefers stuff out in the open.

Whatever option you go with it helps how your frame it and the language you use.

Sounds like lazy parenting. TBH my sister is similar. She asked me to go away with her next year and my kids and I said no as I knew it would be a disaster.

Leave and find somewhere else to stay. It's that simple. You aren't compatible in terms of your expectations on cleanliness and manners and you'll both have a miserable holiday if you continue to stay together.

It’s good that you put your foot down about the children not going into your bedroom. The lack of care of themselves and their environment is abysmal and depressing.

Could you go a few steps further while you are at it, and cheerfully insist on a bit of learning
No drinking or eating unless sitting at the table
No carrying drink or food around.
All spills and splashes must be immediately cleaned up properly under supervision.
And explain why the rule is necessary, as they are old enough to understand now.
At least this holiday will have been worth something if you can get your point over and your sister would probably appreciate your help.

The cost of extra cleaning and cleaning/replacing soft furnishings that are stained and caked in food, hikes up the price of holidays for everybody.
Children (and their mother it seems ) have to begin to learn that very simple fact as well as a bit of self-pride.
The children might remember the holiday where aunty helped them smarten up.

I used to childmind - as many as 6 kids under 8 (and a few more older ones, including my two, so often 10 at the table). Only had a spillage - at the table - once. This is not OP being harsh or uptight. It’s a parenting issue. Children should learn from toddlers not to walk around with their food and that if they have asked permission to go and eat outside, they ask an adult for help with their crockery (in fact the adult should be proactive on this and say ‘yes, but let me take your bowl/plate/cup outside as we don’t want to spill it over the nice floors, do we?)

As parents we teach children manners and respect by doing… am guessing DSis probably walks around the kitchen/living area eating too.

I genuinely think she accepted this holiday just so she could bitch and complain about the kids. I actually feel sorry for her sister with the kids, I'd be really hurt to find out my sister had such contempt for a 4 and a 6 year old.

Go home OP you sound horrible to be on a holiday with. 4 and 6 is tiny

I would leave straight away i've got 2 boys 20 and 24 now but no way would i let them behave like that when they were younger

I don’t care how old they are, they should have been taught not to drop rubbish and not to smear food into the floor! They sound horribly behaved and your sister sounds like a lazy parent.
If they want to eat outside, why doesn’t your sister carry their plates out to avoid mess?
I would honestly go home!

Do you think this is completely acceptable behaviour from the kids and their mother, then?

And 6 is not 'tiny' ffs.

neither is Four to be fair! At that age my kids were tidying their own bedrooms (with a lot of help and guidance, of course). It was an activity that we would do together, teaches them to be respectful and how to enjoy a nice home.
Sadly it’s much easier to sit and scroll through your phone and ignore your kids whilst they run riot.

God what is their house like?!! Sound ferrel and your sister is a lazy parent

But their not smearing things and creating a mess on purpose are they? Their dropping things or knocking things, It sounds like their clumsy and don't pay attention, there's a big difference.

OP isn't saying their behaving badly and being rude ect . She's complaining about small children being messy

If they are like this at home too, then why would she expect holiday to be any different? Her posts about it are just moaning about small kids knocking things over and not sitting still. Surely she knew they were like that before she went away with them

Because kids being messy is normal. Accidents and spilling things happen, especially when they are very little. But it's also clear that there is a lack of boundaries for where food is eaten, modelling cleaning up or teaching the kids how to avoid some messes, so the parents can and should do more here.

OP it sounds like you going away with your sister and her kids isn't for you so best just to leave or get a different place to stay. Although it sounds like your sister and her partner aren't giving the children guidance in cleaning up and eating at the table etc, at 4 and 6 years olds kids are prone to creating messes and spilling things so some of this is to be expected. Food falling off the plate because they aren't eating at the table I can understand the fuss but a kid accidently spilling milkshake is something you would expect to happen.

Well, no, she doesn’t. She’s an adult who has free will presumably.

Kids can be messy and spillages inevitably happen but letting spuds and gravy drop and be squished into the carpet is next level and ridiculous. It’s a difficult one, I’d imagine your sister wouldn’t appreciate criticism of her parenting skills. If you are having a horrible time I agree with the suggestion of leaving/finding somewhere more peaceful to stay. Or just having a good break away from them during the day if possible.

They should use table for all food and drinks. An adult should bring any full plates to table. Anything dropped on are carpet or sofa should be cleaned up immediately.

Yes, children are messy and clumsy, that's why a parent should do some parenting and make them sit at a table to eat, not wonder around with a plate full of gravy, dripping it over OTHER peoples property.

Your absolutely right. So why is she on here complaining about the children and calling them scruffy and barely saying anything about her sister?

She's absolutely within her right to be annoyed at the ADULT but she's being nasty about 2 small children. Her anger is misplaced and I feel really sorry for those kids

Problem is, this is ingrained parenting, you can't fix it on a 1 week holiday. She clearly doesn't expect them to sit at the table or be careful with drinks. Sometimes kids are just messy (they spill, they drop crumbs) but basic parenting to avoid major mess is to get them to sit at a table, get them to use a napkin, get them to use coasters for drinks and clear their plates/cups away, put rubbish in the bin etc.
There's almost no point being annoyed at the kids, they don't know they're doing anything wrong.
So you're not unreasonable to expect kids to behave more carefully, but you can't just suddenly expect them to change their ways when this is how they've been raised. So you're kind of unreasonable to expect this holiday to improve at this point.

I reckon you either let it go, it's hoseasons they will be used to it, try and relax and enjoy as much as possible. Or head home and leave them to it. I think maybe telling your sister you feel like they're particularly messy might help air it for you, but it won't change them this week.

I’d find that unbearable to be honest.
Can you leave ?

That's really not how read it, to me it seems like she's just listing what they've done, but seeing as she's there, maybe she's fed up with the kids too because she can see they aren't even trying and just don't care. I'm not seeing nastiness.

Oh - I agree. I'd be leaving straight away. I just meant that she was having to suffer the mess at the moment, but obviously she doesn't have to stay.

Er... maybe she's 'on here complaining about the children' because without the context of what the children are doing, we wouldn't be able to gauge whether we thought she was BU or NBU?

And it's pretty obvious (to me, anyway) how frustrating she's finding her sister's failure to parent.

Well, put it this way. If you had/have kids the age of these, were/are they like this? And if so, what did/do you do about it?