Just arrived on holiday with sisters kids

[EllyRoff]

They’re driving me insane already. I’ve never known kids so messy. Within 5 minutes of being here a full glass of juice was spilt over the sofa. They wander around with their dinner plates gravy spilling everywhere, potatoes falling onto the floor and getting trod on, squished into the carpet - the place looked like a disaster zone by the first evening.
yesterday morning they had cocopops for breakfast, one whole bowl got knocked off the table onto the floor, chocolate milk everywhere. Sister completely unbothered by it, just scrubbed it with her foot. One of them then got a yogurt out, ripped the lid off - yogurt splattered up their clothes. Lid chucked on floor (naturally landing face down on carpet). She then spun around resulting in yogurt going flying everywhere, all over the sofa and up the glass of the patio doors.

We went to a nature park, everything was pristine, Nephew got a milkshake, it ended up all over the table, all over his hands and face and then when he went to put the carton in the bin he somehow managed to get milkshake all down the front of the bin.

its driving me insane and I have another week of this. I’ve banned them from my bedroom after they trod mud all over my white duvet.

sister thinks I’m being uptight so there is already tension but I’m starting to feel myself feeling really frustrated with the kids. There is no respect for anything.

Can you afford to move into a nearby hotel room?

Could your sister be depressed? Some ultra-relaxed mothers of feral kids are actually disassociating because they don't have the energy to monitor and clean up the constant messes. Kids need discipline as well and some parents literally cannot be arsed to get angry because they would self-destruct. Instead, they just go completely numb and let the kids wallow in self-generated mess and filth.

Thank goodness its booked in her name @EllyRoff , that's all I can say! Jeez.. That would drive me insane. I can actually feel your exasperation from here, (also, 2nd hand embarrassment would be a thing too with me). What's your sister's attitude like when you have to tell her kids off? (Cos I'd be telling them off, and her. If it was my situation, and I could sort out my own transport, I'd be off back home!) Sending you hugs and love, this must be so damned difficult.

I don't think I could take much more of it, @EllyRoff I'd either be cleaning behind them or I'd be heading home. Is it just you or do you have children with you too?
Your sister simply doesn't see the chaos caused because she is used to that level of mess. My old neighbour wanted my cleaner to go do for her too. It would have needed at least a couple of hours to tidy up before she could start to actually clean. My neighbour couldn't understand why she would need to tidy before the cleaner arrived. She was so used to all the toys being out, piles of washing everywhere, dirty dishes on the counter because the clean dishwasher hadn't been emptied. I suspect your sister is the same.

My neighbour couldn't understand why she would need to tidy before the cleaner arrived. She was so used to all the toys being out, piles of washing everywhere, dirty dishes on the counter because the clean dishwasher hadn't been emptied. I suspect your sister is the same.

This doesn't sound like a person who's just "used to chaos". It's sounds like textbook mental illness. You can have a high tolerance for noise or mess but a living space has to be reset regularly for everything to function. Having the mess pile up or being unable to unload a dishwasher are red flags for depression.

Wow. Kids can be clumsy and careless but they should be told everyone and should at least help clean up the mess especially at age 6. Never share accommodation with them again!

Their behaviour can’t be a complete surprise to you, though? I mean, you presumably do already know them, and agreed to go, knowing what they’re like?

This.

What possessed you to presumably take annual leave to go on what is inevitably going to be a stressful and expensive holiday?!

Mine are too, so we don’t hand out food until they are sitting down. And they have learnt to jump and help clean up! Not just go ok we all live in filth now.
banning them from your bedroom is pretty reasonable anyway I’d think.

And I hope it's not been booked in your name as you might get charged for damages

What was the understanding that you booked the holiday on? Was it all to have a break together, or for you to come to help out with the kids? I think I'd either find some other things to do during the day on your own and catch up with your sister in the evenings, or cut your losses and head home- it doesn't sound like it's going to be a relaxing or enjoyable week as it is...

Kids obviously do spill things but yhey absolutely shouldn’t be walking around with their plates and throwing things on the floor unless they’re literally babies younger than one.
and your sister should absolutely be cleaning up after them/ kids helping to clean

I bet your children were well behaved and didn't throw food around! The kids in the original post sound positively disgusting.

I agree. I could never ever holiday with anyone unless I witness first hand how they parent their kids. There is only one friend that we ever holiday with, because they are very similar to us. I cannot stand badly behaved children, just cannot.
just leave op, this isn’t a holiday and your sister is actually a very poor parent by allowing all of this. She’s also the type where her kids make a big mess at a restaurant and she just leaves it as is and walks away?

Have you got any kids?

It just sounds like you're ot used to having kods around.

They don't behave perfectly.

And they like to run around- maybe even when it's food time.

Obviously sister should be telling them. But it's not easy with 2 young kids.
If you aren't happy just don't go with them next time.

I have kids.

I don't accept that feral and messy kids are normal. It's at best lazy parenting.

yogurt going flying everywhere, all over the sofa and up the glass of the patio doors. That' s not normal.

Even worst, is that their mother is not immediately cleaning the mess they're making. That's why they are a nightmare, because their mother doesn't care and encourage them.

This is firmly on your sister, not on the children. My DD has evolved into a messy teenager but at such a young age everything was fine, as I was the one who had it under control.

Your options are either to let it go while on holiday and never holiday with them ever again or sit her down and have a serious chat about it.

I would walk out and tell her that she is supposed to be nurturing children to make their way in the world and her poor parenting is going to see the children being ill equipped to behave properly at school and in other peoples houses as they pay no care or attention to basic manners and have no respect for their surroundings.

It’s absolutely gross behaviour.

I had three step children, two of my own and my husband was/is often away on business and all of mine sat at the table with food and drink so if she pulls the ‘can’t cope being a single parent, it’s a load of crap and she’s just lazy.

My husband lets my kids splash and spatter food everywhere because he is too lazy to teach them basic manners. It's very frustrating, and also rude to ruin furniture and clothes with food. There's not much you can do apart from make your feelings clear to sis and let them get on with it. You should also make it clear and fine/deposit deduction will come from her end!

Ok yes there are some things there that I can understand would be annoying, kids should sit when they eat, the yoghurt issues could have been avoided. But maybe your sister is just trying to have a nice holiday and be a bit more relaxed than usual. Kids are exhausting! They are messy and do knock stuff over, think you need to chill out a bit about them being kids.

Surely you were previously aware that your sisters children behaved liked this?

It's lazy parenting. Or 'loving neglect' as a friend of mine once described parents like your sister. Raising children takes time, effort, energy. Children need to be taught not to put their bowl/milk/whatever on the edge of a table. Not to run through the house with a bowl of cereal in their hands. Not to run barefoot on someone else's bed. I could go on. This does not mean you have to be strict all the time (not at all!), or that the children can't have fun. They just can't have fun at someone else's expense. If you have to clean all the time because they have not been taught to pay a little attention, than they may have fun, but you don't - that's when you know something isn't right. Just think of why teachers are leaving their profession in droves. This is why. Because so many children aren't 'raised' anymore, not taught to listen to basic, friendly instructions ... they are basically being 'let to grow up' with an adult in the room, but the adult does not actively 'raise' them. No-one can step in either - they say it takes a village to raise a child, but nowadays most people don't want others to help raise their children, because no criticism is allowed! We must all mind our own business! Well this is the result. You sit there and watch it unfold, and there's nothing you can do. Good luck OP, so sorry you are finding yourself in this situation!

With respect, being on your own while DH is away does not resemble being a single parent.

However, the sister here is in the wrong and needs to parent her kids.

At this age I just remember repeating over and over again "sit on your bottom, on your bottom not on your foot, no you cannot kneel on your chair, no you cannot leave the table, sit back down, no you cannot use your hands, no you sit down I will get you another glass of water, no you must stay in your seat until you're excused..."

Yes it's boring and exhausting and repetitive but eventually they get the message. And sometimes we would change things up by having a picnic in the garden where they could run around, or have finger food for dinner, or watch an animal documentary together as a family while they ate and talk about it as it happened, etc.

I have to clean holiday cottages, there's not much other work where I live, so I've been doing it on and off for years. My heart sank when I read this, for the poor cleaner who has three hours to make this place pristine for the next guests. I can't see someone who rubs cocoa pops into the floor with her foot doing a thorough departure clean.
Yes, ok, we are paid to do it, but it used to be unusual for guests to have such little respect for somebody else's property, but it has got so much worse. You really wouldn't believe what I have to clean up, or how many people can't flush a toilet. People are just selfish f*s nowadays!

You need to tell your sister that if the deposit is not refunded in full because of any damage or excess mess then it's on her to pay it, not you.

If you don't have children of your own yet then things like this can be a real eye opener, but these kids sound particularly feral and your sister sounds like she doesn't really give a shit. The need to be sitting still at the table, not wandering around with sloppy food.