Manager asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow when I’m not working tomorrow

[PondAndSea]

I’m a kinship foster carer to 2 family members children.

I also work full time. A few weeks ago I told my manager that I won’t be working tomorrow (9th June) as I’m attending our local fostering service conference (arranged by the council that I foster under). Work never officially agreed to me having the day off for the fostering conference but they never said no either, I basically just told them I wasn’t working that day because I was attending the fostering conference which is important and work or my manager never actually said yes to it but they didn’t say no either.

Today my manager has rang me up asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow morning and then has got very annoyed with me when I reminded him that I wasn’t working tomorrow because I’m at the fostering conference. He’s known for weeks that I’m attending the fostering conference tomorrow so won’t be working that day, and it’s only one day and I never have any time off (except annual leave. But I’ve never been off sick or anything).

My manager is now very annoyed that I won’t be at the meeting tomorrow that he wants me to attend.

AIBU to think he shouldn’t be annoyed at me over this?

There’s not a lot that I can do though as I need to attend the fostering conference and it’s only one day! He also knows that I will catch up on any work missed tomorrow as well.

Totally right. 1 day us usually something like this or a kids sports day, a hosue viewing, car maintenance, a last minute boob job cancellation... those kinda things you don't know about 2 months in advance.

Absolutely wild to ask people to be ok with that. I wonder if it's in your contract or something you get told after you join...

Also what is the work meeting about tomorrow because for a manager to ring on a day off/the weekend, it may be something very important like an announcement is going to be made?

Or he replied "Ok" to the info for that one too, didnt prepare and has now realised that he is going into an important meeting without the OP who he was relying on to do the work for him.

Lets face it, which one is more likely?!

Appreciate you may need to go for support with something specific, but could you check the agenda and attend part of the day to support your manager, so just skip any networking, celebrate foster carers and other fluffy bits. If you're worried about missing bits with that approach, can you ask the council to send you the training materials from the foster conference? These sort of conferences are likely annual but the local authority needs to help any new foster care in the interim, so you should still be able to access resources.

Ok is yes, but I would still expect you to have then applied for it as holiday. As a manager I'd have assumed you were telling me because it was shorter notice than standard, to which he said ok. But you wouldn't get through day off 'for free ', so you'd then put in for holiday.

You didn't, so it isn't in the system anywhere that you'd be off today.

Not sure why you'd be expecting this to be a bonus day off? I get that you 'have to go', but this is nothing to do with your job or employer, so you need to take it out of annual leave

Not sure why you'd be expecting this to be a bonus day off?
Depends on the employer, lots offer some additional time off for foster carers, especially within the first year of placement. Still needs to be logged properly but OP realised that now.

I would have taken OK as confirmation too.
Manager has fucked up and knows it, hence his repeatedly contacting the Op on her day off to try and persuade her to change her plans. She has an email with his agreement that she attends this officially run day as part of her responsibility as a foster carer.

If you felt sorry for manager you could reiterate - can't come, my fostering meeting is mandatory but is there any thing I can help prepare /docs I can send/info you need reviewed before the meeting? And get in there and control the narrative - are you scheduled for the meeting, can you send a 'not attending message ' in advance, or a summary of your input /any docs needed to the chair ? Don't let your manager make you out as flaky or 'the problem' when you are not there.

I would also raise the issue of scheduling /2 months notice and your foster duties with HR and more generally - go in softly, because you are feeling caught in a bind between essential fostering arrangements and work scheduling and wonder if there's a better way to arrange things so you are fulfilling both duties.

He never said yes either though, did he?

"Ok" is a yes. The only issue is it not being on any absence system, if that even exists for OP (which we don't know).

Ok sounds like a yes to me, though it depends on the exact wording of OP’s original email.

It does sound like a strange organisation if you are that sure you will never be sacked.

Are you in the NHS where they need to sort out rotas two months in advance hence the restrictions?

anyway, as an aside, I’m so glad that there are some children who are not in the care system because of kinship carers like you.