Manager asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow when I’m not working tomorrow

[PondAndSea]

I’m a kinship foster carer to 2 family members children.

I also work full time. A few weeks ago I told my manager that I won’t be working tomorrow (9th June) as I’m attending our local fostering service conference (arranged by the council that I foster under). Work never officially agreed to me having the day off for the fostering conference but they never said no either, I basically just told them I wasn’t working that day because I was attending the fostering conference which is important and work or my manager never actually said yes to it but they didn’t say no either.

Today my manager has rang me up asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow morning and then has got very annoyed with me when I reminded him that I wasn’t working tomorrow because I’m at the fostering conference. He’s known for weeks that I’m attending the fostering conference tomorrow so won’t be working that day, and it’s only one day and I never have any time off (except annual leave. But I’ve never been off sick or anything).

My manager is now very annoyed that I won’t be at the meeting tomorrow that he wants me to attend.

AIBU to think he shouldn’t be annoyed at me over this?

There’s not a lot that I can do though as I need to attend the fostering conference and it’s only one day! He also knows that I will catch up on any work missed tomorrow as well.

I agree with this. Ok is an affirmative.

Unless it specifically concerns the children that you foster, why do you?

Right so he did say OK in an email?

Regardless, since it hasn't gone through the proper process you should have added it into his calendar (and yours, and your teams) because people forget

I would have taken "ok" to mean that it's fine for you to take the day off. But I'd have clarified how it would work if it couldn't be taken as annual leave. Are you still expecting to be paid for tomorrow? You say you'll catch up with the work but presumably you are contracted to work a certain number of hours so will you actually make up this time somehow?

OK is agreement to it, that's the same as saying yes.

Why do you need to attend?
It's a conference, not training, and just "i need to attend" doesn't explain the need

You are out of order here. You are being paid to work. Either you take leave or you work.

You should have ‘asked’ not told your boss that you WANTED to take short notice leave. I think this would count as highly desirable but not mandatory for you to attend.

I think you need to take this as a lesson learned and next time try a bit harder to formally take it as AL (despite the short notice) if it’s something you absolutely have to attend.

I’m surprised with such seemingly rigid processes in place around AL that you thought you could just take an extra random day off.

It's your responsibility to ensure it you checked with your manager, do you want me to take annual or how would you like me to manage it? Once confirmed you then send out a Teams invite to let everyone know you are off that day. Your manager most likely gets hundreds of emails a day and probably can't remember all of them!
Your approach is a little off really, telling your manager you won't be in! No wonder they just said okay. I know it's essential, but you could have said I'm very sorry for the short notice but there is a fostering conference day in three weeks, as you know I'm a kinship fosterer therefore I am expected to attend. Would you mind if I took the day off.... Just sounds a bit nicer. For future reference.

That’s confirmation in my book & you have in writing.

Could you not have booked it in as unpaid instead of annual leave? Or dependant leave (or something similar).

Fuck it then. Apologise for the miscommunication and go.

Well, this is why schemes for employers to be ‘Fostering Friendly Workplaces’ are important.

Fostering isn’t a hobby or just something people do for satisfaction, it is also beneficial to society as a whole. The parallel with jury service isn’t perfect but it is similar.

It should probably fall under some form of special leave?

I did word it a bit like that and not too blunt, it was worded as a tell and not an ask though, but I’ll take that onboard for future reference

I am going to the conference anyway but he keeps messaging me annoyed about the meeting and how the meeting is important etc!

I think it’s a communication issue. I think you should have asked and followed process for requesting time off in your work rather than just tell them. Even reassuring your manager that you’ve checked team’s availability and how it’s not going to cause any issues. Unfortunately your manager has every right to decline in this case if it affects business operations. If I were you I would still plan to go to the conference but give him a call first thing to apologise for the misunderstanding and how you will make sure it won’t happen again. Also look at any compromise e,g if conference starts at 10, can meeting be brought forward to 9:15 and you can attend via Teams till 9:45 from the venue’s car park or quiet room. Best wishes.

Why do you need to go? What happens if you don’t?

My god, the comments on this thread are ridiculous. Don't worry about it @PondAndSea , you informed them three weeks ago, he responded with "ok".

You've nothing to worry about, as if this went any further, the fact he's called you on a Sunday, on your day off, and the ridiculous 2 months notice for AL alone would mean they haven't a leg to stand on.

This could probably be classed as 'parental leave' potentially. Although ACAS could advise on that.

Listen, he can't sack you over this, don't sweat it. As another poster mentioned, why did he call you today if he thought you'd be in work tomorrow? He obviously knew you'd not be there but decided he'd literally boss you around and try to stop you going at last minute. Dick.

Did you book it off as annual leave, or have authorised absence - if not, regardless of your sickness record you are being unreasonable.

Oh give over!

Having seen your update I'd say that you're both to blame.

However as you know how rigid your workplace's annual leave process is, I'm surprised that you genuinely thought what you had done was sufficient.

It’s a genuine question! There’s a big difference between “if I don’t go my kinship foster placement could be at risk” and “I just want to”. One is “your boss needs to suck it up, it’s essential” and the other is “you should have booked it formally as annual leave and if you couldn’t do that, you can’t really go”.

Well this is another thing that would only land him in trouble should he take this further. He should not be harassing you with messages showing his annoyance on YOUR DAY OFF. Jesus, this man is a sulky power hungry dick.

I’m surprised the OP is being given such a hard time. She told her manager three weeks ago that she needed to go to a fostering conference; he said OK - which I would have taken as permission. Her manager then phoned her on a Sunday (no excuse whatsoever for this) to say she was expected in tomorrow - I can only assume he had been through his emails and had realised that the OP would be away tomorrow. Calling someone about work on a Sunday is thoroughly out of order. I don’t think the OP has done anything wrong, and I think the manager has been very unreasonable.

Which has been asked so many times already. It's none of our business and OP has stated plenty of times that she must attend as part of her role as a foster carer. No one needs to question this!

ETA: When I quoted this the comment only stated "It's a genuine question"