Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling a day out due to misbehaviour.

156 replies

survivalinsufficient · 07/06/2025 22:59

Unsure who is being unreasonable here.

Family day out is planned to a country house type place. Grandparents, Uncle&Aunt, parents and their 3.5 year old all going. Plan is to meet at parents house and go from there (all couples in their own cars).

When grandparents arrive, 3.5 throws a full mug of tea all over his grandads legs/feet. Just completely random, but a real pattern of behaviour here that parents are trying to work on with their child. It hurts Grandad, tea all over carpet, everyone a bit upset. Both parents are a bit stressed.

Child refuses to apologise for bad behaviour. One parent then decided that they are not going on the day out. Working on consequences of actions with child at the moment - bad behaviour, no apology, day out with family cancelled.

Grandparents and Uncle&Aunt don’t undermine parents and although are sad they go on their way to the day out. When they’ve left - other parent goes mad. Thinks it’s complete overreaction, thinks won’t impact child’s behaviour, ruined a day out for the whole family over what they consider a small incident.

Now caused massive disagreement within the family. Who was in the right? Was this an overreaction?

OP posts:
dontsweatthesmallstufff · 08/06/2025 12:01

RedBeech · 08/06/2025 06:24

In that situation, I would be very cross with the child because they hurt someone. But I prefer consequences to punishments. So I'd make them wipe grandpa's leg clean and dry and kiss it better and put on some arnica so it doesn't bruise and scrub the floor where tea spilled and help grandpa choose clean trousers and put the stained one's in the washing and say sorry to everyone for making the day start late. Lots of cause and effect action so they understand why everyone is upset.

This is a perfect response. Cause and effect consequences.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/06/2025 12:04

Surely it's up to grandpa if he wants the 3 year old to be wiping his legs. I'd only be open to doing that if he was comfortable.

user2848502016 · 08/06/2025 12:18

The child deliberately picked up the tea and poured it over grandad?! In that case yes actually I would have been furious and cancelled the day out. 3.5 is old enough to know that’s not acceptable.

Morningsleepin · 08/06/2025 20:35

Stompythedinosaur · 08/06/2025 11:01

I think that you don't have a brilliant understanding of child development if you think a 3.5 yo has a full of understanding, of course they don't! Their brain isn't anything like an adult's brain.

The fact that a 3.5 yo can understand and articulate what you want them to do is a different skill from being able to restrain their impulse in the moment.

I think the person at fault is whoever left a hot drink where it could be accessed, and cancelling a day out will not change anything. I also think it was very rude to the extended family.

Your comprehension skills are somewhat lacking. The drink was cold but was thrown alone with the cup.

I've noticed that even babies can deliberately hurt when they are angry, so I doubt a child who is nearly is so profoundly ignorant

Stompythedinosaur · 08/06/2025 21:26

Morningsleepin · 08/06/2025 20:35

Your comprehension skills are somewhat lacking. The drink was cold but was thrown alone with the cup.

I've noticed that even babies can deliberately hurt when they are angry, so I doubt a child who is nearly is so profoundly ignorant

Well, that was a very rude response!

You are expressing an unfounded view. There's plenty of factual information available about normal development of young children.

But, since you jumped straight to insulting me, I assume you already know you're incorrect and are trying to avoid a debate.

TheOccupier · 08/06/2025 21:49

DC sounds reasonably articulate and is aware they did wrong... so have you asked them why they did this?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page