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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp gave sil my bottle of wine

97 replies

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 14:32

I’m not happy. A few weeks ago I won a bottle of wine I can’t drink it because I’m pregnant and not a wine drinker anyway but my sister is and I told him I plan on gifting it to her for her birthday that is next week. It’s a £50 bottle. I had it stored in a cupboard. I just went looking for something else and happened to notice the bottle gone so I asked Dp and he said oh I gave it to sil the other day. His sister has a drinking problem as well I should add. It’s started a bit of a argument now because one I don’t think he should be giving her alcohol when she has a problem and two it wasn’t his to give away and three I now have to get my sister another gift. He’s saying I’m unreasonable and blaming pregnancy hormones but I think I’m not because of the reasons Iv stated. Il add when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet.

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 07/06/2025 14:39

He needs to replace it. It wasn't his to give away, and he knew it wasn't going spare, as you'd told him. He can go and buy the exact same bottle, out of hi own pocket, before you need it for your sister's birthday. Cheeky fuck.

sesquipedalian · 07/06/2025 14:39

“when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet.”

So DH knows his DSis is an alcoholic and is enabling her? Why didn’t he just say that with Irishmammy being pregnant, we don’t have any booze in the house? Just so wrong on every level.

user7843209785 · 07/06/2025 14:40

I’d say he's being very unreasonable giving someone with a drink problem booze…as well as it not being his to give away. Get him to buy a new one for your sister.

Happyher · 07/06/2025 14:42

He should pay for a replacement bottle

BangersAndGnash · 07/06/2025 14:43

And having done it he should bloody well apologise and replace it, not be blaming you and ‘hormones’ .

Did he know it was an expensive bottle?

What an idiot.

PoliteSpud · 07/06/2025 14:44

He gets a replacement

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 14:44

I predict a LOT of threads about this partner and relationship once you give birth op. All of a similar vein.

flumposie · 07/06/2025 14:45

He needs to replace the bottle for your sister

Nearly50omg · 07/06/2025 14:46

for gods sake don’t marry him!!!

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/06/2025 14:48

What’s his justification? On what basis is he claiming you’re being unreasonable?

Inertia · 07/06/2025 14:51

Partner needs to buy an exact replacement for your sister.

He then needs to stop giving away your stuff to his sister.

MrsClatterbuck · 07/06/2025 14:52

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

Op wasn't going to gift it to the sil but her own sister

grumpygrape · 07/06/2025 14:52

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

OP was going to give it to her own sister not her alcoholic sil

Anotherparkingthread · 07/06/2025 14:53

As a former lush, what a waste of good wine lol. If it was a crap bottle I imagine you would be less annoyed.

You won it, it wasn't his to give away, it was expensive and would make a nice gift for your sister which you had already told him.

He's a selfish tit and he needs to buy a replacement because it wasn't his to hand out to somebody else.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/06/2025 14:53

MangoBiscuit · 07/06/2025 14:39

He needs to replace it. It wasn't his to give away, and he knew it wasn't going spare, as you'd told him. He can go and buy the exact same bottle, out of hi own pocket, before you need it for your sister's birthday. Cheeky fuck.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Except I'd probably also rip him a new one for trying to deny responsibility for his own shitty behaviour, and trying to gaslight me that I'm overreacting because of pregnancy hormones.

Original poster
Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 14:59

I wasn’t giving his sister the wine I was giving my own sister the wine. Iv told him he needs to go buy the same bottle out of his own money now. His whole family are aware of her problem but make excuses for her or pretend it doesn’t exist. His excuse for giving her it was she was desperate. He knows it was expensive because when I won it I said how much it cost and that it was good I won it so I was saving money gifting it to my sister. His sister has already caused a few issues in our relationship and I had thought after a chat with him before it was the end of the problem but it’s creeping up again. He said I’m unreasonable because it’s only a bottle of wine and wasn’t a big deal. Funny how he hadn’t said anything to me when he did it

OP posts:
MoominMai · 07/06/2025 15:06

Happyher · 07/06/2025 14:42

He should pay for a replacement bottle

This. Make sure any replacement gift comes out of his pocket!

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 15:06

MrsClatterbuck · 07/06/2025 14:52

Op wasn't going to gift it to the sil but her own sister

Show quote history

Sorry, my bad - read it wrong.

Endofyear · 07/06/2025 15:07

He needs to buy you a replacement bottle. And he's a shit brother, enabling his sister's addiction.

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 15:07

MrsClatterbuck · 07/06/2025 14:52

Op wasn't going to gift it to the sil but her own sister

Show quote history

Yes, sorry - read it wrong.

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:07

And a child would soon be introduced in to this 😞

Michele09 · 07/06/2025 15:10

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

She was giving the wine to her sister not her sister in law

Original poster
Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 15:11

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:07

And a child would soon be introduced in to this 😞

Iv kept my older children away from his sister and will be doing the same with little one. I grew up with an alcoholic in my extended family and won’t put my kids threw it

OP posts:
Anotherparkingthread · 07/06/2025 15:13

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 14:59

I wasn’t giving his sister the wine I was giving my own sister the wine. Iv told him he needs to go buy the same bottle out of his own money now. His whole family are aware of her problem but make excuses for her or pretend it doesn’t exist. His excuse for giving her it was she was desperate. He knows it was expensive because when I won it I said how much it cost and that it was good I won it so I was saving money gifting it to my sister. His sister has already caused a few issues in our relationship and I had thought after a chat with him before it was the end of the problem but it’s creeping up again. He said I’m unreasonable because it’s only a bottle of wine and wasn’t a big deal. Funny how he hadn’t said anything to me when he did it

He's minimising. It was equivalent to 50 pounds. Would he think it was okay to £50, that was yours, out of the cupboard and give it to his sister?

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