Page 2 | Dp gave sil my bottle of wine

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:14

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 15:11

Iv kept my older children away from his sister and will be doing the same with little one. I grew up with an alcoholic in my extended family and won’t put my kids threw it

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I meant with warring parents that don’t seem to respect or even really like one another very much

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:14

Is this your first child together?

Velmy · 07/06/2025 15:15

I do have a bit of sympathy for him giving his sister booze. Denying an addict - especially a loved one - can be an awful experience. Sometimes it's easier to cave.

But yeah, he owes you that bottle and he's a prick for suggesting that it's a non-issue, when you've clearly and reasonably told him it is.

diddl · 07/06/2025 15:16

when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house

Why didn't he just tell her that there was nothing?

What a fool.

He might as well have poured it down the sink.

Does he agree with you about keeping the kids away from her?

BobbyBiscuits · 07/06/2025 15:19

If he replaces it then I'd say that's the issue rectified. As long as he doesn't do it again.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2025 15:19

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:14

I meant with warring parents that don’t seem to respect or even really like one another very much

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What are you saying that OP’s done wrong? She didn’t steal something expensive or enable an alcoholic? She’s correctly annoyed at his arsehole behaviour. Who wouldn’t be. Put the blame where it’s due.

FOJN · 07/06/2025 15:19

I don't think his sister being an alcoholic should be part of your argument it suggests you wouldn't have minded if he'd given it to someone without a drink problem.

The wine belonged to you and was not his to give away. He is refusing to accept you have legitimate grounds for being annoyed about his conduct because he does not see you as a separate individual to him; what's yours he has every right to do with as he pleases. To add insult to injury he's blaming your hormones like a good little misogynist. If it's no big deal to give it away it will be no big deal to replace it, insist he does.

It won't be the last time you post about him. Good luck parenting with such a selfish man.

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:19

FOJN · 07/06/2025 15:19

I don't think his sister being an alcoholic should be part of your argument it suggests you wouldn't have minded if he'd given it to someone without a drink problem.

The wine belonged to you and was not his to give away. He is refusing to accept you have legitimate grounds for being annoyed about his conduct because he does not see you as a separate individual to him; what's yours he has every right to do with as he pleases. To add insult to injury he's blaming your hormones like a good little misogynist. If it's no big deal to give it away it will be no big deal to replace it, insist he does.

It won't be the last time you post about him. Good luck parenting with such a selfish man.

Yup

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 07/06/2025 15:20

Blaming your pregnancy hormones to cover his stupidity? What an arsehole.

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:21

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2025 15:19

What are you saying that OP’s done wrong? She didn’t steal something expensive or enable an alcoholic? She’s correctly annoyed at his arsehole behaviour. Who wouldn’t be. Put the blame where it’s due.

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Op has done nothing wrong

however I doubt this partner has suddenly out of the blue become like this.

fact is…. Whoever is wrong or right, I still find it bloody sad to think of a baby entering this situation.

Original poster

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 15:23

Yes it’s our first baby together. Wasn’t really planned I honestly thought I was going into perimenopause. He’s in agreement with me in some way about keeping baby away he said she won’t be left alone with baby but personally I feel untill she admits she’s a problem and seeks help I would prefer to not have baby near her. We agree on almost everything else but when it comes to his sister it’s different. I told him he could have just said we had nothing in the house and saved an argument. He’s now agreed to give me the money to replace the bottle but I think il wait till the day of to purchase it. While I do feel for his sister and the family I feel they also should be trying to help with some tough love sort of thing not cave into her.

OP posts:

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 15:25

What’s he like as a step father?

godmum56 · 07/06/2025 15:25

usual question really. Apart from getting you pregnant, what does he bring to the party?

godmum56 · 07/06/2025 15:26

FOJN · 07/06/2025 15:19

I don't think his sister being an alcoholic should be part of your argument it suggests you wouldn't have minded if he'd given it to someone without a drink problem.

The wine belonged to you and was not his to give away. He is refusing to accept you have legitimate grounds for being annoyed about his conduct because he does not see you as a separate individual to him; what's yours he has every right to do with as he pleases. To add insult to injury he's blaming your hormones like a good little misogynist. If it's no big deal to give it away it will be no big deal to replace it, insist he does.

It won't be the last time you post about him. Good luck parenting with such a selfish man.

This.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/06/2025 15:30

Are you ok with the fact he's tried to make you feel it's no big deal? What next of yours is he going to give away?

Daleksatemyshed · 07/06/2025 15:32

He gave it too her because she was desperate for a drink in the early hours of the morning, how bad does his Dsis drinking problem have to get before they wake up and do something instead of pretending?
What's worse than wasting a £50 bottle of wine (that wasn't his to give away) that should have gone to your DSis will be what happens when your DC is born. You need to have a really clear conversation with your DP, his family won't admit SIL isn't a safe person to see your baby on her own, they'll brush it under the carpet again.

pimplebum · 07/06/2025 15:54

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

sil has drinking problem

wine was for op ‘s sister who has no drinking problem

moose62 · 07/06/2025 16:01

Why not get him to give you the money and then buy something other than a very expensive bottle of wine for your sister.

Cranarc · 07/06/2025 16:06

Bother. I clicked YABU by mistake. You are certainly not being unreasonable.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/06/2025 16:07

This may sound a bit on the brutal side... but if you really want to put your foot down about her being around your baby when she's got an ongoing drinking problem... I think you need to say something to her directly... and make it clear that you won't move on this point. He gives in to her, as your bottle of wine issue showed, and kept saying it wasn't a big deal...so the chances are he won't really make it clear enough. I feel sorry for him as it's a difficult place to be, he's probably told by his parents to be supportive too.
I'm glad he's understood you and is giving you the money back... My mum used to give my clothes and belongings (things I'd saved up for and struggled to buy) away to my much older, high earning sister as "gifts" from my mum to her... and would have a massive meltdown if I ever dared to protest, I was selfish, ungenerous, a mean bitch etc...My sister wouldn't give the items back either. Now that I'm older I realise I should have stood my ground, but it feels too much like one is proving the negative things they've said. You know it wasn't all pregnancy hormones.

Manxexile · 07/06/2025 16:08

@Irishmammy2 - "... I'Il add when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet."

Can you clarify?

His sister texted him to ask if you had any booze in the house at 1am.

So his sister doesn't live in your house, yet he went to the trouble at 1am in the morning of getting your bottle of wine and taking it round to his sister whereever she lives?

What on earth!?!?

I have some experience of alcoholism and if his sister had already drunk all her stash of booze there is no way that she physically needed an alcoholic drink at 1 in the morning, regardless of what cravings or physical symptoms she was experiencing. She could have waited til the morning

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/06/2025 16:09

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

I think OP was going to give the wine to her Sister not Sister in law.

mumuseli · 07/06/2025 16:17

That’s a terrible waste, giving such an expensive bottle to someone who’s just desperate to drink any old alcohol.
More importantly: that’s sad that he’s not apologising or seeing your very valid point of view. Also it is sad that he is enabling his sister’s alcohol issue.

diddl · 07/06/2025 16:21

Cranarc · 07/06/2025 16:06

Bother. I clicked YABU by mistake. You are certainly not being unreasonable.

You can change it.

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 16:21

Il add when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet.

he delivered it to her at 1am or she came around?