Dp gave sil my bottle of wine

[Irishmammy2]

I’m not happy. A few weeks ago I won a bottle of wine I can’t drink it because I’m pregnant and not a wine drinker anyway but my sister is and I told him I plan on gifting it to her for her birthday that is next week. It’s a £50 bottle. I had it stored in a cupboard. I just went looking for something else and happened to notice the bottle gone so I asked Dp and he said oh I gave it to sil the other day. His sister has a drinking problem as well I should add. It’s started a bit of a argument now because one I don’t think he should be giving her alcohol when she has a problem and two it wasn’t his to give away and three I now have to get my sister another gift. He’s saying I’m unreasonable and blaming pregnancy hormones but I think I’m not because of the reasons Iv stated. Il add when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet.

I don't think his sister being an alcoholic should be part of your argument it suggests you wouldn't have minded if he'd given it to someone without a drink problem.

That's surely the reason he was desperate to find anything at 1am though?

The biggest problem is the type of relationship these siblings have where one can phone another up in the early hours, demanding alcohol because they themselves haven't got anymore left!

Bringing a baby into this foolishness at your big age when the red flags of dysfunction have been staring you in the face , is plain hedonistic.
Drunkards or their enablers do not mesh well with family life.

He's a twat of the first order.

Lay down the rules OP. He needs to be told. I'd very cross. Overstepping boundaries.

Imagine if he'd won it, you wouldn't have taken it to give to your sister, without asking, would you?

Especially if she was an alcoholic.

Does he have poor boundaries elsewhere in life?

If you accept that then you agree that his desperation made his actions reasonable.

He gave away something which did not belong to him. Him feeling desperate to supply an alcoholic with more alcohol at 1am is not OP's problem. He could easily have said there was no alcohol in the house but he didn't because the wine belonged to his partner who matters less to him than a quiet life.

DH has broken several rules here.

1. You won the wine. It's yours.
2. You told him right away that you planned to gift it to your sister next week.
3. Knowing this, he went and handed it off to his drunk, alcoholic sister, and it still wasn't enough for her. His excuse of her being "desperate" is no excuse at all. She's an alcoholic; of course she's desperate.
4. Now he's gaslighting you into saying you are the one being unreasonable.

Given how odd it is that he said he gave the bottle to his sister at 1am, is it possible he just drank it himself instead and didn't want to tell you?

Yanbu. It was your bottle of wine and you wanted to give it as a birthday present to your sister. I'd be fuming and I would insist he went out and brought the same bottle of wine out his own pocket for your sisters present.

It doesn’t matter that it was wine and he gave it to an alcoholic, the fact that he was told something of yours was going to be saved and given as a gift to your sister at a later date, meant nothing to him and he completely disrespected you by taking it.

@Irishmammy2 I take it she live really close to you? how long did it take her to stagger (given that she was half pissed) round to your house or did your dp take it round to her? either way he has to replace like for like and not give any alcohol to an alcoholic in future!!! he is an idiot.

Other people's bottles of wine 🤭🤭

What you think he might give away the baby's gifts too ? 🤣

😂

More like

not pull his weight
want to have his SIL over to meet the baby
not help with night feeds because too busy furnishing his sister with booze

and that will just be in the first week

The fact SIL is an alcoholic makes it worse but besides the point entirely.

He knew it was earmarked for someone else. End of. Wasn't his to give.

Off you pop to go get another bottle. Now. Take an umbrella its rainy out.

😲 I hope not. I hope giving away one bottle of wine doesn't mean all that but to be fair i dont always have great judgement. Yesterday I was sticking up for a partner who had thrown a strop, and I said along the lines of its ok to give him one chance to change and ppl can change if they want to... 5 mins later op updated the thread to say he had been out of line again, so im going to stick with you on this one. But I hope he doesn't do all this🤦‍♀️

Taking a £50 bottle of wine that didn't belong to him to give it to his alcoholic sister when he knew that you planned to give it to your sister for her birthday is a big deal. He sounds horrible.

But read the reaction, the follow up, the argument

Of course I don't think he was reasonable as the wine wasn't his to give.

I previously asked why he didn't just say there was nothing.

I don't agree that his sister's alcoholism is irrelevant as suggested.

That being the reason I think he did it doesn't make it a reasonable reason!

Fuck sake, it can't actually only be me that is sick and fucking tired of reading about these twatting entitled men??
Who the fuck do they think they are?
Please tell me it's not just me... 😒

He said I’m unreasonable because it’s only a bottle of wine and wasn’t a big deal.

Good, then he won't mind buying a replacement of the same wine, though if I were you, I'd get £50 off him and buy it myself.

So would it have been ok if his sister had not been an alcoholic?

Of course not as it wasn't his to give!

Then his sisters alcoholism is irrelevant.

This. It's simple for him to replace surely.

Is he trying to ensure she dies of alcoholism. I would ask him this

I would also say, if it wasnt a big deal and nothing major, its no big deal and nothing major to replace it.

I agree in that he shouldn't have given the wine to anyone.

In this context though I think relevant as that is the reason she was asking at 1am & the reason he took it.