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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp gave sil my bottle of wine

97 replies

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 14:32

I’m not happy. A few weeks ago I won a bottle of wine I can’t drink it because I’m pregnant and not a wine drinker anyway but my sister is and I told him I plan on gifting it to her for her birthday that is next week. It’s a £50 bottle. I had it stored in a cupboard. I just went looking for something else and happened to notice the bottle gone so I asked Dp and he said oh I gave it to sil the other day. His sister has a drinking problem as well I should add. It’s started a bit of a argument now because one I don’t think he should be giving her alcohol when she has a problem and two it wasn’t his to give away and three I now have to get my sister another gift. He’s saying I’m unreasonable and blaming pregnancy hormones but I think I’m not because of the reasons Iv stated. Il add when he gave her the bottle it was 1 in the morning she had text him to ask did we have any vodka in the house because she had drank all hers and wasn’t ready to stop yet.

OP posts:

FOJN · 07/06/2025 19:57

diddl · 07/06/2025 19:49

I agree in that he shouldn't have given the wine to anyone.

In this context though I think relevant as that is the reason she was asking at 1am & the reason he took it.

Show quote history

I think your logic is very confused.

Would it matter if he'd donated it as a raffle prize at 2pm? Yes, because it was not his to give away.

His sisters reasons for asking make absolutely no difference to the fact that he gave away something which did not belong to him. If your argument is that he would not have donated it as a raffle prize because it wasn't his to give away then you are accepting that the circumstances justify his actions. Otherwise it's as simple as him choosing the circumstances in which OP's property belongs to her and those in which he can dispose of her belongings if he feels justified.

diddl · 07/06/2025 20:15

I think your logic is very confused.

Ok.

diddl · 07/06/2025 20:18

then you are accepting that the circumstances justify his actions.

I am not which I have already said.

TwinklyNight · 07/06/2025 20:24

It's not your hormones! It's his assuming he can give away something that's not his.
"His excuse for giving her it was she was desperate."

Desperate as in she has not eaten in days and needs food? That's desperate. He is enabling his sister. He needs to go al-anon and learn tough love.

cranberryshortcake · 07/06/2025 20:45

Find something of his and gift that to your sister without mentioning to him until he notices it’s gone.

(and get her a real gift she actually wants)

CustardySergeant · 07/06/2025 21:20

Cranarc · 07/06/2025 16:06

Bother. I clicked YABU by mistake. You are certainly not being unreasonable.

You can change your vote! Just click on the other option.

Emmz1510 · 08/06/2025 13:17

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

So, scrap the drinking problem for now and DP is still out of order. It wasn't his to give. Is it that he knows he's cocked up but, like so many, rather than just admitting it, "so sorry, blah blah" he's got all defensive and "what's the problem?"

No, she was going to give it to HER sister

Gyozas · 08/06/2025 13:51

This man is garbage.

OhYeahOhYeah · 08/06/2025 15:24

sunnywithtsunamis · 07/06/2025 14:46

YANBU, particularly if SIL has a drinking problem - although you were going to give her the bottle of wine as a birthday present?

She was going to give it to HER sister. Her SIL has the drinking problem

cinnamongirl123 · 08/06/2025 18:04

Good lord OP, he sounds like a jerk, and youre having a baby with him😫

Mumofferal3 · 08/06/2025 18:06

Irishmammy2 · 07/06/2025 14:59

I wasn’t giving his sister the wine I was giving my own sister the wine. Iv told him he needs to go buy the same bottle out of his own money now. His whole family are aware of her problem but make excuses for her or pretend it doesn’t exist. His excuse for giving her it was she was desperate. He knows it was expensive because when I won it I said how much it cost and that it was good I won it so I was saving money gifting it to my sister. His sister has already caused a few issues in our relationship and I had thought after a chat with him before it was the end of the problem but it’s creeping up again. He said I’m unreasonable because it’s only a bottle of wine and wasn’t a big deal. Funny how he hadn’t said anything to me when he did it

No offence OP, he isn't the brightest spark of he thought it would go unnoticed.

I would be furious in your situation as he hasn't given 2 hoots about how you'd feel. Nevermind the extra job/expense he has caused.

Also if his sis needed a drink and there had been none, would he have given her money to get booze? He certainly wouldn't have given her £50 for it. He's been a total idiot and gaslighting you on top of it. I'd be concerned for your future.

Nikki75 · 08/06/2025 18:35

He is totally out of his mind giving his sister more alcohol never mind it being yours .
Why would he do that .

Theroadt · 08/06/2025 19:50

I suspect he will refuse. In which case there is a clear choice: stay (and he will get worse) or go now.

croydon15 · 08/06/2025 20:34

I would be totally furious too as your DP is enabling his alcoholic DS to drink, giving her a bottle which is not his to give, and the cost and quality of the wine totally wasted on some alcoholic

Easyonaweekend · 09/06/2025 06:42

Can’t imagine him being a top notch step father to the OP’s children from a previous relationship.

ilovemyhamster · 09/06/2025 06:59

What a prince among men. He gave something away that wasn't his to give. He enabled more drinking for his sister. He then gaslit you about the whole thing blaming pregnancy hormones. Urgh. Just urgh.

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 09/06/2025 07:38

He's a thief. And an idiot. All he needed to say was 'no we haven't any vodka and please don't contact me in the early hours unless your house is on fire, good night'.

dontcryformeargentina · 09/06/2025 07:42

He sounds like a liability.

Blades2 · 09/06/2025 11:35

My sister in law would be like this, and I know my partner would not give her alcohol, let alone a bottle that is not his to give.

endofthelinefinally · 09/06/2025 11:53

I would be furious and I would expect him to replace it. Never in my life have I had a £50 bottle of wine and I certainly wouldn't take it upon myself to gift one that belonged to my DH.
That is so disrespectful.

sunnywithtsunamis · 09/06/2025 21:44

MrsClatterbuck · 07/06/2025 14:52

Op wasn't going to gift it to the sil but her own sister

Show quote history

Yes, I've apologised for that like a hundred times. The gift was not to the SIL but to her own SISTER. Now I know.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 10/06/2025 21:49

He needs to learn boundaries. How would he feel if you did that? He also needs to stop feeding his sister's drinking problem and encourage her to seek some much needed help.

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