Nieces and nephews not invited to wedding.

[EugenieGreen]

I want to ask my brother why he hasn’t asked my children to his wedding, not ask for an invitation for them, it is his wedding but I want to know why they are not invited and if he considered them. What does he think of them?

Right I have three children, almost adults, youngest is 16. My sister has 2 who are slightly younger. All well behaved.

I was very upset when my husband’s brother did not invite my kids to his wedding 17 years ago.

Now my own brother is getting married for a second time ( SiL’s first trip down the aisle). His children are obviously invited who are same age as mine give or take).

No money is being spared and space is not an issue.

Who they invite is up to them so all I want to do is ask him why he doesn’t want his nieces and nephews there. Do they mean nothing to him?

How often does he see them? Are they bothered?

Are your sisters children invited? Does he see your children often?

What do you think asking him will achieve?

Are other kids (besides his own) invited? If so and it's yours specifically who have been excluded then it might be worth asking, since it indicates a problem that might need addressed. If it's all other kids besides his then it's just that they want a child free wedding and you don't need to ask why because that's the reason.

You can ask but what’s the point?
do your kids even want to go, mine would be so bored and I’d enjoy a night off tbh

We are not having kids to our wedding because it's extra heads, extra money extra complications re: amenities and food and drinks.. And once we invited one person's kids, other people will feel it unfair if their kids arnt invited. And suddenly we have a bunch of kids running about at an event they don't even bloody care about and will probably be bored at. And we just want a nice, relaxed, adult orientated day.

There is no point in asking him this question.

By all means, use a thread like this to vent your frustration. Then as long as there are no serious logistical barriers to attending your brother’s wedding, be the bigger person and rsvp yes.

Who they invite is up to them so all I want to do is ask him why he doesn’t want his nieces and nephews there. Do they mean nothing to him?

talk about a contradictory fruitcake

Exactly. You say it’s up to him but then clearly want to antagonise him about it. He may just want an adults only event as that’s what will make him most comfortable on the day, nothing to do with how much he likes your children. Like you say, it’s his day up to him.

I think you should ask him, even if it's for your own piece of mind, it might be your new Sil has more guests because it's her first wedding?

You can ask, be prepared for an answer you don't like or an evasive one. Unless he has done the dirty old man thing of dumping his first wife once aged 40 for a younger woman, I think you ought to accept the invitation.

Do your children actually care they are not invited?

As you say it's up to him and his wife to be who is invited so not sure what asking would do other than cause a scene. Are you hoping to guilt them into inviting them?

It’s probably numbers. Even if you think it isn’t. Is anyone from that generation who aren’t the bride and/or groom’s kids going?

All of OP’s last threads are about her not being invited somewhere

a memorial
a cousin’s wedding where her mum isn’t invited
and now this
all a bit odd!

If you can’t ask your own brother why then it might explain why they aren’t invited. They mustn’t be close.

Don't all these men just say that it's their fiances decision?

I’m not a massive fan of kids at weddings, but I do think nieces and nephews should be invited and it’s up to the parents to decide if they want to bring them or not. Most weddings I’ve been to kids have been picked up or taken home after the meal and before the evening guests arrive. How old are the kids?

They can’t be the black sheep for everyone surely?

oh and a 4th thread about not being invited to attend a lunch between her dh and BIL

bloody hell op. You and getting pissed off about not being invited somewhere…. 4 threads!

Oh that is really odd.

Ah ok!

Is there any answer he could give that would satisfy you? If not then I really don't see the point in bringing it up. It will create drama, or at the very least awkwardness, and you still won't get what you want.

And there’s a 4th too!

Oh dear

What response would be acceptable / unacceptable for you?

They don’t want kids there excluding their own, presumably. Most I would ask is “so are yours the old kids?”

if every other Tom dick and Harry had their kids invited and yours not I would perhaps have concerns that warranted an explanation (eg does he have an issue with their behaviour) but otherwise I think you leave it - it’s their wedding.