Nieces and nephews not invited to wedding.

[EugenieGreen]

I want to ask my brother why he hasn’t asked my children to his wedding, not ask for an invitation for them, it is his wedding but I want to know why they are not invited and if he considered them. What does he think of them?

Right I have three children, almost adults, youngest is 16. My sister has 2 who are slightly younger. All well behaved.

I was very upset when my husband’s brother did not invite my kids to his wedding 17 years ago.

Now my own brother is getting married for a second time ( SiL’s first trip down the aisle). His children are obviously invited who are same age as mine give or take).

No money is being spared and space is not an issue.

Who they invite is up to them so all I want to do is ask him why he doesn’t want his nieces and nephews there. Do they mean nothing to him?

Yeah I might just scroll away .

Fingerpie

I was actually invited to my cousin’s wedding, it was my mum who wasn’t! I didn’t know I had a running theme.

Spies

Yes my children - the youngest is 16 - are upset. They like weddings, especially my daughters. They would like to be with their family, especially their cousins.

Sister’s children 14 and 11 are not invited but I don’t know if other kids from her side are going.

My brother knows my children and sees them reasonably often. His children are particularly close to my elder two.

LlynTegid

You know him then? Yes!

Maybe they weren't invited as brother just assumes they will turn up as OP has history for that

An extra 5 people then - your 3 adult kids and your sister's 2? Plus partners/boyfriends/husbands? Maybe the person he's marrying has loads of nieces/nephews?

I am not close to my aunt/uncle and never was. We saw them on family occasions only, my parents had relationships with their siblings but apart from polite enquiries about how I was doing at work/school my aunt/uncle knew nothing about me.

Family bonds like that are not terribly important to some people and for every family who are all bestest buddies and socialise with each other regularly, there are other families who are cordial and polite and spend much more time with people outside the family unit. Neither is right, neither is wrong.

You would be very unreasonable - and downright rude - to question your brother about his guest list.

Presumably they want a child free wedding (other than their own children) I’d accept it and if you go and there’s any children there (except maybe bridesmaids) you have a right to be raging

Op

a thread about your mum not being invited to a wedding
a thread about you not being invited to a lunch
a thread about you not being invited to a memorial

and now this one

do you honestly not think that’s a little… odd?

Why are they upset though? Surely they're old enough to understand if you explain it's a child free wedding?

Maybe it's just a numbers thing. When people get married for a second time there are usually more nieces and nephews than there were the first time etc. When my dad remarried neither he or his wife invited nieces and nephews.

You insinuate that this is an extravagant wedding and that they have money so I can only see 2 reasons (it's not about a childfree wedding because your kids are adults):

1. Your DB doesn't like your children.
2. He is stingy and doesn't want to pay for people's kids even if older because he knows they won't bring individual gifts.

Fingerpie

Maybe you have tapped into my deepest psyche.

I am genuinely upset.

I don’t think I have posted a thread for 5 years although I might have commented on others.

As you so rightly say, who they invite is up to them…

Spies
while they are obviously my children, two of them are adults and one is sixteen. I don’t think a sixteen year old would be out of place at a child free wedding.

Even my niece will be 12 by the time of the wedding.

You being pissed at not being invited to the memorial was last year

If your sisters children are not invited either, then it's clearly nothing personal about yours. They're just not inviting nieces and nephew's. So why are you so upset at this?

Fingerpie

That wasn’t so much upset at not being invited but upset that I had accidentally gatecrashed.

If he invited all children of guests, he might be overrun , so easiest to say "none". Although some could argue nieces and nephews could make the cut, then draw the line.

How did you manage to accidentally gatecrash a memorial?

KrisAkabusi

I think I am so upset as they’re family. I consider my nieces and nephews as really close family and I would hope my brother felt the same, but he clearly doesn’t.

Op this is weird

4 threads about being upset about either you not being invited to something; or your DM not being invited to something; or your children not being invited to something; or you not being made to feel welcome at a memorial

Just stop. Say no to the invite if you want but trying to make your brother feel guilty about his guest list has no happy ending.

You can't change the invitation, but you can choose how you respond and I'd recommend sustaining your long term relationship with your family

But if your adult children are invited then the other sibling whose younger children are not invited will be pissed off. By not inviting children of any sibling, he is at least keeping it equal.

He doesn't have to invite them. And the kids would probably be bored rigid, anyway. So please don't ask him, because that would be very uncool, not to mention confrontational.

Fingerpie

Well I hadn’t really thought about this, maybe you have tapped into some deep insecurities I must have.

I am nevertheless upset that my brother doesn’t want to celebrate with my children.

I am sorry if I come across as weird.

Perhaps he would prefer an adults only wedding - we did.

Espressosummer

Yes I see this but the nearly 12,year old is lovely. I could understand if they were toddlers.