Nieces and nephews not invited to wedding.

[EugenieGreen]

I want to ask my brother why he hasn’t asked my children to his wedding, not ask for an invitation for them, it is his wedding but I want to know why they are not invited and if he considered them. What does he think of them?

Right I have three children, almost adults, youngest is 16. My sister has 2 who are slightly younger. All well behaved.

I was very upset when my husband’s brother did not invite my kids to his wedding 17 years ago.

Now my own brother is getting married for a second time ( SiL’s first trip down the aisle). His children are obviously invited who are same age as mine give or take).

No money is being spared and space is not an issue.

Who they invite is up to them so all I want to do is ask him why he doesn’t want his nieces and nephews there. Do they mean nothing to him?

You accidentally gate crashed a memorial?! How ??

So now you have established there may be more to this… maybe don’t create drama about this. Your poor dh must be exhausted by it all!

Fingerpie

My DH is sad as well, not as much as me but just thinks it’s the way of the world.

He’s sad because I suspect that once he realised the children weren’t invited, his heart dropped because he knew what was coming

prove him wrong. Shrug it off. Enjoy the wedding

Please don’t.

My SIL who I always made a lot of effort with had a massive fit before our childfree wedding nearly ten years ago, forcing her children into it with lots of drama and “Don’t you care about your nephews?!”

I have not set my foot in her house ever since and she only met our DC twice. My husband never bothers and like fuck I am going to after what happened back then. Hope she enjoyed getting her way at our wedding though.

Way too much drama, it’s a wedding it’s one day.

How many weddings do they go to, that they like weddings?

purpleygrey

I think you can look up previous posts.

I am going to bow out now I feel a bit miserable.

I was debating whether to say this, but I've got a bit of free time so here goes.....
I don't know enough about this situation to comment on whether OP's children should be invited to her brother's wedding.
But what I find really odd is that someone has taken the time and trouble to delve into OP's previous threads to find evidence of her being upset about other past "non-invitations".............and then confronting her with them!🙄

Fingerpie

No he is just sad!

Stop being sad and start hunting for a lovely outfit. Focus on having a lovely day

Cesarina

I am a bit shocked but C’est La vie, in real life I would have felt a bit bullied,

Didn’t want people to agree with me necessarily but I wanted a discussion.

Definitely bowing out and I will let others have satisfaction of having last word.

Children generally triple the cost of a wedding.

We didn’t invite any children of friends or family to our wedding. We are not close to any of the family or friends children. We generally see them once every 5 years at funerals or weddings. We only wanted people we had close relationships with at our wedding.

We were fine with people dropping out over their children not being invited, many of which (family friends/cousins) we didn’t mind declining. If we’d invited all of the children it would have been an additional £6k that we didn’t have.

As I say, I imagine he is

They're probably just having a child free wedding and feel that if they invite your kids they'd have to invite everyone's.

Only you know your relationship with your brother, but barring any major issues or fallings out, I very much doubt the non invite is because he doesn't like your children.

He could have handled it better though and explained it to you. You could ask him casually if he's having a child free wedding, but definitely don't confront him or ask him if he dislikes your kids.

I mean a lot of people don’t invite children. But invite their own if they have any as it’s their children.

I wouldn’t ask him and I don’t consider dh’s nephews close family either.

And suddenly we have a bunch of kids running about at an event they don't even bloody care about and will probably be bored at. And we just want a nice, relaxed, adult orientated day.

Read the OP, her youngest child is 16, the others are adults, I hardly think they'd be bored or run about, do you?

We've been invited to DB's second wedding this year and our teenagers were invited (because we're a normal family who consider these things) and if in some alternative universe they hadn't been then we wouldn't have been able to attend because we have nobody to stay with them while we several nights away.

It's all very well wanting a 'child free wedding' but not inviting an adult niece you see regularly is like not inviting your aunt who regularly babysat for you growing up, there are going to be hurt feelings and consequences. Weddings are about families coming together, how can that happen with important family members missing? It's not the same as not inviting the children of your work colleague who you've never met.

Tell your kids to not feel obliged to invite him to any of their future events.

They're his nieces/nephews not random kids from the neighbourhood.

Guessing he wouldn’t be bothered when he’s not invited to their future wedding but his kids are? Same principle, different generations, he’ll just be a waste of a plate on the old bore.

A 12 year old would be bored shitless at a wedding. Many adults are, let alone a 12 year old child. There is nothing for them to do if they're not into drinking with adults. Nor can they understand adult conversations. 16 even imo is not old enough.

I suspect it has absolutely nothing to do with how he feels about your children and is all about the numbers. At upwards of £50 a head, most couples simply cannot afford to invite everyone they’d like.

If they invite your children, will they then have to invite other nieces and nephews? If there are several, it could add a lot to the bill…

This is happening quite a bit now! I assume they are troll hunting and trying to catch people out.

Yes, that would seem to be the case........weird.
Have they nothing better to do?..........(says I, taking the time and trouble to comment 🤦🏻‍♀️)

It isn’t any trouble…the function to allow you to do that is there 🤷‍♀️ and I’m just about to use it to find out how she accidentally gatecrashed a memorial service!!

Maybe your kids can ask their cousins. I think it’s poor form. It can cause long term harm to family harmony to handle these things poorly. They should at least explain their rationale so you know why. It’s a second wedding. Maybe you and your sister shouldn’t bother going.

A question: would he expect to be invite to his nieces and nephews’ weddings? If yes, he should invite them.