Friend’s feral teenage son

[Vanishedwillow]

This, basically. My friend’s teenage son (15) is awful to her. He hits her, calls her every swear word you can imagine, says she should have been drowned at birth and worse. He comes from a loving, two parent family home and is just as bad to his dad. He has chased her around the house with a knife and I’m worried she’ll end up dead. The problem is, she’s never given him boundaries and even now, today, after being kicked out of school for bad behaviour, she’s giving him a lift! I keep saying he needs consequences but she just says there’s no point, it never makes any difference. I’m so frustrated with her!

So do l. I have ND children.

But PDA can show like this.

My guess is that the "loving home" is not that loving.

What?! You are joking! Sounds like lack of boundaries to me! You must be one of those people who think all criminals have ASD or ADHD. They don’t! 😂

Three generations of diagnosed ADHD in my family, and somehow, no one’s ever done anything close to chasing their mother with a knife or saying she should have been drowned at birth. 🙄 Don’t see what about this sounds like ASD, either.

So does mine.

This suggests PDA to me. Wasn’t the Southport killer ASD? The bit about chasing someone with a knife reminded me of him.

If he’s threatening her with a knife and physically attacking her, that’s domestic violence—plain and simple. Boundaries would’ve helped earlier, but now it’s about safety. She needs to involve professionals—social services, law enforcement, mental health intervention

Exactly this!

Yea it offends me. I really enjoyed watching my son screaming as he ran round school banging his head against the walls, unable to recognise me. The trauma for his brothers. Him having to travel to school in a taxi. It is very offensive to suggest none if it would have happened if I was a better parent. There can be shit parents of ND children too, it doesn’t change the fact that child doesn’t see the world the same way
and consequences mean jack shit when they are screaming lying on the grass of a football pitch because the team didn’t play the way they expected them to
it is horrendous

DC1 ASD. DC2 ADHD. Both wonderfully behaved people, kind caring etc…. Absolutely top drawer.

Just because a child is misbehaving does not mean they are ND and actually i would argue reasonably strongly that it means the opposite. ND children, who have been given the tools to help them, tend to be better behaved than NT in my experience.

However this lad clearly needs help. He sounds like he doesn’t know when to stop or where the edge of acceptable is because he has never been taught. (And this is probably really scary for him)

My son was diagnosed with autism at 7
officially
gave him access to a resourced provision and a full time 1-1

Mine was diagnosed with autism at 3. I believe the PP was talking about psychopathy/sociopathy not being diagnosed until 18.

Yes, yes it does. I actually paused the programme we’re watching to read out the first comment to my other half (because impulsively being unable to hold my annoyance in when it hits IS actually an ADHD trait, not running around a house chasing your parent with a bleeding knife).

Now, there will be people who have grown up with the trauma/lack of boundaries/addiction issues that might exacerbate some of the traits. But that doesn’t mean the neurological condition is the reason for that behaviour or even that aggressive behaviour should ever come with a ‘sounds like ADHD’ insta-response.

He sounds unhappy, unheard, angry and lost

Honestly, the shit people come out with.

He sounds like a manipulative psycho that needs locking up.

It doesn't always follow that dangerous or sociopathic people are not loved. Some people are just bad and no love or boundaries can change it. Hopefully this isnt the case here, maybe its a cry for help from a very disturbed boy who will get professional help asap and turn out OK full of remorse.

As I have a child with autism I would suggest you are the person coming out with shit

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE MAD

ND can be diagnosed at any age. Sociopathy etc can not be diagnosed in a child, even when it is suspected.

Yes - I find it incredibly offensive that every time someone is described as being an antisocial arsehole, somebody immediately says it’s because of autism.
The two are not at all the same thing.

I was a secondary school teacher for 25 years. I can think of at least 4 boys with diagnosed ADHD who were violent at home. Their parents were desperate.

Why is ND so prevalent amongst the prison population? I believe a majority of prisoners are ND. How does that link up?

Can you think of any children without ASD or ADHD who were violent?

Not to parents no.

She failed him. They both did. I couldn’t be friends with someone as useless a parent as this. It’s probably too late he’s 15yo. I would make it clear that you will never be in his presence.

Doesn’t matter if it was to parents, can you think of any children being violent to that extreme?

Having a child with autism doesn't make you psychic. You have no idea if this kid is NT or not.

Your assessment of the kid sounding 'lost and unheard' or however you put it it ridiculous.

He sounds psychotic and like he needs locking up, not fluffy hugs.