Friend’s feral teenage son

[Vanishedwillow]

This, basically. My friend’s teenage son (15) is awful to her. He hits her, calls her every swear word you can imagine, says she should have been drowned at birth and worse. He comes from a loving, two parent family home and is just as bad to his dad. He has chased her around the house with a knife and I’m worried she’ll end up dead. The problem is, she’s never given him boundaries and even now, today, after being kicked out of school for bad behaviour, she’s giving him a lift! I keep saying he needs consequences but she just says there’s no point, it never makes any difference. I’m so frustrated with her!

Monster of her own making, I’m afraid. Even if he is ASD/ADHD (both mine are, as are half my family, so even if that were the case, it’s no excuse).

I think the reason people are suggesting ND is due to the last sentence of the ops post…

’I keep saying he needs consequences but she just says there’s no point, it never makes any difference. I’m so frustrated with her!’

as it’s likely, if he is ND, that the friend is correct and consequences will make no difference so as advice, thats quite irritating. You can’t parent a ND the same, easy!, way you can parent a NT child, the approach has to be totally different.

The shock of his Mother calling the Police, and them having contact with him, may be what he needs to understand that his behaviour could land him in really big trouble. The fact that he is not afraid to take his Dad on, is a recipe for disaster. The family need intervention, and not too soon, by the sound of it.

I have both ND and NT children. If any chased me with a knife, I'd involve the Police. Via the Police, a child can get bumped up the intervention list. This boy is very violent to his parents. There hasn't been real consequences. Otherwise he'd be in the justice system because there'd be incidents outside of the home. Parenting makes a massive difference to ND children. It is likely that there is a level of ND, but also piss poor parenting.

2 of my kids are ND. One of them is 14. Yes he has the occasional meltdown but even then he knows well and good that violence will not be tolerated. If he swore in my face, abused me and hit me or came at me with a knife, I'd fucking flatten him!

Please stop spreading the myth that autism causes or excuses violence. It doesn't! You will only get the odd person who is so severely affected that they really don't understand acceptable vs non acceptable.

Not everything is a syndrome.

Not everything is SEN.
This sounds to me like the parents went to far with gentle parenting.

Dad needs to give him a slap

Spot on. Always someone wanting to excuse male violence.

I would encourage her to get him some sort of psychiatric evaluation, pronto.

Yes, they do.

Sounds like there is a lot going on for the kid to behave like that. If he's 15 then surely anything not NT would have flagged up by now.
Sounds like he needs to be referred to his Dr for some onward referral for help.
Maybe the parents are scared, of him and of what the future holds.

Oh yeah that'll help ffs.
Let's show him violence is wrong by being violent. 🙄

OP, when he's 16 this will be classed as domestic abuse.

You can call the police but without the support of the victim it'll be hard.

Has she ever called them before?

He sounds unhinged.

tired of excuses for bad behavior/niece is a counselor
5-20yrs she is so tired of nasty little entited +hits
one walked in the room and hit her hes in kiddiie for 3 month
good thing her husband was not there ?????

Fuck it, @EggnogNogginsays there’s no point so let’s just wait until he’s a murderer.

Agree. And consequences dont work with kids like this, I know from painful experience. He sounds unhappy, unheard, angry and lost

I didn’t say I was mad at her. I said I was frustrated, because she doesn’t stand up to him and won’t call the police. She is such a caring amd lovely person I’m genuinely scared for her and any females he comes across in future. He talks about women like dirt. His dad says they should just ignore it and leave him in peace. When my friend tries to deal with it, he threatens to ‘shank’ her. His school attendance is shocking and all attempts at school interventions have failed.

Exactly, how dare they question my lived experience. My son was very like this, is now a wonderful successful happy young man. He got the support and help he needed, people have no idea

That’s awful, and exactly the kind of future behaviour I’m worried about 🥺

He’s got a big mouth with the talk of shanking his mum. What a hard man.

That’s a term used in prison (because it’s done with a makeshift weapon like a razor stuck into the end of a melted toothbrush) and he’s definitely heading there.

The dad wants to take a long, hard look at himself. Sitting passively while his wife is literally chased with a knife? Beyond pathetic.

Maybe the dad is part of the problem. He was with my son, that’s why I got him well away and safe. A dad who in front of him tried to kill me, said his son was a freak he never wanted, his girlfriend was a dirty slag. That I had to get him away. That he wished him dead. This thread is disturbing

Yes, she is scared of him. She said that’s why she doesn’t tell him to turn his music down, even when it’s thumping through the walls at 2am, or make him go to school - because she usually gets shoved against a wall or worse.
She has tried CAHMS. They worked with him for a while but nothing really changed. She won’t call the police. She called them once and he fell to the floor in tears and pretended to have a panic attack, then as soon as she cancelled them coming, stood back up and told her never to pull that shit again. He’s honestly chilling.

@DublinLaLaLahow do you know. Have you lived this, I have. Thankfully I fought to get my son all the help he needed, I am sure otherwise he would be in prison or dead. No it isn’t ’normal’ but it isn’t necessarily resolved by some boundaries and a slap. You really have no idea
my sons behaviour was very much part of DIAGNOSED ASD. When you have your child hanging from a rope at 15 because they hate their own behaviour come back and tell me it isn’t asd. I am so proud of the man he is now

Sounds more like anti social behaviour personality disorder than ADHD.

People should also realise the impact on parents this insistence that if only they would try harder it would all be resolved. I have 2 NT sons who have never had as much as behaviour point deduction at school, I know how to parent

I’m in EMDR intense therapy now to try and cope with the trauma I suffered through the experience with DS1, the hatred, ostracism, belittling, the judgment and cruelty. The behaviour towards my son. If anyone actually lived my experience you would judge less

What's someone who hasn't parented for 15 years going to do about now? And why?

The mum isn't even the one asking for advice because she herself thinks there's no point. Does she sound motivated to you?

He's 15, the damage is done and parents have already failed him.