To be absolutely fuming with MIL and DH over this?

[Discoveni]

Right so I’ll try keep this short but honestly I’m seeing red and need to rant before I say summat I regret.

So last night, after tea, I said to DH can he nip Asda and grab nappies and some bits for packed lunches. He rolls his eyes but says fine, no biggie. Off he goes. Two hours later he still ain’t back. I ring him, no answer. Text, nothing. I’m sat here thinking he’s had a crash or been kidnapped.

He rocks up just after 9 with a bottle of wine and MIL in the bloody passenger seat! Apparently he “just popped in to check on her” and she was feeling “lonely” so they sat having a cuppa and she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Doesn’t ask me. Doesn’t warn me. Just brings her round with her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend. I’d already had the kids down, house a tip, me in grotty leggings and hadn’t even had a minute to myself all day.

She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time” and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). I nearly choked. This woman hasn’t done a school run in her life.

This morning DH says I was rude for being off with her. I’m sorry but who invites their mother to stay over midweek without asking their partner?? It’s not like we’re loaded with space, she slept in DS2’s room and he was up half the night.

I’m still raging. Am I being unreasonable or are they both taking the absolute mick?

Also side note: I did not get the nappies.

Wtf, this is insane. I love my MIL and I wouldn't be keen on this without so much as a text heads-up

Bloody hell! YANBU. Is this a first?

I think I'd be a lot more snappy after that intrusion...

He’s gone running to mummy because you made him go to Asda on his own. Bless

Hello mil dp where are the nappies? What do you mean you don't get the nappies? Why yes mil I have been rather snappy lately can you not see why? 🤔

I’m confused. What was the point of her coming? Was she supposed to babysit so you could have some time together or you got a break? But with no warning at 9 pm on a weekday? I mean, who was helped by her showing up for an unplanned sleepover?

If ds came round and suggested to me that he should land me on my DIL without warning I'd tell him to cop on tbh.

So YANBU.

I feel I live in a parallel universe when I read stuff like this. So out of order the pair of them.

@CameltoeParkerBowles nope not the first 😡 she’s done similar before but never actually stayed over without even asking. Usually it’s just passive-aggressive digs and her turning up with bags of random Lidl bakery for the kids then criticising the state of the kitchen.

@IfIDid nooope she wasn’t meant to babysit or owt. She literally came for a natter and stayed cos she “felt like a change of scene” 🙄 didn’t lift a finger this morning either, just sat drinking tea while I got the kids dressed round her. I was helped by no one, not even the damn nappies he forgot.

Yeah, he basically told on you because you asked for some basic parenting from him
Pair of twats

@Discoveni sorry but what is “we need more family time”? your family consists of you, your partner, (currently dear or not at the moment) and your kids! she is in the extended family zone now!! you partner is a thoughtless idiot. imagine forgetting the bloody nappies! she is the definition of a selfish mother in law in my book!

@Discoveni i can tell you YANBU! If I had had kids, my mom would have been exactly the same! Has barely worked during her life amd was a very hands off mom. But she is full of how others ought to do things! She’s also v much def the type to wallow in misery and not try to sort herself out to be happier. I would have liked a family with a kid and DH but console myself with at least I don’t have to consequenctly put up with this sort of thing!

Alos, the cheek of your MILmto say kids need routine then to just gatecrash into their weekly school week routine!

MIL sounds very rude but it sounds as if you've got an absolutely useless article for a partner Op.

I’d be beyond furious and would have sent him back out to get the nappies. Did you tell him you were ruddy furious?

If i was out at Asda getting stuff for pack lunch and fancied popping in to my mums then I would. I dont see any issue with him visiting his mum while out. Bit extreme to bring her back with him but as a one off I would assume she must have been really lonely.

However my mum or mil wouldn't come to stay unless really needed to and me or dh wouldn't offer unless essential so I expect it is a difference dynamic to your dh and his mum if this is common.

Wow. I think I'd be suggesting he moves back in with his mummy after that.

Knew a comment like this would come. It’s pathetic.

why is a man not allowed to be close to his mother on here?

I don’t think that’s the point. His wife asked him to do something helpful and practical but he couldn’t cope. So like a typical man child he enlisted support from someone he’d knew would indulge him.

It's not about him supporting his mum. Absolutely fine to do that. It's the fact he's supported his Mum at the expense of his partner!

So he didn’t even do the job he had as a father of getting his child Nappies. But he could go for a cuppa and chat and bring his mum back. Wow

just wow

Well he's your husband and you can do something about that.

@Cherrysoup oh believe me I told him 😤 not straight away cos kids were still up and I didn’t wanna cause a scene but as soon as we got to bed I let rip. He said I was “blowing it out of proportion” and I “don’t like his mum”. Like sorry?? She’s not a stray cat, you don’t just bring her home cos she looked sad

@Ellie1015 see I wouldn’t mind if he popped in for a brew and kept me in the loop, I’m not a total dragon. But there’s visiting your mum and then there’s making it a full sleepover with zero heads up when you were meant to be buying nappies. If she was in bits or there was some emergency I’d get it. But nah. She was bored. That’s it. Nothing “essential” about it. Just wanted a change of sofa and someone to moan to about my parenting 🙃

He can absolutely be close to his mother, but bringing her over unplanned for a sleepover where she used the time (not unexpectedly by the sound of it) to not-so-subtly chastise OP under the guise of concern, immediately after Op annoyed him by given him a task to do, is pretty blatantly not about closeness so much as about having backup.

Pop over, have your chat and your cuppa, then go home with the items you were supposed to pick up. Don’t roll your eyes about the realities of family life and act all hard done by before getting your mum to fight you battles for you while also forgetting to buy a basic necessity for your children. That’s what is pathetic.

Sounds like her son has been raised to be entitled and useless by an entitled useless mother.

Lucky you.

I'd have booted him back out the door to get the items he failed to pick up and told him to sleep on the couch and taken your child into your room so they could sleep.

Um what? Who says they can’t be close?
just he should have checked in. If you’re married, you have respect for each other and communicate. What dh did was disrespectful