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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely fuming with MIL and DH over this?

83 replies

Discoveni · 06/06/2025 16:05

Right so I’ll try keep this short but honestly I’m seeing red and need to rant before I say summat I regret.

So last night, after tea, I said to DH can he nip Asda and grab nappies and some bits for packed lunches. He rolls his eyes but says fine, no biggie. Off he goes. Two hours later he still ain’t back. I ring him, no answer. Text, nothing. I’m sat here thinking he’s had a crash or been kidnapped.

He rocks up just after 9 with a bottle of wine and MIL in the bloody passenger seat! Apparently he “just popped in to check on her” and she was feeling “lonely” so they sat having a cuppa and she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Doesn’t ask me. Doesn’t warn me. Just brings her round with her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend. I’d already had the kids down, house a tip, me in grotty leggings and hadn’t even had a minute to myself all day.

She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time” and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). I nearly choked. This woman hasn’t done a school run in her life.

This morning DH says I was rude for being off with her. I’m sorry but who invites their mother to stay over midweek without asking their partner?? It’s not like we’re loaded with space, she slept in DS2’s room and he was up half the night.

I’m still raging. Am I being unreasonable or are they both taking the absolute mick?

Also side note: I did not get the nappies.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 08/06/2025 01:47

Have you a mum nearby you can stroll out tomorrow and visit? As you walk out say is there anything we really need at the shops? If so I will forget as that’s what competent parents do when given one job apparently. Feed them bath them bed and tidy up and if that’s not super easy be very very careful about having conversations about I need a break in the future because I do and am feeling homicidal about the man who is my kids dad and apparently recognises I need a break but doesn’t give a shit and does fuck all.

NJLX2021 · 08/06/2025 02:14

The visiting mum and inviting her to stay over is lovely. Neither me or my partner would mind about having family around, unplanned is ok, we are family.

The digs, comments, critisims are not.

You can't have both. Either you have a family who are nice and close enough that things can be relaxed and unplanned, or neither.

rubicustellitall · 08/06/2025 02:16

I would be telling him if he pulled a stunt like that again then he is done.He can move home with his mummy. What a useless,nasty,manipulative twat you have there lovely lady.

FOXYMORON1707 · 12/06/2025 14:24

Boredlass · 06/06/2025 16:50

Knew a comment like this would come. It’s pathetic.

why is a man not allowed to be close to his mother on here?

He can be close to his Mum tho running to see her whining like a baby is the issue. He could have got the nappies too prior to visit or afterwards. Be close to your Mum tho maybe get priorities in order around partner and kids. He sounds pathetic all round.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 12/06/2025 14:36

InBedBy10 · 06/06/2025 17:07

I'm 50/50 on this. He should have communicated with you. Firstly to tell you where he was instead of just disappearing and secondly to send you a quick text giving you a heads up that he was bringing her home with him. He was wrong for that.

But If my partner told me I needed his permission to spend time with my mother or bring her to my home then that would be a red flag and he'd be told to f-off.

You should have sent him straight back out for the nappies.

Between, say, 9am and 6pm, yeah, you should be able to have guests within reason.

But one has a right to privacy in your own home, to chill out after a day of work and/or kids without guests.

Bickybics · 12/06/2025 14:45

Next time she needs a change maybe DH and the kids could go over for a sleepover? Saturday night sounds good.

KindLemur · 12/06/2025 14:46

Mymanyellow · 06/06/2025 16:10

He’s gone running to mummy because you made him go to Asda on his own. Bless

THIS

Id be fucking fuming

ellie09 · 12/06/2025 15:14

On their arrival, I would have asked for MILs house keys then went up to hers for the night for some peace.

Assuming theres no FIL there.

Let them deal with the kids if she is so lonely, and he is so dismissive of your feelings and opinions.

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