Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely fuming with MIL and DH over this?

83 replies

Discoveni · 06/06/2025 16:05

Right so I’ll try keep this short but honestly I’m seeing red and need to rant before I say summat I regret.

So last night, after tea, I said to DH can he nip Asda and grab nappies and some bits for packed lunches. He rolls his eyes but says fine, no biggie. Off he goes. Two hours later he still ain’t back. I ring him, no answer. Text, nothing. I’m sat here thinking he’s had a crash or been kidnapped.

He rocks up just after 9 with a bottle of wine and MIL in the bloody passenger seat! Apparently he “just popped in to check on her” and she was feeling “lonely” so they sat having a cuppa and she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Doesn’t ask me. Doesn’t warn me. Just brings her round with her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend. I’d already had the kids down, house a tip, me in grotty leggings and hadn’t even had a minute to myself all day.

She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time” and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). I nearly choked. This woman hasn’t done a school run in her life.

This morning DH says I was rude for being off with her. I’m sorry but who invites their mother to stay over midweek without asking their partner?? It’s not like we’re loaded with space, she slept in DS2’s room and he was up half the night.

I’m still raging. Am I being unreasonable or are they both taking the absolute mick?

Also side note: I did not get the nappies.

OP posts:
MrsAga · 06/06/2025 18:37

You were very unreasonable not to use his favourite shirt as a makeshift nappy whilst he returned to do the errand he’d been asked to do 2 hours previous!

Cherrysoup · 06/06/2025 18:42

InBedBy10 · 06/06/2025 17:07

I'm 50/50 on this. He should have communicated with you. Firstly to tell you where he was instead of just disappearing and secondly to send you a quick text giving you a heads up that he was bringing her home with him. He was wrong for that.

But If my partner told me I needed his permission to spend time with my mother or bring her to my home then that would be a red flag and he'd be told to f-off.

You should have sent him straight back out for the nappies.

I think she wasn't telling him he needed permission, more he needs to give her the heads up. If my DH brought anyone home after he's walked the dogs, for example, I'd be fuming. Bra is off, dishes done, surfaces cleared, I'm chilling and in the bath. I do not want unexpected guests.

EllieEllie25 · 06/06/2025 19:07

Bloody hell OP, I'd be raging. I sincerely hope you've left all the bedding sorting for him to do.

ButteredRadish · 06/06/2025 19:09

LT pathetic mummy’s B

godmum56 · 06/06/2025 19:10

so you need a break and instead he brings you an overnight guest? That's worse than the subs from Asda

littlemissprosseco · 06/06/2025 19:23

@Discoveni holy shit, I honestly have no words…
she turns with slippers and stays the night cos he can’t buy nappies ?!?!? ……..

My flabber has been truly gasted!!

DreamingofGinoclock · 06/06/2025 19:35

I would be raging if my DH did this and I get on with / Like my MIL...can't imagine how much more rage inducing this would be with a MIL who makes digs about parenting etc

TangerinePlate · 06/06/2025 19:39

Next time if she walks through the door leave and go to your friend overnight. Let them enjoy “the family time” 😉

Come back in the morning,sit down like Lady Muck and have a go at pair of them about the state of the kitchen and lack of nappies

Rhaidimiddim · 06/06/2025 19:43

Discoveni · 06/06/2025 16:05

Right so I’ll try keep this short but honestly I’m seeing red and need to rant before I say summat I regret.

So last night, after tea, I said to DH can he nip Asda and grab nappies and some bits for packed lunches. He rolls his eyes but says fine, no biggie. Off he goes. Two hours later he still ain’t back. I ring him, no answer. Text, nothing. I’m sat here thinking he’s had a crash or been kidnapped.

He rocks up just after 9 with a bottle of wine and MIL in the bloody passenger seat! Apparently he “just popped in to check on her” and she was feeling “lonely” so they sat having a cuppa and she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Doesn’t ask me. Doesn’t warn me. Just brings her round with her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend. I’d already had the kids down, house a tip, me in grotty leggings and hadn’t even had a minute to myself all day.

She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time” and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). I nearly choked. This woman hasn’t done a school run in her life.

This morning DH says I was rude for being off with her. I’m sorry but who invites their mother to stay over midweek without asking their partner?? It’s not like we’re loaded with space, she slept in DS2’s room and he was up half the night.

I’m still raging. Am I being unreasonable or are they both taking the absolute mick?

Also side note: I did not get the nappies.

He had one job - get nappies!
But you're snappy.
He is a liability, and you'd be better off without him.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 06/06/2025 20:10

Wow.

I love my MIL and always happy to have her here but in this exact scenario I’d be a bit annoyed!

it’s not about needing permission, it’s just about communication and courtesy!

and going out for nappies but not buying any is pretty poor. That’s a very easy task to fulfil.

Awrite · 06/06/2025 20:23

Clearly he was punishing you for asking him to go to Asda.

The staying out for much longer than it takes was probably his plan. However, he needed a reason so popped into his Mum's. Christ only knows why he added the slumber party cherry on top.

LaughingCat · 06/06/2025 20:28

I am FUMING for you! I’m in my stained, holey scrats, no makeup, hair scraped back and if my DH showed up without the things we needed from the shop run but with my mum (his mum, I’d be fine with but mine sounds more like your MIL 😂). He would be sleeping on the sofa for a week!

Horses7 · 06/06/2025 20:30

WTAF !!!!

whynotwhatknot · 06/06/2025 21:59

like ive said before whats the point of him

Masmavi · 06/06/2025 23:48

Enmeshment. Not uncommon but not normal. Also not a random decision to visit her and bring her back home after you’d asked him to do a job.

asrl78 · 07/06/2025 18:17

Screamingabdabz · 06/06/2025 16:51

I don’t think that’s the point. His wife asked him to do something helpful and practical but he couldn’t cope. So like a typical man child he enlisted support from someone he’d knew would indulge him.

That is an assumption not a fact, an assumption fueled by misandry. "he couldn't cope" FFS buying something from a supermarket is not climbing Mount Everest, of course he could cope. It is likely he decided to check on his mother and got distracted/sidetracked in an abnormally strong way.

usedtobeaylis · 07/06/2025 18:35

asrl78 · 07/06/2025 18:17

That is an assumption not a fact, an assumption fueled by misandry. "he couldn't cope" FFS buying something from a supermarket is not climbing Mount Everest, of course he could cope. It is likely he decided to check on his mother and got distracted/sidetracked in an abnormally strong way.

It's more likely he's thoughtless and is unwilling to do what is asked of him as a father and a partner. There's a pattern among men with this. So that's more likely.

HappiestWhenGardening · 07/06/2025 18:37

Boredlass · 06/06/2025 16:50

Knew a comment like this would come. It’s pathetic.

why is a man not allowed to be close to his mother on here?

You’re completely missing the point here. He was supposed to go on a simple brief errand and instead ends up at his mummy’s , probably whingeing about his hard life, and then has the gall to bring his mummy for a sleepover without even asking his partner. What an arse. Actually so is his mother.

I’m a mother in law by the way.

EMUKE · 07/06/2025 19:01

F This… he should have just stayed at hers… boundary’s need to be set NOW. This is not ok. You obvs don’t have that relationship (with MIL) what was he & she thinking?!? I’d also be pointing out that no help was offered or needed. In fact MIL staying in DS bedroom caused more of an issue during the night. Let alone in the morning when once again no help was given. I’d be stating that that is never to happen again and if MIL wants “company” he can bugger off over to hers. It’s not appropriate and messes more with the kids routine with her coming and going.

MaddestGranny · 07/06/2025 19:18

dear @Discoveni , my advice to you is to sign up, pronto, if you possibly can, to a creative-writing course near you.

Nothwithstanding the immediate pressures (which I understand you're experiencing) from the mammy's-boy father of your children; yet there is a streak of pure comedy gold here.

You may not realise it, but you have an ear for dialogue and an intrinsic understanding of the plangent funniness of the situated human condition.

Think "Father Ted" and / or "Steptoe".

Write this up. "Bottle it", as they say. Then get in touch with any "Writers' Room" outlets near you. That might be your local University; or local Adults' Ed; or contact the BBC's Writers' Room reach-out. Go for it.

Macklemup · 07/06/2025 19:23

Unbelievable behaviour.
There would be murder here.
You need to not get over this.

Blablibladirladada · 07/06/2025 19:32

Mymanyellow · 06/06/2025 16:10

He’s gone running to mummy because you made him go to Asda on his own. Bless

That. Absolutely.

he brought her home so she can do what he doesn’t want under the disguise that you clearly need help if you can’t remember nappies.
”oh you need more family time…” oh really…and so you bring in your mother? 😂😂😂

Nip it in the bud.

Pinkproseccolady · 07/06/2025 19:37

He's done this to make you think twice about asking him to do anything in future 😡

Venicelagoon · 08/06/2025 00:02

MaddestGranny · 07/06/2025 19:18

dear @Discoveni , my advice to you is to sign up, pronto, if you possibly can, to a creative-writing course near you.

Nothwithstanding the immediate pressures (which I understand you're experiencing) from the mammy's-boy father of your children; yet there is a streak of pure comedy gold here.

You may not realise it, but you have an ear for dialogue and an intrinsic understanding of the plangent funniness of the situated human condition.

Think "Father Ted" and / or "Steptoe".

Write this up. "Bottle it", as they say. Then get in touch with any "Writers' Room" outlets near you. That might be your local University; or local Adults' Ed; or contact the BBC's Writers' Room reach-out. Go for it.

Yes. You must. I feel for you. This is comedy gold !!! So witty and believable.

Snores like a tractor !! Ha ha !

Onceisenoughta · 08/06/2025 00:43

He obviously doesn't want to play husband & daddy & help you, maybe if he got his shit together & didn't sit there like a spare part - it's not difficult is it to work it out.

His mum should have kicked his arse back home - but obviously she's always pleased to see him.