To be absolutely fuming with MIL and DH over this?

[Discoveni]

Right so I’ll try keep this short but honestly I’m seeing red and need to rant before I say summat I regret.

So last night, after tea, I said to DH can he nip Asda and grab nappies and some bits for packed lunches. He rolls his eyes but says fine, no biggie. Off he goes. Two hours later he still ain’t back. I ring him, no answer. Text, nothing. I’m sat here thinking he’s had a crash or been kidnapped.

He rocks up just after 9 with a bottle of wine and MIL in the bloody passenger seat! Apparently he “just popped in to check on her” and she was feeling “lonely” so they sat having a cuppa and she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Doesn’t ask me. Doesn’t warn me. Just brings her round with her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend. I’d already had the kids down, house a tip, me in grotty leggings and hadn’t even had a minute to myself all day.

She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time” and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). I nearly choked. This woman hasn’t done a school run in her life.

This morning DH says I was rude for being off with her. I’m sorry but who invites their mother to stay over midweek without asking their partner?? It’s not like we’re loaded with space, she slept in DS2’s room and he was up half the night.

I’m still raging. Am I being unreasonable or are they both taking the absolute mick?

Also side note: I did not get the nappies.

She’s not a stray cat, you don’t just bring her home cos she looked sad😂😂😂

Just wanted a change of sofa
😂😂😂

She’s not a stray cat, you don’t just bring her home cos she looked sad 🤣🤣🤣
That made me snort OP.

YANBU, that sounds really annoying!
Didn't even manage to bring back nappies, useless!

Why didn't you send him out, again, to get the nappies he forgot? I'd be fuming too.

I reckon the dh would have pitched a fit if op just randomly came back with her mother home for a improv sleep over.

I'm 50/50 on this. He should have communicated with you. Firstly to tell you where he was instead of just disappearing and secondly to send you a quick text giving you a heads up that he was bringing her home with him. He was wrong for that.

But If my partner told me I needed his permission to spend time with my mother or bring her to my home then that would be a red flag and he'd be told to f-off.

You should have sent him straight back out for the nappies.

Talk about missing the point!

Would you expect to just bring her home for a improv sleep over for no other reason than she’s bored without even letting him know let alone checking it was ok with your partner though?

Because I’d find dh just expecting me to play over night host to someone who’s bored rather than an emergency a huge red flag.

Mumsnet strikes again.

You're not being unreasonable. He should have went and got the things that were needed and brought them home. If he wasn't coming straight home, he should have let you know since you were, you know, still running the house and looking after the children. If he wanted to bring his mum round he should have given you the heads up for the same reason.

He has failed in basic expectations on every measure there. You are not being unreasonable and it's absolute dick behaviour by posters trying to twist it.

You don't just disappear for ages and then turn up with your mum, saying that she's going to stay the night without checking with your wife/partner first. This MIL sounds critical and interfering and certainly not helpful.

An uninvited overnight guest would make me stabby let alone snappy! You’re not BU op.

@ButItWasNotYourFaultButMine 😂 spot on tbh. She treats him like he’s still 14 and he laps it up. “Ooh he’s had such a long day” he went to Asda and had a brew not climbed a mountain FFS. I should have booted him out again but I was so wound up I couldn’t even speak, just stared at him like are you actually serious right now. DS2 ended up in with me anyway cos he couldn’t settle in the spare bed. MIL snored like a flipping tractor apparently

@savethatkitty I didn’t send him cos I was already mentally doing murder in my head and didn’t trust myself not to scream in front of the kids 😂 just did a panic run this morning after school drop, now £30 down and still no idea what’s for tea. Fab.

I'd have been furious too. Is this weaponised fuckwittwery?

Of course he can support his mother, but to suddenly just bring her back and dump her on you and the kids isn't on. It upset everyone's routines and clearly should have been discussed first. It wasn't, so he shouldn't have done it. His mother is no better if she can't see that either!

I'd also have read him the riot act about not getting the nappies and sent him back out to Asda for them.

I wouldn't be happy either and he should have let you know where he was/what he was doing. However, could he be genuinely worried about her? Can see why you are upset though, just trying to understand his behaviour.

Absolutely this. I'd be raging too

Next time go get the nappies yourself and make sure to stop off at the pub on your way home.

she starts going on about how I’m “too snappy lately” and maybe I “need a break” and next thing he’s inviting her to ours for the night!

Who needs a break-you?

How is this giving you a break?

Didn't want to cause a scene? That's grounds for justifiable homicide.

OMG I think this would have sent me completely ffling interstellar at both of them and hang the consequences. I'd have certainly told him to take her home immediately, to stay there and seriously consider whether he wants to stay married.

He went to get nappies and brought his Mum back instead.

Phew... noww I'm knackered it's been a looong day but if my dh had turned up without the nappies and lunch box makings I'd specifically sent him to Asda for I'd be frustrated... but to then turn up with a guest without reason who he then had to turf a kid out their room on a school night... nah he'd be getting g earache and frankly she would also know she was adding to the burdenof the evening.

Do adults really have sleepovers when there’s no need? Unless you’re staying over from far away or babysitting then what is the point? Really sounds like he just dragged his mother over to cause annoyance. I wouldn’t have disturbed DC to let her sleep in their room. She would have been offered the sofa or going home.

I’d be livid and I’m happy that dh is close to his mum. Just don’t invite someone e over for the night without telling me, just like I wouldn’t do.
I hoped you made it clear to him that it’s not happening again.

I’m close to my sons actually. But then they are capable fathers who don’t come crying to me because they’ve been asked ti do some basic parenting.

"She sits on the sofa acting like Lady Muck, making hints about how “we need more family time”

What does she mean by this? Does family time mean sex? Or more time with her?

"and how she’s “worried about the kids not getting enough routine” (?!). "

So she decides to come and wreck the routine! 🙄

Sounds like your H has been bitching to her about you, OP.

I would deal with this honestly and directly,

e.g “MIL I gather you think I have been snappy lately and think I need a break and more family time. This is true. And last night you may have found me less welcoming than usual. I need to let you know that I had been waiting for DH to get back with nappies, an errand that should have taken 15 minutes. He was gone for over 2 hours without explanation, and returned without the nappies once I had put the kids to bed single handed. The truth is that by 9pm I am not able to rise to the occasion of unexpected visitors or overnight guests. “

YANBU obvs, but I would like to commend you on your amazing one liners “in her pyjamas and flipping slippers like it’s a spa weekend” 🤣