..to think that having a child who is average is fine. And that having a child who is advanced does not actually reflect upon anyone

[pagwatch]

...I have a staggeringly bright boy. i have another boy who has severe SN. I have a DD who is so far so average.
trhey are nice people. they are well mannered and very kind to each other. Loving, polite and affectionate.
I am not responsible for their IQ's - that is down to god the universe and genes .
The bright boy is not nicer than the boy with SN. My gorgeous average little DD is not of less worth than her more able brother.

Why are we all so obsessed with our kids 'smarts as if that is some holy grail bestowing health wealth and happiness.
And why do some of us seem to want to derive some vicarious kudos from the talents that their kids got from god knows where?

When did that start ?
AIBU that a whole generation of parents are going to be looking at their offspring in 20 years time wondering why they are just as averagly happy as everyone else ?

ahhh - and clearly my smart boy got his spelling and grammar from elsewhere

Yep, they cant ALL be prime minister can they?

I agree with you pagwatch - and that's why ds1 is still up on a school night watching his team play - because there is more to life than work, especially at 7.

Who doesn't like to think that their child is special? I for one live in hope that my kids will grow up with the ability to get out of this crappy town we live in, and make a mint of money for themselves. That would be why i might look for signs of 'above average' ability.
And money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps if you have it!

Fair point.
Except my DD clearly got her genius genes from her mother.

YANBU.

dd will be lucky if she can hold a pencil the right way up never mind owt else [GRIN]She is very happy and smily though.

DS is reasonably intelligent for a four year old but as long as he is happy I don't really mind if he doesn't become a rocket scientist.

I think it is far more important to have a child who is polite, well behaved and friendly (at least when in public if not at home) that one who is very bright and able.

I do worry that some children are being set up at such a young age to only "fail" at a later stage when they even out with their peers.

I agree godzilla.
all of us want our kids to be special. But why is it so so focussed now on IQ and nothing else. People who achieve are not only the most intelligent. Aptitude, tenacity, work ethic, social skills, committment etc can all help a person get on.

And money does help but the happiest people arn't always the richest. And the richest arn't always the brightest.

I agree Pagwatch, but have found perhaps to my cost that this opinion comes with experience. My PFB DD was also born extremely bright and my god did everyone know about it! Its only now as I've seen posts on mumsnet and she's started school that I've realised that its not big and its not clever to brag about your children, they are their talents and not yours. DS is 17 months and does not speak voluntarily or anything else considered 'advanced', but he is my gorgeous boy. Those with one PFB, just wait and see where the competitiveness gets you...nowhere.

I am quite happy with average. It is very sad that parents are pressurising their children to be the best at everything.

Well, I'm not alone in this, but my intelligence has translated to absolutely NOTHING in terms of health, wealth and happiness.

I envy my SN daughter her self-assurance, her kind and gentle nature, her sweetness. It's such a huge strength of hers her healthcare team adores her. She is popular with both boys and girls and her teachers.

The sound of her voice sounds is the sweetest thing I've ever heard - her lovely West Highland accent singing away thrills me and I hope she realises how lovely the sound of her country's voices is.

She is tall and slender with beautiful bone structure and colouring.

I have a strong feeling she will be a far, far happier person for all these attributes than I ever was or will be.

And I was the one who was 'gifted and talented'.

Well...at one time i was adamant that my DTDs were absolute child geniuses, which they aren't, but they are happy 10 year olds. Just because you are proud they are ahead at one stage of their lives doesn't mean you are going to be a pushy parent, or that you think they are going to be in Mensa.

Manners can be taught. And should be.
I too paywatch have ds1 extraordinarily clever then dd with SN but also now on G&T list thing. And further ds2 who follows anything that has a wheel...
Their behaviour reflects on me and I do make sure they are polite, well turned out and behave themselves. But I refuse to put their cleverness down to some notion of luck or chance.

expat
lovely post. I know what you mean

Message withdrawn

Ok....expats post was not there yet when i started typing...and i was going along the lines of people who have kids who aren't actually g&t!

Success to an extent depends on your circumstances anyway. You can be highly intelligent but if you have absolutely no monetary resources to draw on, you're unlikely to become super-rich.

Did anyone watch the programme about genius children recently? It made me incredibly happy to have two normal children.

From the documentary, it seemed that these super bright children had few friends and did not seem that happy. But that may be because the parents expected too much for them and wanted them to achieve rather than live their lives.

pagwatch you are so right and we don't hear this kind of sentiment often enough on MN. I went to one of the two universities in Britain traditionally held to be the "best" ones (v. debatable!) and had a miserable time surrounded by mostly miserable people, all vying to get the highest first etc. etc. My DB who went to a very average place and got a very low class of degree had a blast for 3 years, matured enormously and now has a top, top job in terms of satisfaction, interesting, challenging environment, fame, wealth, you name it! Out of my DCs the happier one is the more average one at school too....

I agree absolutely pagwatch. When my nephew was diagnosed with a severe learning difficulty earlier this year, my sister was coming back from the EP totally shell-shocked when she ran into another mum who went on and on and on about what marvellous achievements her DS was making in every endeavour, G&T etc etc. It made my sister feel like shit. And just like (I hope) none of us feel like it is our fault if our child is merely average (or has SN), it's not because we're wonderful parents if our child is advanced.

Your post is beautiful expat

I don't think we are all obsessed with IQ...

I would like dd (and ds-to-be) to have confidence, resilience and intelligence - but a social intelligence rather than necessarily an academic one. I don't really hold much regard for exam results or high status careers, as I think there are more important things in life. Would be much prouder if she can get on with a variety of different people and has found something she loves to do at Yr 11, than a string of As at GCSE.

Kids are amazing in general with how they learn - it all fascinates me (language, maths, spatial, social etc) and I love to watch dd grasp new concepts. Am sure it comes across as PFB but I am just delighted to observe her enjoyment of learning really (as with other children - I just don't see it as closely as with my own I guess).

bet you'll be astounded to hear I agree with your post pagwatch.

i love 'average' but believe everyone has special talents that are not always academic. being a nice person is more important than how many qualifications a person gets!!!

PS I read 'average' as being about IQ. When teaching, I never really saw any child as 'average' as IMO all children have 'something' that makes them unique, likeable and 'them' (I know that's very hippy and liberal but was true).

I was assuming that average referred to IQ.There are lots of qualities that are far more important.

Oh I so agree with you pagwatch. My ds1 has just turned three and recognises numbers up to twenty and all letters, didn't know where to go with him so am at present teaching him to read! This worries me because I am no genius! What will I be having to teach him at eighgt? Also when he goes to school is he going to be bored stiff because so far ahead?