..to think that having a child who is average is fine. And that having a child who is advanced does not actually reflect upon anyone

[pagwatch]

...I have a staggeringly bright boy. i have another boy who has severe SN. I have a DD who is so far so average.
trhey are nice people. they are well mannered and very kind to each other. Loving, polite and affectionate.
I am not responsible for their IQ's - that is down to god the universe and genes .
The bright boy is not nicer than the boy with SN. My gorgeous average little DD is not of less worth than her more able brother.

Why are we all so obsessed with our kids 'smarts as if that is some holy grail bestowing health wealth and happiness.
And why do some of us seem to want to derive some vicarious kudos from the talents that their kids got from god knows where?

When did that start ?
AIBU that a whole generation of parents are going to be looking at their offspring in 20 years time wondering why they are just as averagly happy as everyone else ?

Ps that's assuming he keeps up this pace of learning.
Pps he is a lovely, happy wee boy and does the usual stuff three year olds do but just loves to learn.

Lol..you just read the rest of the thread didn't you only1?

expat your post is soooooo lovely.
and i so agree with you,
to the op yanbu
dd has sn and is know and loved by all at her school. ds is average but he is has smarts galore and is the most lovely bot(apart from suffering I am 16 and know it all)

Are we all obsessed though? IQ is almost a taboo subject in RL, so I think that's why people like to talk about it incognito which is maybe why there seems to be an obsession here. I doubt many people would disagree that while being bright may give you more choices in life, it's no guarantee of wealth, happiness or health. Being comfortable in your own skin is more important imo.

Oh god, I though a kid's intelligence was direct reflection of good parenting. I am relieved to find out otherwise.

i couldn't agree more. dd is probably a genius but it's definitely down to luck/genes/divine intervention and not anything i've done. I feel uneasy when people heap praise on her tbh, it's far more important that she grows up happy, well adjusted and healthy than thinking 'im oh-so-clever-look-at-me'.

Agree, pagwatch but it is clear to me that when my DSs are considerate, polite and super-smart, it reflects on me. When they are monsters they get it from their dad.

I guess that means that DS has inherited nothing from me then

you know.....MY mother was extraordinarilu bright.

she was a very early talker and reader by all acounts

she went to grammer school!

she passed all her o'levels with top marks.

and all her a'levels were top marks too!

she then went to uni in london to train as a teacher, met my father, fell in with the (then very typical) uni crowd who were all into drugs....was the time and culture then, early 70's.

she took herion and lsd (some while pregnant with me so I have been told)

the lsd damaged her mind so much she is now schizophrenic and has been in and out of homes and hospitals since I was 18mths, except for a brief time when she was deemed 'ok' and had my brother....

since I was 10, she has been in institutions full time

I have no good memories of her.....

she was very very bright..she has wasted her life!

NOW...I KNOW that this is not the story for 99% of G&T children, but for that 1% the pressure is that much that something has to give in some way.....(altho, that can be the same for 'average' kiddies too.....it is not confined I know that).

with all that in mind, for me, it means that however proud I am of my kiddies, and as much as I want them to do well......life skills and the knowledge of being respectable and giving respect and treating others as you would like to be treated etc.....that is more important to me

((I do however reserve the right to boast occasionally when they do dance medals well tho!!!!))

psychomum, what an incredibly sad story

hey.....yes, sad, but

made me me, and I have to say, as much as it does still get to me, if I hadn;t lived that I would never have met my DH and have the family I now do, so......

can't wish it away IYGWIM.

Great that you can look at it that way.

just cos - you children reflect you.

mines gone to Butlins

Pagwatch, I don't think you'll find anyone here that believes a smart or gifted child is more worthy than another less gifted. Every parent loves their children, irrespectively of each child's talents, just like you demonstrate.
So I don't believe your point is a valid one.

emkana.......get me on a PMT day or a general 'life is shite' day.....my opinions change somewhat

I am not so forgiving ALL the time!!!!

and I still think my kiddies are the best ever!!!!

YANBU

I was considered G&T when I was school... but I also had poor social skills, was bullied and generally unhappy. I excelled academically but was miserable. I resent my dad who used to brag about me constantly (and still does) yet never bothered to spend much time with me, and still manages to make me feel like I'm not that important to him in that I feel I have to play second fiddle to my DSM's family. He likes to take credit for my achievements even though he f*ed off when I was 12 and left my mum to bring me and my 2 dbs up, who both had learning difficulties - in fact he lost interested them completely when they were struggling at school.
And I didn't do that well at uni.. because I lacked confidence and didn't ask for help when I needed it,
Now I have ds, I will praise all his tiny accomplishments, and will continue to do so, no matter how mundane and average they are. Couldn't give a toss if he is only average or if he turns out to be sn like my dbs. As long as he grows up happy and content that is all that matters to me.

(Oh and he can play chess at Grand Master level by the time he is 3 )

YANBU, although I think it is good for a child to be encouraged to achieve whatever they are capable of, it is silly to focus solely on IQ and particularly if it is to the detriment of raising happy, healthy children to be sensible, friendly independant adults.

pagwatch - i like you - every time i read your posts you make perfect sense in a world that seems to hae gone mad

pagwatch for pm I say

Re cleverness in kids.

In the general run of things, nice kids do just fine. niceness often gets you as far, if not further in life than smarts, and can sometimes make for a much more comfortable life.

Much of it is the luck of the draw

good and interesting post!

I think it comes from the recent belief that parenting is a job, a career even. Nothing can be left to chance. And we all like to think we do our job as well as possible. So if you play baby Mozart, baby Einstein CDs (or whatever they are called), send them to Kumon maths lessons, use flash cards, only provide them with 'educational' toys, provide everything that might possibly give them an advantage, it suits you to beleive that you have a very bright child as a result. Oh look at my clever child, didn't I do well?

Whereas those of the rest of us who don't do that, or not too such an extent, are perhaps more able to stand back in amazement and be delighted and grateful when our child turns out to be a prodigy, but see it as no more important than politeness or good nature or good looks. An accident of birth that we are no more responsible for than blond hair or long legs.