How much do your partners cook? Maybe I’m expecting too kuch

[eynjln]

DH works full time, leaves home 8.30 comes back around 6. I’m either looking after our toddler, working (part time self employed), or cleaning, or cooking, or food shopping.

im pretty exhausted. I’ve asked DH to step up in the cooking department but he says he doesn’t know how to, and also because he doesn’t enjoy it (I used to but now I hate it). For reference, his ‘chores’ are:

• taking the bins out (I often have to remind him/ask)
• the dishes after I’ve cooked

he’ll cook maybe one lunch at the weekend, the same meal every weekend.

i can’t tell if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. He’s great and hands on with our toddler for the most part. I just really love to be looked after but I’m started to get irritated with doing the cooking. I also do all the house stuff (putting together furniture, sorting out repairs, insurance, etc). But then again he works full time and is out of the house waaay more than me! I’m wondering if my tiredness is just making me super resentful and I’m picking at things that are NBD

We take it in turns to cook but we also both work full time. If you are working part time then I'd expect you to cook more but he should definitely cook sometimes.

DH works full time. I work part time. The cooking (like the eating!) is split evenly between us. Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does. If anything, it tends to swing more towards him doing more than me, largely because he's the one who most often makes up school lunches for the kids.

We've always split it roughly evenly, before kids and now. It works for us.

We both work full time but my partner cooks most of the time. He enjoys it though where as I really do not!!

I plan, shop and cook the weekday meals. Dh usually cooks Saturday and Sunday.

We both work FT - husband cooks most nights, I do Sunday roast. We have a booked delivery with a supermarket and we meal plan and add what’s needed.
Who ever cooks the other person washes up and cleans kitchen

My partner has his faults, don't get me wrong, but he does 90% of the cooking. I work full time (when not on mat leave) but surely a SAHM is a full time job in itself? Unless you can get the prep done during the day at nap time (and let other chores be added to the pot for division after you've both clocked off from your day jobs when he gets home - yours being SAHM) then expecting him to do half of the cooking or equal time worth of other chores is perfectly reasonable IMO

Of course he can do some of the cooking - ignore him if he says he can’t. If he is an adult capable of holding down a job, he can read a recipe, do food shopping, prepare a meal and clean up afterwards. If not, he’ll need to find some cookery classes for beginners.

My husband is a better cook than me so if he's home he cooks. If he's not I do it. He also does the food shopping.

What time does dinner need starting?
If there isn’t time for a shower after he gets home then I’d understand his irritation.

I would focus on him doing more weekend cooking. It sounds like he can cook but like you, doesn’t enjoy it. How would he feel if your requested a specific meal? Personally I like cooking but hate deciding what to cook and am not against a cheat meal like a Dine in for 2 deal. Do you have quick meals ? If your dinners are like supermarket pizzas then that’s a lot easier than cooking a bolognese.

As the SAHM you should be doing more but which jobs depends on the time that they need to be done. For example if you’d feel happier with him doing bath time because the pots annoy you less then have you considered asking ?

Op isn’t a SAHM she also works part time

I think if your only working part and are at home i would expect you to do the majority of the cooking. If he's not home until 6 I'd rather him spend a bit of time with toddler before bed rather then get home get changed/showered and then start cooking a meal

My husband does 90% of the cooking but on the flip side I do 90% of the cleaning. He enjoys it (mainly) and I don’t. If he can’t be arsed though or is out/away/late home from work then I do it.

When we were both working, 50/50. When my husband retired and I still worked full-time, he cooked always. Nowadays, we’re both retired, and he cooks maybe 70 percent because he is more into having a proper meal every night than I am.

I do more housework and gardening though.

DH and I both work part-time (no kids) and neither of us really cook. We mostly have soup, sandwiches, pizza, salads, jacket potatoes, pasta etc.

Husband works full time cooks probably 90% of the time including weekends.Regardless of whatever hours i work or don't. We will take it In turns or take over part way through if needed. We don't really have set Jobs we just do whatever needs doing when it needs doing. We have young children so one of us is always doing some sort of chore.

In you situation op I'd expect him to be stepping up a lot more.

And I would also like to work full time but we can’t afford childcare even if I got a full time job! So I work in the evenings and during her nap times, sometimes a little on the weekends

i think this is probably where I get annoyed. I would be so fine with that, I encourage it actually, but he comes home and needs 30 mins to do his routine etc alone. Which I get, he’s had a long day etc but so have I, and I’m still cooking and taking care of our child and all the other things until she goes to bed at 7. He will change her nappy, and then ever. Single. Time. He will say “oh I forgot her pyjamas/nappy cream, can you go grab it” and I’m like ….. can you pls just take care of this one thing

Probably over the course of our relationship it's been 50:50. At the moment dh cooks more (he works full time, I'm part time but I also have a chronic illness). When I was a SAHM or working part time and at home more I cooked.

I can get why you're frustrated @eynjln. Especially as he doesn't seem to want to put the effort in. What about getting him to try something like Hello Fresh/Gousto boxes? The recipes are easy to follow and you don't have to think about it much.

I do most of the cooking because DH works full time and often late. He’ll do a little more in winter when work is quieter and he’s home earlier.

Do some easy meals sometimes- jacket potatoes, pasta and veg with a jar of pesto. Or I do a lot of slow cooker meals so I’ll prepare it all in the morning when I have more energy and toddler is happier playing by himself, then it’s good to go at dinner time. I’ll also make huge batches when using the slow cooker so that’s enough for about 3 meals for the 3 of us.

I cook. DH washes up. I batch cook sometimes so I don’t have to cook from scratch every day.

Oh, so it's not about the cooking really is it? He thinks all domestic/childcare duties are down to you and he just gets to pick up the fun stuff. No, that's not fair and doesn't sound like a partnership.

Needs an honest, frank conversation but at a time when you're not knackered/already pissed off with him because then you'll be 'just a nag'. Good luck.

I do all the cooking but that is because I enjoy it and I want to.
DH does all school holiday childcare (unless I have AL, he is a teacher), and we share the cleaning and activities. When the kids were babies I think he did more night duties than me - he functions well on little sleep and springs up like he has a rocket up his arse hahaha

Mine does all the cooking because he enjoys it and is better at it. But I do all the housework and laundry. Maybe he could take over another task instead?

Your grown adult husband has chores. Like a child. This is the root of the problem. Each adult should just do what's needs doing as and when it needs doing.

I don’t think your arrangement sounds unfair cooking wise, more like you are generally exhausted and need to offload some tasks on him.
Can you simplify your cooking and use more shortcuts e.g fishfingers, frozen vegs, etc? Or batch cook and freeze? I found that it helped me enormously.