How much do your partners cook? Maybe I’m expecting too kuch

[eynjln]

DH works full time, leaves home 8.30 comes back around 6. I’m either looking after our toddler, working (part time self employed), or cleaning, or cooking, or food shopping.

im pretty exhausted. I’ve asked DH to step up in the cooking department but he says he doesn’t know how to, and also because he doesn’t enjoy it (I used to but now I hate it). For reference, his ‘chores’ are:

• taking the bins out (I often have to remind him/ask)
• the dishes after I’ve cooked

he’ll cook maybe one lunch at the weekend, the same meal every weekend.

i can’t tell if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. He’s great and hands on with our toddler for the most part. I just really love to be looked after but I’m started to get irritated with doing the cooking. I also do all the house stuff (putting together furniture, sorting out repairs, insurance, etc). But then again he works full time and is out of the house waaay more than me! I’m wondering if my tiredness is just making me super resentful and I’m picking at things that are NBD

At the moment DH is doing it all as I have broken my arm but usually he cooks once a week, occasionally twice. He’s self employed & works 6 days a week. I’m part time,16 hours over 4 days. DH is a very good cook & baker. He made a lot of bread during lockdown which was delicious.

It’s what mine says too! He’s totally spoilt me. When we eat out 90% of the time the food is disappointing because his cooking is excellent.

Fair enough if it works for you!

I find divvying up chores helps me manage my time much better. I think if we took a "do it when it needs doing" approach, you'd have to always prioritise housework because technically there's always something that can be done - and if you prioritised something else your partner would feel you'd left a crap job for them and resentment would build.

Whereas if I'm snowed under with work, like last week, it helps to know I don't have to think about cooking at all, even if it needs doing. On the other hand I can plan to fit my chores, like hoovering, around my work, and even if it gets done a bit late then DP doesn't think I'm foisting it on him.

We are the opposite in that I’m out the house a similar amount of time as your husband and my Dh is at home a lot more. He is the better cook and enjoys it more so does most of the cooking.

My Dh hasn’t expressed a desire for me to cook more but I want to do my bit so we use gusto twice a week (everything measured out, clear instructions etc so I don’t have to do much thinking!) and we’ll have something quick and easy like a pizza once a week.

DH does all the cooking here. The poor sod hasn't forgotten my various inedible attempts over the years!

We've always shared the cooking. We're both part time now but that was the case when we were full time. My week is busier so I would say he does a bit more cooking than I do at the moment.

Same here. Even our kids are invariably disappointed when we eat out because ‘it’s not as nice as daddy’s cooking’!

I would never date a man who did not split the cooking so its moot.

I don’t date men looking for bangmaids.

I would never date a man who did not split the cooking so its moot.

Even if he wanted to do it all? I can assure you that’s absolute bliss.

How did he feed himself before you had DC or before you cooked for him?
He's a grown man and should be able to cook, he won't get better by never cooking.

Few suggestions:
Delegate him a couple of nights to provide the meal, so he either gets ready meals, takeaway etc if he doesn't actually want to cook from scratch.

Cook together once he's decompressed and LO is in bed.

Even as a sahm which I know you aren't, I don't think it's the woman's job to feed the man. A sahm is at home to look after the child.

Tell him you want to go back to work full time (regardless of childcare costs at this point) and he will have to do half of all household chores including cooking.

Once that prospect has dawned on him perhaps he will take it more seriously to do more now.

DH cooks maybe one meal every 2-3 weeks. I'm a sahm and he is at the office 5 days, so it makes sense for me to cook dinner on his work days as he's not home until 5.30pm amd we eat dinner from 5 (the dcs start eating earlier). At weekends we often have something batch cooked by me, but sometimes he'll do a roast. He helps prep sandwiches at the weekends for packed lunches, and he gives the dcs breakfast most mornings (no cooking) while I get myself ready. We're both happy with that split.

There was a moment early on when I realised that if this worked out, I would never eat badly again, nor have to try to cook again. Actually felt a bit high off that thought. Can't believe it's actually happened!

I work longer hours than him and cook ~5 nights a week because DH is focusing on homework with the kids. Your DP is tragic……

Brilliant isn’t it? Like having personal chef.

Twice in 17 years!

Dh always worked much longer hours than I did, so I never expected him to cook - and for many years while we were abroad he only ever had one day off a week. And he never showed any interest in cooking, though thank goodness he will eat absolutely anything and is always appreciative of whatever he’s given.

After he retired he still doesn’t cook, but invariably clears up the kitchen, loads the dishwasher and unloads it in the morning, which suits me fine. I much prefer cooking to clearing up!

Yep! Especially as one of my very important contributions (to "take the mental load off" DP) is to help meal plan (finding recipes I like on the internet and sending them to him).

We both work full time, we cook together then wash up together. Very very unusual that one of us cooks alone - it’s just how we spend a bit of quality time together.

Every night, he likes cooking more than I do.

We do use gusto though! Even though I’m actually a decent cook. What I hate is having to decide the menus 😂

My Dad worked in London when I was a kid & didn't get home till 7-ish so my SAHM did all the cooking. But she took Saturdays off - went horseriding & then to the hairdressers and didn't cook that day.

My Dad could have learnt to cook but never got further than omelettes, toasted sandwiches & fry ups for lunch. So he paid for our Saturday night's take away instead.

Maybe negotiating a formal day off might work for you?

I mean one who wanted me to do all of it.

I have dated a man who wanted to do all of it (I can cook but he refused to trust me to cook because he was French and was adamant no English person could cook).

I let him get on with it!