How much do your partners cook? Maybe I’m expecting too kuch

[eynjln]

DH works full time, leaves home 8.30 comes back around 6. I’m either looking after our toddler, working (part time self employed), or cleaning, or cooking, or food shopping.

im pretty exhausted. I’ve asked DH to step up in the cooking department but he says he doesn’t know how to, and also because he doesn’t enjoy it (I used to but now I hate it). For reference, his ‘chores’ are:

• taking the bins out (I often have to remind him/ask)
• the dishes after I’ve cooked

he’ll cook maybe one lunch at the weekend, the same meal every weekend.

i can’t tell if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. He’s great and hands on with our toddler for the most part. I just really love to be looked after but I’m started to get irritated with doing the cooking. I also do all the house stuff (putting together furniture, sorting out repairs, insurance, etc). But then again he works full time and is out of the house waaay more than me! I’m wondering if my tiredness is just making me super resentful and I’m picking at things that are NBD

We don't have kids any more, but we have it. The one person does food and another person does laundry.

This is what I was going to say.

Asking who does the cooking doesn’t actually answer your question accurately OP- in my house I do probably 90% of the cooking, I enjoy it, I’m the one who is home from work first which makes it easier for me to do it & I’d rather my husband spend the time between him getting home & bedtime with our little girl. BUT does that mean I do 90% of everything? Definitely not. While yes I cook every night, my husband washes the dishes every night, he sorts the bins, he does 90% of the laundry washing, I do most of the putting away.

It’s not just about the cooking, it’s about everything feeling fair overall.

So I work full time. Hubby is a stay at home parent to a school age child. He does most of the washing and the cleaning. I do most of the cooking- he will do warm it up or hello fresh boxes and I do more adventurous cooking. However I have changed my hours and don't get home till 6- so he feeds her- and I feed us...
However it gets on my goat that I feed them breakfast, lunch and tea at weekends (Fri, Sat and sun)- and he gets 4 evenings of school teas- sausage and mash, pasta, fish fingers etc.. which are easy. I also do the meal plan and shopping

DP does almost all the cooking. He’s a bit of an amateur chef and he really enjoys doing it. Usually something simple on weeknights, then he does more interesting stuff at weekends when he has the time for multi-stage recipes, reduced sauces etc etc. I encourage his culinary endeavours, obviously!

He enjoys food shopping, too, although we do take turns for fairness. We both work FT.

Your DH is out of the house and doesn't return until after 6pm so he can't access the kitchen, also quite long days, so I woul expect to do most of the cooking, and most other stuff, if I was PT and at home.

He could cook at the weekend of course, or one weeknight, but you could also batch cook to make life easier?

You will likely be asked how many hours you work and if you could adjust this to evening times after DC in bed. Xx

So by his logic, 'not enjoying cooking' means he doesn't have to do it?

Perhaps you should think about what you do and don't enjoy such as doing his laundry, cleaning, money management, waiting in for tradespeople etc and not do those in future.

30 minutes to “do his routine”? What the hell is that??

Yeah I'd get annoyed at that to as he should be spending time with his child every single day. I do get the whole needing to decompress from work but he can do that when little one is in bed. This is just the reality when you have small children you don't get much time to yourself so he needs to be available for that hour or 2 for his child

I’m a sahm. I’d say DH cooks twice a week (dinner) one at weekend and a work from home weekday. I cook all other times.

he unloads dishwasher and loads half the time. He does half the hoovering. He will do 2 loads of washing a week (I probably do about 6).

Exactly the same here. I loathe cooking and consider it the worst of all domestic chores so DH does all the meal planning and shopping and nearly all the cooking but I pull my weight in other (far less tedious) tasks.

My partner works full time, I work 4 days and we have a 2 yo.
He does pretty much all the cooking as he enjoys it and I hate it.
I do the clearing up after dinner and I do all the washing (as I Iike it done in a particular way). We split most other jobs 50/50.

This is what I tried to do! I batch cook, enormous meals, but he has an enormous appetite so the meals only last us 1 evening as a family, his lunch the next day, and my daughter’s dinner too. So no matter what I have to cook every day

Can he wipe his own arse? Yes? Then he can cook.

Yeah I think that’s the thing, once I did a work trial and was away from my daughter the whole day. All I wanted to do was be with her once I got home. But I am also mindful that my partner has ADHD so decompresses differently. I don’t mind the alone time but I think it’s more that when he does come out, I always have to be involved in some way in what he’s doing, such as helping with the bins or helping clear the pans into Tupperware etc

My partner and I both work full time, but we both can agree his job is a lot easier, less busy and less stressful than mine. He does all the meal planning, food shopping and cooking. But then I do pretty much everything else (cleaning, laundry etc). It feels relatively equal, especially as I hate the mental load of thinking of what meals to have, glad he takes care of all of that, as well as doing the grocery shopping.

What did you do before kids?

My lifesaver when I have had babies (and even now as we both work full time with 5 kids) is my slowcooker. I had no energy to even think about meals in the evening and would get frustrated and annoyed that it was always 'my job' - my husbands a terrible cook. SO my slow cooker was/is my go-to I would just throw in frozen mince, beef stock, a tin of tomatoes, fry up some onion and garlic and put it all on low until the evening when I would turn it into tacos or mince and rice or cottage pie or spag bol. (What ever I felt like by then) but most of the work was done and it didn't feel anywhere near as exhausting. I would even just throw a whole frozen chicken in and by the evening it would have roasted in its own juice and be amazing. Honestly. Slow cooker/crock pot = life saver.

I would eat my main meal at lunchtime and have a snack, toast, sandwich for dinner
things you have to do when living with a lazy arse
who does the washing, bathroom cleaning?

How many hours do you work, OP? And is it the kind of work with specific targets and deadlines and clients etc, or more the kind of work that you can do as and when, at your own pace? Because my answer about how much he should do kind of depends on how much else you're doing.

Regardless of that, it's pathetic that he says he can't cook. He could easily learn if he made a slight effort.

Oh ffs I think you may have married my ex..

Why in 2025 grown adult men think it's acceptable to not know how, or contribute to cooking for the family is beyond me

Mine cooks 40% of the time because I really enjoy it. He's also a great cook.

Not enjoying it is absolutely not an excuse. I hate cleaning but it still needs to happen and yes he shares that too

My DH does most of the cooking in our house. He enjoys it but says the routine of it sucks the joy out of it sometimes. If he asks me to cook on a whim I panic as I hate cooking and I need a recipe and all the ingredients rather than just magicing something up from the cupboards. We've compromised and do a Gousto/Hello Fresh order for a couple of nights a week. I don't mind that type of cooking and it gives him a break. Could you think about something like that perhaps?

I do literally everything in the house, not exaggerating, apart from the bins. He mostly cleans up after dinner but sometimes I do it as I go along (apart from the plates). I think the reason why I’m focused on cooking is because I just really love being cooked for, it makes me feel very cared for

Hmmm. I think doing this a couple nights a week could work. We couldn’t afford it fully but 2 nights we could definitely stretch

Around 8-10, which isn’t a lot but we can’t afford childcare so it’s my capacity! I have deadlines and clients. I always have deadlines but some are less tight than others

Mine does 95% of the cooking (and cleans up afterwards). Our circumstances are quite different to yours though.