Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I respond to ex loves wife?

132 replies

newbalanced · 03/06/2025 14:13

So for context. I come from a small town, the type where everyone moves away and then returns to raise family.
I left for uni and never returned, settling where I studied. I’ve since met a wonderful man, married and gone onto have children.

At 17 I fell in love with a lad & we were involved for about 5 years, getting together when home from uni etc but it was very one sided. I was infatuated but he’d pick me up and put me down where it suited. For a long time I thought we’d end up together properly but after the years of back and forth I ended things for my own sanity! No hard feelings, I’ve grown up and just see it as a learning experience which eventually led me to real love.

I return to the town to see my dearest friends but have never crossed paths with this ex. It’s been 20 years. Early Last year he moved back to town with new wife and they have become friends with one of my closest friends (we share lots of old friends ) Close friend is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid. Ex’s wife is invited in the hen and we have all been added to a group chat.

Last night Exs wife messaged me privately. Said she “knew who I was” and “what I meant to Ex” and wanted it put out there so there was no weirdness. Confused

I simply replied “Hi, nice to meet you, but I’m not quite sure what you mean” because I had no idea of her angle.

She went onto say the Ex had told her how I was once the love of his life and the one that got away.

I haven’t replied because I have no idea how to. Do I reply flippantly, no problem type thing or should I explain what it was in my eyes??

I kinda want to brush over it because it’s weird to hear this new take on my history!!!

OP posts:
DontReplyIWillLie · 05/06/2025 04:16

Smack her in the gob.

Arctician · 07/06/2025 19:06

Your ex obviously hasn’t changed over the 20 years. You made a wise move all those years ago. You grew up. Sounds like he never did. He’s an immature twat who is now winding his wife up, just like he used to do with you. Obs can’t be sure of the wife’s motive but I think the general advice you’ve already received here is sound. Reply should be bland and friendly .. “ oh it was a looonngg time ago and we both had a bit of growing up to do … “

Tanjamaltija · 07/06/2025 21:22

I do not remember it like that, at all, but anyway, we were just kids, and it's all water under the bridge... that is all.

Coco1379 · 07/06/2025 22:40

Treat her as a friend to get to know. DP and I see ExDH and his wife when DCs or DGCs have an event. So don’t have issues. A hug greeting and goodbye and that’s it.
DP lived in Sweden for 16 years with his Swedish wife, until they divorced, and it seems ex partners mix with each other as a matter of course. Much better for all concerned than having to choose one partner or the other because they will not be in the same room together.

OneWittyGuide · 08/06/2025 13:47

He sounds delightful, if I was a cynical person I’d say that this is a lie he told his wife to keep her insecure about him! Brush over it, even better downplay the seriousness of it!

Pherian · 08/06/2025 22:01

newbalanced · 03/06/2025 14:13

So for context. I come from a small town, the type where everyone moves away and then returns to raise family.
I left for uni and never returned, settling where I studied. I’ve since met a wonderful man, married and gone onto have children.

At 17 I fell in love with a lad & we were involved for about 5 years, getting together when home from uni etc but it was very one sided. I was infatuated but he’d pick me up and put me down where it suited. For a long time I thought we’d end up together properly but after the years of back and forth I ended things for my own sanity! No hard feelings, I’ve grown up and just see it as a learning experience which eventually led me to real love.

I return to the town to see my dearest friends but have never crossed paths with this ex. It’s been 20 years. Early Last year he moved back to town with new wife and they have become friends with one of my closest friends (we share lots of old friends ) Close friend is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid. Ex’s wife is invited in the hen and we have all been added to a group chat.

Last night Exs wife messaged me privately. Said she “knew who I was” and “what I meant to Ex” and wanted it put out there so there was no weirdness. Confused

I simply replied “Hi, nice to meet you, but I’m not quite sure what you mean” because I had no idea of her angle.

She went onto say the Ex had told her how I was once the love of his life and the one that got away.

I haven’t replied because I have no idea how to. Do I reply flippantly, no problem type thing or should I explain what it was in my eyes??

I kinda want to brush over it because it’s weird to hear this new take on my history!!!

I would be polite to her. If it was me, I’d say thanks, appreciate her reaching out. That I was young and didn’t take the relationship that seriously so you had no idea. Tell her you’re happily married and hope they are too. Then change the subject to the wedding events and keep it light - see you there kind of thing.

Grendel7 · 09/06/2025 17:18

newbalanced · 03/06/2025 14:13

So for context. I come from a small town, the type where everyone moves away and then returns to raise family.
I left for uni and never returned, settling where I studied. I’ve since met a wonderful man, married and gone onto have children.

At 17 I fell in love with a lad & we were involved for about 5 years, getting together when home from uni etc but it was very one sided. I was infatuated but he’d pick me up and put me down where it suited. For a long time I thought we’d end up together properly but after the years of back and forth I ended things for my own sanity! No hard feelings, I’ve grown up and just see it as a learning experience which eventually led me to real love.

I return to the town to see my dearest friends but have never crossed paths with this ex. It’s been 20 years. Early Last year he moved back to town with new wife and they have become friends with one of my closest friends (we share lots of old friends ) Close friend is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid. Ex’s wife is invited in the hen and we have all been added to a group chat.

Last night Exs wife messaged me privately. Said she “knew who I was” and “what I meant to Ex” and wanted it put out there so there was no weirdness. Confused

I simply replied “Hi, nice to meet you, but I’m not quite sure what you mean” because I had no idea of her angle.

She went onto say the Ex had told her how I was once the love of his life and the one that got away.

I haven’t replied because I have no idea how to. Do I reply flippantly, no problem type thing or should I explain what it was in my eyes??

I kinda want to brush over it because it’s weird to hear this new take on my history!!!

Sounds like she wants your side of the story as she's aware of you now and wants to know from your perspective.Most men would not tell their current woman about the "love of their life"as that's just asking for trouble! No, he has glazed it over, she doesn't believe him. She wants you to tell her it was nothing, he wants to make her jealous. You had a lucky escape!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page