Husband waking me up at night

[sleepchaser]

My husband, when he is off work, likes a few drinks (as do I), but whereas I will go to bed when I'm tired, he will sometimes fall asleep on the sofa, with all the lights on, and the TV still on. We are in a terraced house, and this has elicited many complaints by the neighbours, as they can hear the TV through the walls (which is definitely annoying at 2am!).

When this happens, I end up waking up at about 2am, hearing the TV is still on, find a dressing gown, go downstairs, turn everything off and come back up to bed. He then comes up at about 4am, so then I'm woken again when he gets into bed. My alarm then goes off at 6.30am for work. I work 7 days a week (self empoyed), so I never get a lie in. This is not a problem, as I love my job, and the pay is great, but it IS a problem to be woken at 2am and 4am, when I have such an early start.

At the moment, he probably only does this a couple of times a month, but he has been doing it for a very long time, also, he is on annual leave just now - he is 3 days into his leave, and it's happened 2 nights out of 3.

Last night, when I came down at 1.30am, I turned everything off, but I also tried to wake him to come up, to save a further waking later on. He didn't wake when I said his name, so I slapped his leg, and he then woke with a start. Well, he was LIVID. I went up to bed, and he quickly followed. I assumed he would get into bed as well, but he actually grabbed the duvet and pulled the whole thing off me and threw it on the floor, shouting about how livid he was. After standing there for about 30 seconds glaring at me, he picked the duvet back up from the floor and threw it over me, in such a way as my head was now completely covered. He then stormed off to the spare room, and slept there all night.

After I got up at 6.30am, he went back into the master bedroom, drew the blackout curtains and went back to sleep until he was ready to get up.

He retires in about 20 months, but I will still be working, and I am worried that this will then become a regular thing.

What do other people make of this? I know I shouldn't have slapped his leg to wake him up, but I just wanted to go back to sleep without a further waking at 4am.

I'd be googling the recipe for beef wellington for this man

Personally I think the smart plug is just enabling your DH to carry on with his terrible, inconsiderate behaviour.

Looking at smart plugs, thank you!

Beef Wellington 😂

could you set up an amazon echo network? You can use smart plugs to turn off the power to pretty much anything......either that or a boot up the arse?

If he only ever treats you badly when alcohol is involved then in your shoes I would give him an ultimatum: quit alcohol or our marriage is over

There is no excuse for what he did to you last night, and even if it never escalated into violence, to me it's a major red flag and I couldn't stay in a relationship in which I was treated like this.

If he is selfish regardless of whether alcohol is involved, or there have been other "one off" incidents, then I would initiate divorce proceedings.

The only way I would consider continuing the relationship was if his behaviour was limited to alcohol use, he acknowledged an alcohol problem and quit alcohol for good.

If you want to stay with him, have separate bedrooms permanently and a timer on the TV. Personally, I’d be thinking about divorce.

Can he not just turn the TV down at least? Then it won't be bothering nextdoor?

Divorce him.

Smart plug then. Easy. Control it with an app - can set it to a schedule or ad hoc

Plug it directly into an external timer. That way you don’t need to worry about him forgetting to set it.

All these solutions to turn off a TV, solutions for the OP to implement.🙄

Her husband is an abusive pig and she needs to take his abuse seriously before the nasty drunken prick retires.

Well of course it’s the answer to everything isn’t it from not turning the telly off to forgetting to call the cat in before bed. Let’s all just get divorced eh.

It is not the answer to everything but it is the answer to this particular poster.

He lies easily to get out of trouble, then.

@sleepchaser You can get smart light bulbs too so you can also turn the lights off for your giant man baby.

Have no desire for a divorce. Apart from this, we have very few problems. Get on most of the time. But when this happens it's very frustrating. I am almost falling asleep at my desk this am.

Not worried about lamps being on really. Just the TV because of the neighbours!

It's inconsiderate, highly irritating and needs a solution for you and your neighbours' sake, but calling the duvet incident 'abusive' is ridiculous. No one should be having an argument, disagreement or even a conversation at 2am – it will never come to any good. He was annoyed at you for slapping him awake and took the duvet in retaliation. To call it abusive is laughable.

The timers for the lights and TV are a good idea.

Direct your neighbours complaints to him – every time. Give them his number, etc. Get a lock for your bedroom door so that he can't come in if he's not up at X time.

Gosh him ripping the duvet off you has given me chills. I'm so sorry. What would it be next time, a glass of water over you? A slap?

I can't ever imagine doing this to someone I love. Can you?

Get smart timers for the TV and then sleep in the other room anytime you think this is likely to happen.
He doesn’t sound like a very nice person.

Cup of ice water to the face every time, and a lock on the bedroom door so he can't get in.

And keep the wifi box in your room so you can cut the internet off from upstairs and turn off the TV.

And start being very loud at 6:30am. Start your day with a musical sing-a-long, it's good for the soul. Yours, not his.

A smart plug isn't going to stop him being an inconsiderate arsehole. I'd set up the spare room as your own, get some ear plugs and leave him to it if you want to continue to be married to him, although I can't see how the person you describe could be reasonable during daylight hours, but that's your choice.

Cup of ice water to the face every time

This is abusive

For god’s sake have an honest conversation with him about how massively inconsiderate his drinking and sleep habits have become. Put the tv on a timer at the wall end that shuts it off at midnight. And tell him that drinking himself to sleep is horribly unattractive and makes you think that his retirement will be a disaster. Let him figure it out.

Would ye now.