DH wants to trim my hedge

[FridayNeverHesitate]

We live on a quiet country lane, with a field and a pond on the other side of the lane. Our house has a small front garden (three or four metres long) and a hornbeam hedge (which is about 160 cm tall) between us and the lane. Our kitchen looks out onto the front garden.

DH is keen to halve the height of the hedge, the better to enjoy the view of the field and the pond. I would like to keep it at its current height, partly because I think a taller hedge is better for wildlife, but also because I think it provides more privacy. DH isn't especially interested in wildlife, and argues that as it's a quiet road, we don't require privacy from the hedge. However, I WFH in the kitchen and I think there's quite a few passers-by. There is one house further down the lane, so they walk past; their cleaner passes our house; delivery drivers (they get a lot of deliveries). Then there's the postman, and quite a lot of random walkers and cyclists.

DH can enjoy the view from his study, which is above the kitchen and has a clear view of the field and pond. I want to enjoy privacy in the kitchen, which is effectively my study and where I spend most of my time. He claims it's a family room so he deserves a say in the view too, but in reality he spends very little time in the kitchen (only really making tea and eating supper).

Hmm, sharing the study wouldn’t necessarily work if either of them have confidential calls and I know if I had to share that space with my partner, it’d be the death-knell for our relationship. Either you’re in each other’s faces all day or you’re having to swap back and forth, and timetables and clean/messy desk styles are unlikely to align.

Not all jobs have offices to go to and their lives might be set up to WFH for a reason – cutting the commute can minimise childcare costs for instance. My job doesn’t have a physical HQ and if I had to commute somewhere, I’d have to pay out for breakfast club (which doesn’t actually exist).

Garden office – costs a bomb. Desk in the spare room – does OP have one, is there space in it? A desk in the bedroom – I did this during Covid and it’s absolute hell on your mental health, working and sleeping in the same room; would really truly counsel against this if there’s any other option, which there is. Dining room – does OP have one?! Very few people do.

Honestly, of your above alternatives, the kitchen is by far the best option. Simplest solution is leave the hedge alone and the person who doesn’t work, cook or look after the children in that room, or at least does so less than OP, should put up with the hedge. Especially given he can see the view all day long from his study!

I’m reporting you for entrapment with the thread title 😂 you’ll soon be hearing from my lawyers, my MP, the local branch of the WI (actually, maybe not them) and the police.

So if it's a 'family decision' why does that mean he gets his way over your preferences? Does his vote count double in family decisions?

There I was thinking it was going to be along the lines of ‘My husband wants to take me up the OXO Tower’…

Tell him that you will only consent to the hedge being clipped if you can employ the services of an experienced man - the sort of man with the ability to find a clematis in an overgrown bush. If you ask around, you might find that one or two of the ladies in your village already have an arrangement with such a useful person.

Well done on the clickbait title 👏
Your hedge? Don't you share your hedge with him? 😁

This is what is puzzling me too...

The kids have been banned from voting on the grounds that they're not old enough! So it's just me and DH, slugging it out.

No, he is actually a good husband in most ways, but can be a little thoughtless at times!

I'm starting to wonder if really he has no intention of cutting the hedge, but is suggesting it because he knows I'll refuse and therefore "win" this battle, and then he will suggest something else I won't like such as an artificial lawn next month, and when I object he'll say, "Well, you got your way over the hedge so now it's my turn"

Get proper advice some hedges die if you reduce the height too much.

We don't have a spare room or a dining room, and I definitely wouldn't be able to concentrate through his frequent Teams meetings if we shared the study. But really, the kitchen is my own - I do virtually all the cooking, meal planning, laundry, helping with DC's homework etc, all of which happen in the kitchen, so it's more convenient for everyone if I work here and then I can multi-task and empty the dishwasher while I'm waiting for a meeting to start, etc.

A ha! He might listen to that!

If you're worried about what people think when they look at your hedge you should look at this guide to making your entrance more welcoming.....

9 Front Garden Ideas To Make Your Entrance More Welcoming

It talks about showing off your clematis and also to consider topiary to keep your bush nice and neat, but only as others have advised to trim a bush around nesting season.

Why does he get a study and you get shared use of a family room.
Who made him god in your house

Yet you somehow mange to ..
It's all what he wants isn't it

He sounds like pushy bully ,not a nice man

OK so he's classed it as a family room. Your half of the (adult) family says No, but his 50% says Yes. However, you use the room 90% of the time so I think you should have the casting vote. Does he think having a penis gives him the right to overrule you?

Why did he choose to move to the country if he doesn't like hedges or tall grass? Not much of a nature lover is he?