DH wants to trim my hedge

[FridayNeverHesitate]

We live on a quiet country lane, with a field and a pond on the other side of the lane. Our house has a small front garden (three or four metres long) and a hornbeam hedge (which is about 160 cm tall) between us and the lane. Our kitchen looks out onto the front garden.

DH is keen to halve the height of the hedge, the better to enjoy the view of the field and the pond. I would like to keep it at its current height, partly because I think a taller hedge is better for wildlife, but also because I think it provides more privacy. DH isn't especially interested in wildlife, and argues that as it's a quiet road, we don't require privacy from the hedge. However, I WFH in the kitchen and I think there's quite a few passers-by. There is one house further down the lane, so they walk past; their cleaner passes our house; delivery drivers (they get a lot of deliveries). Then there's the postman, and quite a lot of random walkers and cyclists.

DH can enjoy the view from his study, which is above the kitchen and has a clear view of the field and pond. I want to enjoy privacy in the kitchen, which is effectively my study and where I spend most of my time. He claims it's a family room so he deserves a say in the view too, but in reality he spends very little time in the kitchen (only really making tea and eating supper).

I think a window of the size he'd want would probably cause permanent damage to the hedge. Thanks anyway though!

Too bad, he can use the study when you need the kitchen in the evening. But if he chops the hedge, then from 9am to 4pm or 5pm or whenever you clock off work, you will be in the study and he can enjoy his family room kitchen. Tell him that, very clearly, and suggest he work in the kitchen tomorrow to test it out and you will try out the study.

Yes, nesting birds is one of my concerns too!

Not really. There's just one window in the kitchen so I think it would have to be all or nothing.

And if you consider compromising on 20 or 30 cm, say we should do a day swap before then so I’ll have the study tomorrow. as if you accidentally go too far I’ll be taking the study. It’s natural consequences, if you fuck up my wfh environment then you will have to use it instead.

But then he still wouldn't be able to see the field and the pond!

Don't cut your hedge at this time of year. You may have birds nesting in it and cutting it back may mean dead babies and abandoned eggs. Depending on where you live and council regs, it could be illegal and it would certainly be anti-social.

Problem is with taking even 20cm off it, eyes will then be able to see in over it. That's why I wouldn't allow anymore than 10cm off it. But really, why do you need to compromise over this? You're the only one to be negatively impacted in the room you use the most by it being cut.

I don't, unfortunately This arrangement is not doing my waistline any favours.

I would present him with a bar chart of how much time you spend in the room each day versus him.

How would he feel if you put a screen up in his office so he couldn’t see his preferred view because you think it would be nicer.

They are quite noisy DC! I fear they would be heard on Teams even if they weren't actually seen. And I think he'd find all the activity too distracting to work through, so he really does have to have the study!

😄😄😄😄 you're the best 🙌

I was going to say this. It is illegal to trim hedges at this time of year - the rules and the dates are on the RSPB website. You can be fined heavily if anyone reports you.

If you decide to reduce the height don't let DH cut it, he'll never stick to any agreed height.

If you want to make sure no permanent damage is done to your hedge and that it stays nice and bushy (sorry couldn't resist)😂I'm afraid you will have to let a professional deal with it

😂sorry I can't stop giggling

It's only illegal if there are birds nesting in it. So it needs to be checked first. If they are not nesting in it, it can be trimmed.

ETA: Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981: Cutting hedges during the bird nesting season is prohibited without ensuring there are no active nests. Hedgerows Regulations 1997: Certain hedges are protected and may require permission for cutting.

I'm with your DH, I prefer not to be boxed in an a view would create a more open feeling. The postman and delivery drivers won't be remotely interested in you.

Yanbu but please at least insist that any trim should be done September onwards otherwise it will disturb nesting birds and often kills baby birds in the nest. Birds often fledge more than one clutch of eggs, so even if you think they're done early in the summer they may not be. As a professional gardener I would decline this work until then.

Agreed. Usually surprisingly difficult to identify nests until you're right on top of them though.

Well.. I thought this was about another type of hedge…

then the hedge stays. Job done!

When he spend 80% of his time in the room he gets a say, until then....no!

OP, why not strike a bargain with DH.

Give the hedge a trim in September and see how it goes. If you really do not like the foot traffic, you get to use DH's study during your WFH day. Then let the hedge grow to its old height and keep it there going forward.

If you like the new, lower height, well keep on trimming that hedge.

Finally, OP thanks for the funny title to start June on a happy note!

Op. No, he doesn’t. If he can’t work in the kitchen then he doesn’t fuck with the hedge. If he does fuck with the hedge, then too bad, the kitchen is now his workplace. Please swap for a day, to show him you’re quite serious and he does not get to spoil the kitchen for you. It is kind and generous of you to work in the kitchen, but you should not let him take you for granted.

Is there? Ooops!

He can't do anything until we're out of nesting season anyway.

Look where you stand legally . I thought hedge cutting / trimming is banned at this time of the year due to birds nesting .