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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH wants to trim my hedge

142 replies

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 21:15

We live on a quiet country lane, with a field and a pond on the other side of the lane. Our house has a small front garden (three or four metres long) and a hornbeam hedge (which is about 160 cm tall) between us and the lane. Our kitchen looks out onto the front garden.

DH is keen to halve the height of the hedge, the better to enjoy the view of the field and the pond. I would like to keep it at its current height, partly because I think a taller hedge is better for wildlife, but also because I think it provides more privacy. DH isn't especially interested in wildlife, and argues that as it's a quiet road, we don't require privacy from the hedge. However, I WFH in the kitchen and I think there's quite a few passers-by. There is one house further down the lane, so they walk past; their cleaner passes our house; delivery drivers (they get a lot of deliveries). Then there's the postman, and quite a lot of random walkers and cyclists.

DH can enjoy the view from his study, which is above the kitchen and has a clear view of the field and pond. I want to enjoy privacy in the kitchen, which is effectively my study and where I spend most of my time. He claims it's a family room so he deserves a say in the view too, but in reality he spends very little time in the kitchen (only really making tea and eating supper).

OP posts:
Aramox · 01/06/2025 22:42

How the hell do you work in the kitchen without snacking all day?

Tortielady · 01/06/2025 22:44

Tell your DH that if he wants a view through your foliage, he can work in the kitchen.

I love your title OP. My inner Muttley actually snickered 😆

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/06/2025 22:44

Also was going to suggest you swap rooms - so he takes the kitchen and you take the study.

Then he can cut down the hedge.

But also thought this was a thread about something else.

JayJayj · 01/06/2025 22:45

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 21:18

Yabu for the interesting title and less interesting thread! 😭

I agree! I thought it was going to be about a different hedge 🤣

NotjustCo2 · 01/06/2025 22:46

I assumed you’d gone all 70’s bush, but alas, no 😂

Har246 · 01/06/2025 22:47

Why not compromise? Instead of the full trim go for a Brazilian ? 😁

Fluffypussycat · 01/06/2025 22:47

I’m not sure when my hedge will next be trimmed. It’s up to the communal gardener.

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 22:50

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 21:18

Yabu for the interesting title and less interesting thread! 😭

Yes, I chose an arresting title deliberately! For traffic, you see

OP posts:
FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 22:51

NewLimeBird · 01/06/2025 21:18

Yanbu. Dh has some nerve taking a whole room for himself and deciding what he gets to do with the room you're left with!

When you say making tea, do you mean your evening meal or actual tea? Because if you're also doing the cooking he's really taking the piss.

I meant making a cup of tea, not the evening meal. I do nearly all the cooking.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 01/06/2025 22:54

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 21:18

Yabu for the interesting title and less interesting thread! 😭

Were you thinking what I thought?

AlteredStater · 01/06/2025 22:54

Ha I was wondering what the 'field' and the 'pond' were going to be! 😅

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 22:58

kary42 · 01/06/2025 21:20

Tell him he can cut the hedge if he is prepared to swap his study with you for the kitchen.

This is a good idea in theory but he works longer hours than I do, so in practice I'd end up making appearances in the background of his Teams calls while making the DC's dinner and supervising homework.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 01/06/2025 22:59

Yeah I was thinking...bush rather than hedge...I have a gutter mind!

I would suggest that you tell him you will happily halve the height of the hedge if he will swap. So you work in the study and he uses the kitchen. Does he WFH too, or just you? Because if its just you, then he is taking the piss times ten!

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/06/2025 22:59

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 22:58

This is a good idea in theory but he works longer hours than I do, so in practice I'd end up making appearances in the background of his Teams calls while making the DC's dinner and supervising homework.

Tough shit then isnt it?

If he wants his study then the hedge stays. He has a choice.

ETA....you wouldnt have to. He can alter his background so you and the kids are never seen. So no excuse if the hedge is a dealbreaker for him.

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 23:01

KarmenPQZ · 01/06/2025 21:23

Yes. I was here for a while different kind of thread!!

I mean it grows beck tho right. Can you cut it and see how you like it this year?

It's a mature hedge and the trees have quite sturdy trunks, so I fear that if we were to cut it and then let it grow back, it would be a thin and wispy affair, nothing like the substantial forest that I've got now.

OP posts:
ReturningDino · 01/06/2025 23:01

Have your bush how you like it, not up to your DH. Why not have a deal that you both trim your bushes?

EveryOtherNameTaken · 01/06/2025 23:02

'Our hedge' would have saved a lot of misunderstanding in the title 😂

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 23:02

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 22:50

Yes, I chose an arresting title deliberately! For traffic, you see

😄🙌

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/06/2025 23:03

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 23:01

It's a mature hedge and the trees have quite sturdy trunks, so I fear that if we were to cut it and then let it grow back, it would be a thin and wispy affair, nothing like the substantial forest that I've got now.

If he is including trees in this then he may be on a non starter anyway if they have TPO's. And if they dont then you can apply for them......just saying....

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 23:03

Grammarnut · 01/06/2025 22:54

Were you thinking what I thought?

My mind firmly went there 🤭

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 23:03

itsgettingweird · 01/06/2025 21:35

I’m glad I’m not the only one expecting a completely different AIBU 🫣😂

As for the actual hedge! Why does he have a study and you WFH from the kitchen?

But I think you’re right about privacy whilst you’re WFH.

Is there any compromise on knocking 30cm off?

Yes, perhaps a 30cm compromise is the way to go! Or perhaps I'll suggest for 20cm.

OP posts:
HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 01/06/2025 23:03

I actually thought you were talking euphemistically - regarding your DH's fantasy to to shave your downstairs furniture!! 😂

ForZanyAquaViewer · 01/06/2025 23:04

FridayNeverHesitate · 01/06/2025 23:01

It's a mature hedge and the trees have quite sturdy trunks, so I fear that if we were to cut it and then let it grow back, it would be a thin and wispy affair, nothing like the substantial forest that I've got now.

I fear that if we were to cut it and then let it grow back, it would be a thin and wispy affair, nothing like the substantial forest that I've got now.

I AM WEEPING! 🤣🤣🤣

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/06/2025 23:05

ForZanyAquaViewer · 01/06/2025 23:04

I fear that if we were to cut it and then let it grow back, it would be a thin and wispy affair, nothing like the substantial forest that I've got now.

I AM WEEPING! 🤣🤣🤣

Edited

I have to admit that if you replace "garden boundary hedge" with "pubic hair" it is very fucking funny!

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