To invite some children but not others to wedding?

[Toadstool101]

Inspired by other wedding posts on here today and having a panic.

We’re having a wedding of approx 100 guests and if we were to allow all children, there would be 36 (all below age 8) at a cost of £80 per child. I cannot fathom how we would provide entertainment for 36 children or maintain any sense of occasion different to a soft play. We have 10 children coming - our own, the children of family who have travelled from abroad, and bridesmaid’s children, who are good friends of our own children. There will also be about 4 babies under 1yo.

Are people going to come to the wedding and be potentially livid that we’ve cherry picked the children that could come? My fiancés cousin asked if their 3 children could come, and we politely explained that we’ve had to restrict due to the high numbers of children. But the threads today are making me worry that people on the day will judge harshly for this.

Are people going to come to the wedding and be potentially livid that we’ve cherry picked the children that could come?

Yes.

You’ve made a pragmatic decision
id understand why you’ve done it, but if people want to get cross about it, they will (and there’s nothing you can do)

Personally i would have all or none apart from your own! People will be pissed off that its one rule for one and another for others.

It would piss me off. But as mumsnet are fond of reminding us it is your weddings your choice. Just don’t moan if there are consequences.

Could always say to those that ask that it's a budget restraint.
If distant cousin wants to bring a bunch of kids you don't know, does he fancy stumping up £240 for the pleasure?

It’s your wedding you do you. £80 a child is ridiculous. Your rational for the ones you are inviting is clear and fair. But you are not going to please all the people all of the time. Think it was cheeky of finances cousin to even ask tbh.

Generally people won't be too upset if there's a clear and reasonable cut off, like children of immediate family or the bridal party are the only ones invited. If the rules aren't obvious then some people will be pissed off, and of course some people like to get angry about anything but you never would have pleased them anyway.

£80 per child wow - how on earth is it that much??

To answer you, yes people will be annoyed that they have to shell out for babysitters and others dont.

I think wedding party children and non mobile babies only is fine. So give them all a role and say that to everyone that asks.

Are people going to come to the wedding and be potentially livid that we’ve cherry picked the children that could come?

Yes. I was the only child invited to a family wedding in 1983 (we lived abroad due to my father's job) and one of my Uncles still has a moan about it every time we meet up with wider family.

Maybe they will be and presumably if they are livid they'll decline the invitation.

What kind of selfish guest assumes they have any input to who is invited to any wedding other than their own

I’m always amazed on these threads that anyone except immediate family expect their children to be invited to a wedding. Wouldn’t be normal at any of the weddings I’ve been to, to have every guests’ children there.

I thought this was the norm?? We only had children we were close with at the wedding (nieces/nephews, my best friends children, DHs godchildren)

I definitely wouldn’t want 36 random kids at my wedding. I also love getting invited to kid free weddings - adore my kids but idk how I’d entertain them at someone they’ve met twices wedding ?

Let them be pissed off . Narrow minded selfish people usually are . Not your problem .

Tell your cousin that you've had to restrict the kids attending due to cost to those from immediate family & party only. However, he is welcome to bring his children if he'd be willing to pay £80 per head.

This.

My friend had family children at her wedding but didn't invite friends children. I think that is completely understandable.

£80 for a child? Good grief! That’s an absolute rip-off.

But it doesn't matter... its your wedding. They got an invite, not a summons, they can choose to decline if they are that bothered.

Have the wedding you want, invite the kids you want, and if Sharon's 3 kids aren't invited then Sharon needs to accept that and either get a sitter to attend or not go.

Why though? 36 kids at a wedding would be chaos!

Good idea. Is this possible to implement, OP?

I wouldn’t be offended at all. I’m going to a wedding later this year where my six month old isn’t invited, but if children of the wedding party or those who’d travelled long distances were there, I’d understand. I think the only thing you have to do is keep it equitable between groups of people.

She asked if people would be annoyed. They will. No one’s thinking about what the total number of kids will be. They care about their own families.

True. But it is cherry picking.

We did this for our wedding, had nephews, nieces and children of wedding party and not others. Did some people moan? Yes. did I care? Absolutely not!