To invite some children but not others to wedding?

[Toadstool101]

Inspired by other wedding posts on here today and having a panic.

We’re having a wedding of approx 100 guests and if we were to allow all children, there would be 36 (all below age 8) at a cost of £80 per child. I cannot fathom how we would provide entertainment for 36 children or maintain any sense of occasion different to a soft play. We have 10 children coming - our own, the children of family who have travelled from abroad, and bridesmaid’s children, who are good friends of our own children. There will also be about 4 babies under 1yo.

Are people going to come to the wedding and be potentially livid that we’ve cherry picked the children that could come? My fiancés cousin asked if their 3 children could come, and we politely explained that we’ve had to restrict due to the high numbers of children. But the threads today are making me worry that people on the day will judge harshly for this.

Anyway, you've already made the decision, and I assume the invitations have gone out? Just go with it.

A solid reason would be it’s £80 per child and there are 36 of them? Of course no one is going to think it’s unreasonable for only family children and wedding party kids to be invited.

It wouldn’t annoy me, and I would understand if it was immediate family or wedding party.

However, as a general rule, we don’t attend weddings that our children aren’t welcome at. So, I wouldn’t be attending the wedding.

Take the lesson from Mumsnet: no matter what you do for your wedding someone will whine because it isn’t tailored to their exact specifications.

Shrug, say fuck it, and just let them get on with it.

TBH unless it was a sibling's wedding I'd much rather go without my children anyway!

I love going to weddings without my DS 🤣

If it was close family I'd be upset but when my kids were kids I was invited to weddings without them where close family children were there and it seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

With such an insanely huge number you are definitely not being unreasonable- it’d be like a zoo!!!!! (And I have 4 kids!)

Elope?

@Toadstool101

Maybe, but it's your wedding & your money (£80 per child is a LOT!!)

obviously your children are completely different!!

The others might be a little bit controversial (do the overseas ones not have family here who could have babysat?). I can see why you've invited the bridesmaids kids, but I think this will cause the most 'disharmony' but really people just need to accept that them getting a babysitter doesn't in any way compare to you paying £80 per child!! Though I doubt many of them would know/assume that's your venues rate as it's very high.

it might post to drop it into conversations before the big day that you'd have loved to have been able to invite everyone's children, but had to restrict it to a handful of necessary invites due to their being 36 children at £80 per head...

As a guest I would have totally understood the financial cost of 36 children (even at a much more reasonable price per child) AND the 'soft play' aspect! Even though I live big family weddings with kids!

I hope you have a fantastic day & try not to worry about this too much 😘

you can't control how people react but I think your cut off is fair

I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid. We’ve been invited to a wedding in July, we know they will have their own children there and their nieces and nephews, but our children are not invited. Same reason - numbers too high, cost implications. We’ve managed to get childcare organised but if we hadn’t, DP would have gone along on his own and I genuinely wouldn’t have been offended at all. It’s a lot of money!

They care about themselves*

I think it’s fine as long as it isn’t just a couple of families that are being singled out. Unless you’re going to say your bridesmaids have 20 kids between them!
One of DH friends got married a couple of years ago, was a destination wedding (although still in the UK). Invite came through stating no children. Fine, we understood, we booked an airBnB for the week and invited my parents to come and they looked after our kids on the day.
Get to the wedding and it was ridiculous. We expected family children only. No, turned out there were 20-30 kids there. Turned out every guest that asked to bring their kids were allowed. I think it turned out there were 4 families (including us) who didn’t have our kids. It pissed me right off - DH was an usher so it’s not as though we were random guests.

It’s your wedding, it’s up to you who to invite. I think you have done the right thing and agree that 36 kids would be chaos.

Invite who you want at your wedding. If it offends some ppl, that’s their issue.

We had to pick and choose... I wanted no children but hubby had a young neice and nephew and wanted them there. My bridesmaids kids weren't invited but they had a drama the night before which meant they had to come too. I felt awful after we had said no kids originally but what can you do. Our vows on our wedding video are drowned out by my nephew shouting and screaming clappa clappa handies... I know what i would have preferred. Don't ever feel guilty for your decisions

I'm going to my cousin's wedding next weekend and my kids aren't invited but others are. I'm not at all offended or annoyed about it, I understand they have a budget to stick too. I think nieces and nephews should be invited though. Have you missed family children out though and having bridesmaids children (assuming BM isn't family). That part seems a bit off.

I would understand completely and not care at all if my dc were not invited. I really can't understand people who are funny about it, given the costs.

Only a complete cheeky fxxker thinks their children are ENTITLED to go to any wedding.

Sure it might suit people for their children to be invited, but to expect it? Absolutely not.

36 children sounds like a very expensive creche day.
Do not apologise.
At £80 a head you are talking nearly £3k for a large group of children to attend your day?

Absolutely not.
Stiffen your back and don't entertain it for a minute.

Your guests will be p*55ed off at you favouring other children (obviously not your own).

It may be a hot topic of conversation at your wedding and you may find people aren’t as close with you moving forward.

I think you don't need to invite everyone's kids but being too strict about 'no children' means some people you might really want there would have to refuse. So I think what you've done seems sensible.

With your DH's cousin you'll have to think about how close they are and would you rather pay for the kids or not have them there. We had only family children so DN, plus the children of some close cousins who wouldn't have come otherwise. But I have a small number of cousins and DH has so many none were invited. We've been married a long time though and for our silver wedding anniversary we have invited children but it's more informal and at home so we can be flexible.

Why did no-one stop your nephew? That's shockingly bad parenting. I've been to many weddings with young children and haven't ever seen the vows get ruined. I can't believe they were so stupid and selfish.

As long as youve not put on your invite…. “Whilst we LOVE your children, we want you guys to let your hair down and be free for the night….” You excluding my kids is all good with me x

There will be trouble ahead!