To invite some children but not others to wedding?

[Toadstool101]

Inspired by other wedding posts on here today and having a panic.

We’re having a wedding of approx 100 guests and if we were to allow all children, there would be 36 (all below age 8) at a cost of £80 per child. I cannot fathom how we would provide entertainment for 36 children or maintain any sense of occasion different to a soft play. We have 10 children coming - our own, the children of family who have travelled from abroad, and bridesmaid’s children, who are good friends of our own children. There will also be about 4 babies under 1yo.

Are people going to come to the wedding and be potentially livid that we’ve cherry picked the children that could come? My fiancés cousin asked if their 3 children could come, and we politely explained that we’ve had to restrict due to the high numbers of children. But the threads today are making me worry that people on the day will judge harshly for this.

This! Are they eating swan and gold dusted ice cream?

We allowed younger siblings (mine were teens when we got married) and babies in arms, but no other children. DH and I come from big families (mix of Jewish and Catholic) and we just couldn't afford it if every single relative brought their whole brood. We also didn't want a huge, overwhelming big do in a big venue, we couldn't afford kids' entertainment, etc. Definitely not Insta wedding reasons, Instagram didn't even exist when we got married.

Were some people pissy? Yes.

Did some people refuse to come? Yes.

Did we miss them on the day? No.

Did they get over it eventually? Yes.

Just say no children at the wedding. You can't choose some over others. Understand if some guests can't come due to childcare. Weddings are expensive and £80 per child is alot!

This.

I think livid is a big word and hopefully your friends and family aren’t that dramatic.

I do think it would be better to have a clear answer to who was allowed and who wasn’t though. Can the abroad family be an usher or something so you can say ‘all the bridal party and babies’ just to keep it simple?

I've been to a few weddings recently like this - people getting married in late 30s/early 40s so the number of friends kids is huge. I am very happy to leave my kids and have fun, and a wedding with 40 children would be madness and shit for the adults. The reasons you have given sound absolutely fine. Anyone who moans is bonkers.

Why is it always cousins who cause problems with wedding invites? At my wedding not many of my friends had kids yet (and it was in a pub so not child friendly). We had babes in arms and my nephews. The only person who kicked off about it was my cousin, who really was only invited to appease my dad, and it was just a firm "no". Their babysitting options are my aunt and uncle really so I get it, but he came without his wife who I've met about 3 times so brutally, I didn't care.

People are mad about wedding guest lists. My sole criteria for replying to invites is, given the cost, expense, people etc, do I want to go. It's almost always yes and so I go! If babysitting was impossible for some reason I would politely decline and explain why.

We had this at our wedding! It would have been 28 children under 8 years old (with 65 adults) for us, and our wedding was on a tight budget in a village hall, with no separate space for kids, so it would have been chaos. We said no kids except babies. People were definitely annoyed tbh and whinged about it a lot, and several of my DH’s cousins didn’t come because of it, but ten years later and most people are over it and I have zero regrets! Personally I’m always happy to leave my three kids at home for a wedding or just not go if that’s difficult, I really don’t understand why people get so annoyed about it. Seems selfish to me.

Will your fiancé’s child be invited?! @Endoftheroad12345

People are bound to be annoyed because organising a wedding is a nightmare and people are bound to find something to kick off over.

We had a child free wedding largely because I got married at 25 and no one in my friendship group or family had kids at that point so there were no close children to consider. 3 of my dad’s cousins (who frankly were only invited to keep my grandma company) kicked off that their children weren’t invited. This would have added another 10 people, I’d never met these children and they were all older than me so hardly in the ‘needing babysitting’ territory. As it was, it just gave us something to laugh about the astonishing sense of entitlement.

@helphelpimbeingrepressed
I wouldn't class those people as children. My Granny would describe them as far out relations.
Although they are 2nd generation cousins, and few people would invite 2nd generation cousins to their wedding unless it was a particularly close family.

How hard is it to understand 'family and bridal party kids only'?!

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I’m perfectly happy to go to weddings without my dc - and without dh if necessary, come to that! The sort of people who say “I don’t go to weddings where my kids aren’t welcome” are quite frankly best swerved anyway. Have a lovely day.