To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

[MonTuesWeds]

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

I always think dommes must be incomprehensible to many on MN, especially PIV being held up as the only 'expression of love'

Again - sex is not just about love and affection. But the fact you keep going on about that is obvious as to your agenda

No, 40 years ago women might not have been so open about their kinks online. Not because they didn't have them but because the shame was even greater and they felt they couldn't.

Saying they "believe" they like it is also ridiculous. It's taking away autonomy and making out these women can't make up their own mind

The Story of O and The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty are both much older than 40 years and were deeply kinky erotic novels written by women, for women.

There is a growing concern, and practioners of kink will readily acknowledge it, of people using the label "kink" as a front for actual and disgusting sexual abuse. But these aren't people with a kink, they are abusers. Different.

Which is why, instead of shaming and shutting down discussions of kink, calling people with kinks all kinds of names and making accusations about them, we need to be able to talk more freely. So we can educated on safe practices, on what is and isn't a kink, on continual consent

By making these things shameful it's MORE harmful.

Or you realise there's a very good point behind it

Society DOES have acceptable ways that are considered acceptable to hurt each other. Sometimes those ways cause ongoing and long term harm. But we don't label those people with names and make aspersions on their character

Just before you continue to quote ... this PP was being sarcastic to make a point

They couldn't possibly accept that a woman could hurt a man

They only talk about men hurting women

Can't even comprehend that sex isn't even always about lobe gasp

AGP, Autogynaphilia, affects men especially those who like wearing dresses etc. it’s a deeply disturbing fetish, they like to “feel” like a woman being sexually degraded eg sexually abused,exploited,raped. Provides them with deep sexual gratification. That’s men for you, luckily not all men, but the large majority have sexual fetish, porn a massive influence, and of course they just have to indulge their need to be sexually excited, poor loves, maybe NHS start prescribing Bromide to all males from birth might be a good remedy 😝

That does sound fun! 🤭

😆 🤣

Not in my view.

I agree. It wasn’t obvious at all and I think she’s trying to dig herself out of her judgemental hole 😂

Surely even if consensual you feel some kinks are ‘creepy’ @HuffleMyPuffle?

Say a man likes his partner to pretend to be a little girl or baby while he has sex with her, or pretends to be her dad while he has sex with her, and she consents. Do you really not find that creepy?

I feel like because you want to defend the kink community in general, you’re disregarding examples that are very troubling.

I would suspect any adult engaging in DDlg type activities of paedophilia. Obviously problematic

Roleplaying incest (though definitely not for me, or for most people) is pretty harmless.

Sorry to be clear I meant pretending to be the dad of the little girl / baby character in that scenario. I can’t get my head around anyone saying that isn’t creepy but @HuffleMyPuffleseems to think that as long as it is consensual it can’t be described as creepy.

😆 🤣

Agreed. Men who get off on violating women will bring that into the rest of life. Same with those who think of women as objects or like hurting women. Sex is a part of us. Kinks and perversions are part of your brain and you cannot leave your brain out of the rest of your life.

She's even said and it was pretty obvious to me

As I say, in thrall to [your] kink.

Why is the man creepy but not the woman?

Calling someone Daddy isn't asking them to pretend you're literally their dad btw

DD/lg (or DM/lg or DM/lb or DD/lb because it isn't specifically just men wanting women to be babies) relationships often go far beyond just sexual and (since this is the standard we apparently judge by) are often very, very deeply caring relationships of mutual trust, consent and affection

It's not pedophilia and it's disingenuous to make those assumptions about ADULTS doing something

As I say, close minded and pick and chose what counts as acceptable "harm"

Several people on here seem to think that consent is a simple, unproblematic thing. But people consent to things that they don’t really want, or things that are not in their best interests all the time! And sometimes they don’t even know they don’t really want it. They consent because it’s difficult to say no, because it seems normal as everyone around them appears to be doing it (or social media gives that impression) or because they want to be a ‘cool girl’.

We all consent to things every day that we aren’t really fully on board with. Tasks at work, wife-work, things to keep our family and friends on board and to maintain a quiet life. Women used to routinely consent to ‘obey’ their husbands on marriage. Someone consenting to something is not the ultimate sign that it’s fine. The ultimate decider should be whether something is right or wrong. Choking someone or hitting them is wrong. That’s it really. I am not at all persuaded that having lots of consenting rules around violence in a relationship makes it ok. Insisting that you talk about it, you have safe words etc etc is like a perfume spray to cover a bad smell. The smell is still there.

And to answer the OP. Yes, of course what you do in the bedroom reflects your broader character. We are what we do. Whether that is at a work meeting, a family meal, at the pub or in the bedroom. That principle is what is meant by integrity. Being a whole person whose character and personality is congruent with their actions. We should all strive to have integrity. It’s the secret and key to good mental health and happiness.

How can you pretend someone is a child and have sex with them, though?

So what does it say about a person if they enjoy anal and /or oral? Because OP has an issue with these things too (as well as swinging, threesomes).

What about women who act out being lesbians for sad men, who have never grown up? I'm not talking about trafficked sex workers. I'm referring to porn 'stars' who aren't gay but will go down on another woman because it pays well. Are you attributing some behaviour to them or is it just men who get the scrutiny? What does that say about those women in their every day behaviour? Can they just act out fantasies for men and leave that in the bedroom studio? i know i couldn't perform oral on another woman for any amount of money. This isnt a gay bashing post before that one gets thrown out.

The whole thing about consent and safe words is that the other person stops whatever they’re doing if they don’t like it or aren’t okay (or just need to pause the scene for whatever reason.) Just like if someone didn’t want to participate in an aspect of a kink and expressed to their partner they don’t want that, and their partner doesn’t do it.

I also think it’s silly to assume people participating in kink don’t actually know what they want or how to do it safely.