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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 31/05/2025 08:56

I voted YANBU.

However I sit in the back of km travelling with my dad driving and my ds.

Mainly because ds is taller and also has a physical disability so the space is better for him. Also my dad has an suv/mpv type car so back is ok for me too (I’m 5”7).

But also they can chat and I can idly scroll my phone in peace 😂😂😂

But I voted Yanbu because I do t think it’s something that should be forced on an adult. It’s something an adult should decide for themselves.

Koolforkats · 31/05/2025 08:56

I used to not be bothered and DS sometes sat in front with DH. Then it got to be an expectation. I ended it when we drove past friends and I saw how it looked. There’s no way DH would sit in the back if i was driving. It felt like a women and girls in the back, boys up front. Ive now reverted to “adults in the front” only.

Alltheprettyseahorses · 31/05/2025 08:56

I know I'll be totally out of step with this but whatever:

Is the front seat a prize or something? I rarely go in a car but it would never cross my mind to fuss about being in the front seat or have a problem with DC sitting there, the front seat means literally nothing to me and I don't get the problem. The back is fine, especially if there's a child to sit next to. That's something else I don't understand, why a non-driving parent sits next to the adult driver leaving the child or even little baby on their own behind them. I always find it nicer to spend all the time I can with mine, I enjoy their company!

1apenny2apenny · 31/05/2025 08:57

I always sit in the front despite both my DCs being taller than me and over 18. If one of them got very car sick I would let them sit in the front.

It’s not your DHs place to tell you where to sit, I assume you wouldn’t tell him (and assume also that it wouldn’t cross his mind to sit in the back). It’s nothing to do with who is taller either.

I also perceive that it is often boys/young men that expect to sit in the front and it is dressed up as they should because they are taller when infact it’s just male entitlement. But may be overthinking. It just feels another ‘women know your place’ scenario.

PrincessScarlett · 31/05/2025 08:58

We all take turns in the front. I've sat in the back and so has DH. My kids love sitting in the front when they are allowed.

In a healthy family dynamic the seating arrangements in a car are not a problem at all.

OP, are you being forced to sit in the back every single time? I can see this would be a problem, a way of your DH putting you in your place.

feebeecat · 31/05/2025 08:58

I get carsick so always sit in the front. Never been an issue with our dc.

Many years ago, when out with dh’s somewhat spoilt niece, she had an absolute tantrum about having to sit in the back “why should she have to do that??”. She was about 9 at the time. Dh told me to hurry up and hop in, so I proposed if it was that important, HE go in the back and I’ll drive. Obviously she ended up sulking in the back and we all went happily driving off. Sort of.

2chocolateoranges · 31/05/2025 09:00

children always in the back if both parents are in the car.

im not sure why any child would think they have priority over their parent in the front.

we have adult children who still live at home and both automatically still go to sit in the back if we are all in the car. All these years later and they actually both still sit on the same sides that their car seats were on! 😂

BabyDoge · 31/05/2025 09:00

Our DC sit in the back but only because that's where their car seats fit. Once they're older it's not something I could get worked up about. I genuinely don't understand how sitting in the front is a marker of status or respect, we're all going to the same place.

Createausername1970 · 31/05/2025 09:03

When DS was a child he was in the back, unless it was a treat to sit in the front.

Now DS is an adult and bigger than me, it varies. DH rarely sits in the back as his arthritis means it's easier for him to get in and out of the front.

I actually don't mind the back on longer journeys. I put my head phones on, listen to what I want to, and doze. In the front I feel more obligated to communicate with DH and navigate.

BaronessBomburst · 31/05/2025 09:03

DS has been sitting in the front since he was about 12. He would get bored and car sick in the back on long journeys. He's a good navigator and is now taller than me anyway.
I quite like sitting in the back. I have access to the food and can doze or listen to music.
Sometimes we swap, and sometimes I drive and DH ends up in the back.
It's a total non issue.

Ultravox · 31/05/2025 09:04

2 of my DSs are 6ft 3 and I am only 5ft 3 so sometimes I sit in the back seat if we’re doing a long journey as it’s more comfortable for them.

Lauz841 · 31/05/2025 09:04

I let my 11 year old sit in the front sometimes. It means his dad can listen to his constant chatter and I can have some peace to faff on my phone! 😂

CloudyPortal · 31/05/2025 09:07

Only if you're talking about a 6ft teen squished in for a long journey while a 5 ft 2 mum is in the front, or car sickness.

FamBae · 31/05/2025 09:07

It's a respect thing at the end of the day, isnt it? though I do make an exception for my DGS who is a child with Down Syndrome as he loves being up front with Granddad equally he loves being in the far back of our 7 seater all to himself. 😊
I think it gives the wrong signals re importance especially if your child is picking up that you not happy about it.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 31/05/2025 09:09

Mightyhike · 31/05/2025 08:04

Does DH ever sit in the back?

Quite! Offer to drive and he can sit in the back - win-win

arcticpandas · 31/05/2025 09:09

DS2 12 y old loves sitting in front so I let him when we're not going far away. My DH is contrary to yours @Threedoa because he's not happy with it- he thinks I should be in front and that I'm pandering to DS2. If my son would be entitled and claim his place I wouldn't let him, but since he's very sweet and always thinks about other people I regularly propose it to him (he never asks and always says thank you).
But I don't really care where I sit. And your DH should not insist on you giving up your place!

Pollyanna87 · 31/05/2025 09:09

Remember when sitting in the back was more desirable for those at the top of the ‘hierarchy’?

If DC are travel sick, they should have their desired seat. Travel sickness is hellish.

TaggieO · 31/05/2025 09:10

Tallest person goes in the front. Is that not just common sense?

diddl · 31/05/2025 09:11

Why do you think that you should always sit in the front & why does your husband disagree?

Weclomehome · 31/05/2025 09:14

100% adults in front most of the time unless there's a reason and the adult passenger agrees. For example when my DD was born she hated the car until she was about 2. I would sit in the back with her to keep her settled and so one of my DSC would often sit in the front seat but once she was happy in the car no question about it, I would sit in the front.

johnd2 · 31/05/2025 09:14

Just think of the hierarchy! Everyone knows that the most important people sit in the front and the little scabs sit in the back. Don't lower yourself to sitting on the back!
On a serious note, move somewhere with good buses and trains and you can all sit in the back and be equal. But don't sit at a train table as then someone will have to be facing backwards!

Doitrightnow · 31/05/2025 09:17

I default to adults in the front through habit but if there's car sickness, or I'm getting out of the car first and they are continuing, or something like that then I don't care if I'm in the back.

When I was engaged to my ex-Fi, there was a time I clearly remember when he, his Mum and I were all going somewhere in my Fi's car. He'd been staying at his Mum's over Christmas for nearly 10 days and I hadn't seen him. His Mum literally RAN to the car to stake her claim to the front seat and it pissed me off so much. It wasn't about the car seat, it was just one of many things she did to demonstrate that she was still first in her son's life. It can definitely be a power play, which with adult children I think is rather pathetic.

Interested in the etiquette of seat position if you are the parent but you're in a car with your adult child and their spouse!

Zezet · 31/05/2025 09:17

Does HE take turns in the back?

ChristmasFluff · 31/05/2025 09:17

From age about age 11 I used to sit in the front for holiday journeys, as my mum couldn't map read, and me and my sister being loud and playing stupid games in the back used to distract my dad (mum couldn't drive).

So there may be reasons.

Emeraldiisland · 31/05/2025 09:22

Never occurred to me to sit in the back. I did that for too many years growing up. If DH or I aren't in the car then the teenagers take turns sitting in the front.
I get carsick in the back.