Should son and girlfriend be pooling money

[HeartyLimeLurker]

HeartyLimeLurker · Today 06:15

I have a dilemma regarding my 18 year old son. Him and his girlfriend have been together 3 years son lives at home and she lives at home with her mum.
Son has a good job earning £1900 PM and she works part time earning half that.
Lately they have been saving to get their own place and pooling all their money together saving £1000 PM then using the rest to pay all their bills. I think this is unfair on my son as his only bill's come to £310 per month and he never has anything to show for working. He doesn't buy himself things or go out. She however pays for her mum's internet and sky aswell as a contract phone for her little sister and is always ordering takeaway and getting her hair/nails/ eyelashes done and going on sunbeds.
Am I being unreasonable thinking they should keep finances separate and just put what they can afford to save away?

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The girlfriend and the mother taking the piss frankly. Where is this pooled money being shared? A joint bank account? That’s a hard no.

If that's what they want to do, that's what they want to do. Your son sounds great for being so willing to support her, that's kind of a green flag in a guy you're wanting to have a long term relationship with.

It's strange you have an issue with this, when it's a choice your son has made and so is what he wants to do. Are you jealous?

Your DS needs to open his own help to Buy ISA as does his GF. They need to be separate. That way, they can each save as much as they want but it’s kept in their own individual accounts. Both will benefit from the extra bonus payments.

The girlfriend needs to work full time. She’s taking advantage of him & if he ends up buying a place with her & having children then it’s likely he will end up paying everything. Where is the father of his girlfriend? It sounds like it’s just girlfriend, Mum & her sister.
I’m however impressed by that salary at 18! If anything he should be paying towards your bills. I don’t know what you can do about it as he must love her?

Well the gender pay gap means that women usually do earn less than men so I think yabu if you expect his partners in life to always equal his earnings.

However, I'll it would be prudent of him to push some of his earnings into savings, even if it's just £50.

I'd also want to know why she is only working part time.

I meant to add, when they do buy their house they should buy it as tenants in common in the ratio of who’s paid what deposit amount. So if he’s saved £50k and she’s saved £10k, of a £60k deposit, his share as TIC will be 83% and hers will be 17%. That way, if they split up, he will get 83% of the equity back.

Individual savings accounts, individually responsible for their bills, and when they buy somewhere a legal document drawn up which states who owns what share, and who gets what if they split.
DS will only lose out if it goes wrong. There’s zero upside for him.

Agree with other posters. They’re very young and most relationships at this age don’t last.
As you say though he’s lucky to be earning well and it’s not unusual for such young people to struggle to find something full time.

My son is 21 and has been with his GF for three years. He earns extremely well as he got a good job after an apprenticeship and she’s at university so he does pay for a lot. Seems fine as he loves her and wants to treat her and she’s a lovely person. His savings are in his own name though!

I agree with you OP. She's taking the piss.

I would be very concerned about this.

Your son is only 18 and he's been in this relationship already for 3 years. He has hardly had any chance to live life and enjoy himself and widen his horizons. Yet he is saving the majority of his earnings and subsidising his girlfriend and her mother.

I know he is an adult now and can make his own decisions but I would do every thing I could to talk to him about living his life a bit and enjoying it before tying himself up with this girlfriend.

My son is 19 and also on the same money. You need to realise he is in a small percentile of teenagers earning this. My son’s gf works two jobs and isn’t on as much as my son. They are also saving to buy a house. Have a chat with him if you have that relationship and ask if he’s happy. My son’s very adamant he’s going to buy a home and be in a position he’s going to look after his wife and kids when he marries and has children. Just ask him if he’s happy with the current situation and if he’s not just have a chat about other options 🥰. All me and his dad have advised is whilst it’s lovely he’s doing this all savings should remain in his own name as they are still very young and anything could happen. He and gf were both fine with this. They set out a budget of what they both could put in and other commitments they have and are both saving what they can, sons is just more as he is earning more. If they are still together in 3 years and in a position to buy then happy days, if not he still has his own pot going x

He's far too young to be saving all his money. He needs to live a little. And his gf sounds like a cf, why can't she work full time too?

Keep the conversations about money open with your son, this may be part of his learning curve about saving, fairness and relationships.
It sounds like he is saving and she is spending. He needs to see it on a spreadsheet.
Reflect back to him in conversation without being obvious until the penny drops.

You could sort out a financial advisor to have a consultation with him. It might land better than mum.

At 18 he’s far too young to be financially responsible for another adult and her family.
i don’t think you’re being unreasonable but I don’t think he will listen to you. Tread carefully and keep communication lines open with him.

Hmm... no absolutely not, I'd want more for my son.

I'd want him to find a more equal partner rather than someone he's got to support. Times have moved on... there's no reason she should be working part time long term. They aren't parents!

Ridiculous comment. OP, your son's girlfriend is taking the piss.
If her mum wants Sky TV, she should bloody pay for it!
Absolutely no way should they be pooling their money, when there's such an imbalance. I hope they don't have a joint account. Why does the GF not work full time?

I'm with you op...she is not his dependant and they do not have dependents together. He also works full time and she works part time so I would be suggesting to him that he rethink this and consider them keeping finances separate and splitting the bills 50/50...if she can't afford that she either needs ro rethink moving in together or upping her hours at work/taking a second job

I massively regret not being more financially savvy when I was younger and I would be trying to encourage him to pay his bills, have "fun" money and then saving some.

I would be discouraging financially supporting a partner at 18 years old unless they have shared children, which they don't

Bear in mind that the gender pay gap only starts once people start having children. Why is the girlfriend only working part time and spending above her income?

Great that your son is thinking about being supportive but why is the support required?

Your son sounds lovely but I do think it’s unfair. Let’s be realistic, you rarely end up with your first serious bf/gf and there is a strong chance they may not go the distance. Unless it’s documented, if they split it will be 50/50. I do recommend them taking out a lifetime isa, the government put in 25% of what you save. I think there is a maximum of £4,000 per year you can put in.

Or is it a red flag that the GF is happy to take advantage of the DS?

After they own a house together it might be a bit different. But whilst living apart it is fairer to save separately. The DS needs to protect his share of the deposit.

Your son sounds lovely but hasn't thought things through. Because she's getting more money than her part-time job warrants, and she's getting all the things she wants from it, she has absolutely no incentive to work harder. He isn't getting any benefit from working full time.

They should be saving separately at their age. Both could benefit from a help to buy ISA.

There is nothing you can do. We can look back and see how much we change as we get older so know the relationship might not last. But I am guessing he will.not hear that.

Having said that 2 of my DDs married boys they met at 16 and are very happy.