Loud parenting in public spaces

[76born]

AIBU to say that even as a parent of two, I find loud parenting and following this, loud children really bloody annoying.
Two examples this week which have had me furious 😡 (I’m obviously bored and need to get a life)
Example one, sat in a cafe now enjoying a cup of tea whilst my two build Lego (it’s a Lego cafe) and one parent is commenting on her child’s building skills, eg “oh wow Timothy, great building of a really high tower Timothy, look jacasta, look how high Timothy’s tower is” (names changed). Now dad joins in. His I’m really mean..
Example two, walking home from school last week when a young g child of about two being pushed in a pushchair mumbled and pointed at something. Mum, in the loudest, poshest voice ever, “yes darling, that black Range Rover is like the one found at grampy’s house”.
i am perimenopause, I get the rage at minor things and just would enjoy your thoughts and of course, examples, to add to this thread.
I thank you

Lots of people deliberately misunderstanding the op and what performance parenting is. Trust me it’s real. Visit any cafe in Richmond or similar areas you will hear many examples.

@MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble Now I’ve come across many a loud show off in my time and many an exhaustingly perfect parent (they often like to eulogise about the fact that their child is now 8 and has yet to be subjected to the horrors of refined sugar).

This IS an example! Just imagine that said "perfect parent" is eulogising/exclaiming to their own child, loudly in public "Oh no darling, we don't eat refined sugar, do we. So bad for you. Here, have a lovely plain rice cake and a carrot, so much better." That's performance parenting.

It really, really is not engaged, active parents chatting away to children, praising them, identifying successes, encouraging interests etc.

My instinct would have been that she was joking?

Someone bought my son a book called Quantum Physics for Babies, and he loves it because we do silly voices for the protons and electrons, and jump up and down, and he gets a big round of applause at the end for being a Quantum Physics.

I can imagine us making a silly joke about it in public, much like this.

(His favourite TV show is Ice Road Truckers, for balance)

Meh, if your children are very young I think you sometimes have to resort to that kind of thing to capture their attention/get some sort of interaction going. I remember taking toddler DD to some gardens near us around the time she was obsessed with naming different flowers and colours but too young for proper conversation. I said "oh look - some purple daisies - aren't they pretty!" or something like that, and a woman on a bench next to us snickered to her partner: "sorry but as if she gives a shit". I'm not really sure what else you're meant to do at that age - walk around in silence?

That’s not performance parenting though is it? They don’t even know if you are in the house or can hear them

It’s done by super competitive parents who are ambitious in every part of their lives, and see parenting as another competition. It’s purely to impress others and show how perfect they are.

You don’t talk to your kids from a very young age = they will be delayed in speech and never communicate their needs

you talk to them too much = you are obnoxious

you don’t encourage their interests even if they are bonkers = you are neglectful and don’t let them be themselves

you encourage them with things they like = you are pushy because they couldn’t possible love that!

My eldest loved Greek Legends when he was 3/4 (started off by watching Hercules and reading a book for kids about Medusa someone bought him) and we used to regularly go to museums and chat about his favourite, Perseus. People probably thought why tf are they bringing a 3yo in here but why would we go otherwise? I can’t imagine anything worse than trying to publicly engage a preschooler in anything they didn’t want to do. And actually, not their business.

I don't think this is an obvious example of performance parenting. If you're at a Lego cafe with your child it seems pretty normal and appropriate to compliment or comment on something they build, rather than ignoring them and judging others for interacting with their kids. If my child made a massive Lego tower I would probably say 'wow big tower!' in my own living room. Similarly, if a child recognises and asks a question about a cat they see, it would be pretty weird for the parent to ignore it and not answer.

My instinct would have been that she was joking?

Sadly she wasn't.

She's visited on more than a few occasions and she and her husband are never any different.

@fungibletoken I think that's different though, if she was interested in flowers. That woman sounded really rude!

When the person watching you says it does apparently.🤷‍♀️

Always with children who have names you would never consider for any child of your own.

I think it's actually when you have the audacity to parent while having an RP accent?

Maybe the rest of us just don’t judge others, or even notice?

Yesterday, we were walking down a very posh street in Marleybone and a dad was walking with a toddler DD. Dad was wearing the trademark middle class salmon shorts. They were looking at window displays at home furniture shops and the dad was talking to the toddler about…..wait for it….feng shui! 😂😂

And have chosen names you like which others think are too posh?

As a nursery school manager you should do better.

Have you read some of the comments and attacks people are making here on engaged parents? Someone had to audacity while playing cafes in a nearly deserted playground to ask her daughter for some kale soup (apparently it should have been ice cream) that so infuriated another mother that she then texted her group of Mum friends to tell them what an awful mother this woman was - for mentioning kale. And this was apparently 5 years ago. So they really held on to the rage this kale liking mum caused.
Another was enraged by a father trying to interest his child in ducks when he should have left him to trying to eat a stone.
If you want to call me offensive and attacking for calling out these people for being rather pathetic and mean spirited, I don’t particularly mind.

Still no excuse to say ‘yummy croissant’ though 🤢 🤣

Are you depressed OP? Happy people don’t typically respond like that to people just going about their business trying to be kind and supportive to their kids.

If you’re feeling low, hence the bitterness, you may find it better to seek some support yourself. A bitter life isn’t a good life.

Lol you have literally no way of knowing whether it’s just “fake public role-playing” on every occasion.

I have a loud, accented voice (not RP) and not the best hearing. I am sure people think I “performance parent” all the time. I don’t care. I expend all my energy trying to keep many balls in the air and raise well-rounded individuals. I can assure you that many of those who people class as “performance parents” don’t even notice you watching and listening (and judging).

I have definitely performance parented. When my son was learning to speak he loved to point and trucks and say “truck” except his speech wasn’t clear and he swapped the “tr” sound for and “f”. I went around for two weeks loudly proclaiming “well done! It is a truck!” So people didn’t think I’d taught my kid to cuss at random strangers. 🤣

So fucking what?! He was having a private conversation with his child.

Honestly this whole thread just makes me depressed because it highlights how grossly intolerant we are of parents and children. And then we wonder why our young people are growing up to be antisocial, unable to tolerate stress and performing poorly academically.....

This thread makes me depressed about people’s comprehension skills.

I dislike noisy people of all ages. I dislike them all equally.