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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?

647 replies

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 29/05/2025 21:59

What the actual fuck have I just read?

SabreIsMyFave · 29/05/2025 21:59

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 29/05/2025 21:57

So when her husband is not there is she supposed to stay home and do nothing?
How are dare this slag of a woman go out and also get dressed up. What a massive hoe. Doesn’t she know she should be at home alone waiting for the return of her dear husband, constantly pining for him, while sewing buttons onto his freshly pressed shirts, humming and being so so grateful that she has a man to be a slave to?

leave her too it. May she is maybe she isn’t. If she’s doing it on her doorstep the truth will find its way out

Roe V Wade Handmaids GIF by GIPHY News

Yep. This. ^ 😆

marylou25 · 29/05/2025 21:59

lol, I thought you had at least caught them in the act and even with that level of 'evidence' I'd still mind my own business! Your 'evidence' is very flimsy.

363838dhdi · 29/05/2025 22:00

Omg you ghoul stay out of it. You have no idea what's going on.

PrettyPuss · 29/05/2025 22:00

I wouldn’t ‘report’ back to her husband, no.

ilovepixie · 29/05/2025 22:01

This can’t be real. Words fail me. Get a life you nosy twat!

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

OP posts:
SabreIsMyFave · 29/05/2025 22:01

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

OMG. 😂

ReadingSoManyThreads · 29/05/2025 22:02

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 21:03

I don’t think she’s a sex worker somehow, but the nice car picking her up and being all dressed up midweek means I can see why you’d suggest it. I don’t know why the car would linger for so long though.

Oh my fucking god, a woman being dressed up MIDWEEK? How DARE she!

You don't know why a car would linger for so long? Because many people like to have a chat in the car before they get out when getting a lift home. Me & my best friend used to sit chatting in the car for about half an hour after we'd been out together every Monday evening. I suppose you'd be frowning upon us being out MIDWEEK!!

You know, they're probably having a laugh in the car watching you spying on them. Fucking saddo. Get a life and mind your own fucking business.

Iamacatslave · 29/05/2025 22:02

Keep your nose out.

LaaLaaLady · 29/05/2025 22:02

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

You are delusional OP! No harm done? Seriously, get some help.

recipientofraspberries · 29/05/2025 22:03

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

You're astonishing.

WhiteWriting · 29/05/2025 22:03

Why not covertly jump into the boot of his car next time he comes to pick her up? Then you can affirm your suspicions and make your report!

WearyAuldWumman · 29/05/2025 22:03

CloudyPortal · 29/05/2025 21:56

If you have the guts you could just bring it up when you next see them together. "Did you have a nice night out the other day? I haven't had a proper dressed up evening out like that in ages! Where did you go"

That's more or less the 'subtle' method that my next door neighbour used with me.

Lostworlds · 29/05/2025 22:03

No this is none of your business and you don’t even know for certain.

There could be a whole load of reasons for her going out, whole load of reasons as to who she’s meeting up with but you don’t know any of those, you’re making a judgement and it could very well be the wrong one.

You want to go and support her husband when you know nothing about their marriage or what’s actually going on. If you say something then you run the risk of causing yourself trouble and/or looking very stupid.

Personally I would mind your own business and focus on yourselves.

B1anche · 29/05/2025 22:03

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

Laugh it off? Being accused of having an affair by the nosey neighbours? This has got to be a wind up.

PrettyPuss · 29/05/2025 22:03

’Now, the woman at number 24 CLAIMS to be a vegetarian.’

Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?
ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 22:04

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

I think this is an excellent idea. Do please come back and let us know how it went. 😆

RegimentalSturgeon · 29/05/2025 22:04

Why lady/man, OP?
It’s either lady/gentleman, man/woman or, if this were not either your fevered imaginings or a wind-up, adulteress/cuckold.

Gyozas · 29/05/2025 22:04

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:56

Because our neighbour is a very nice man and if I was in his position, I’d want to know?

Heck, they could be trying for a baby for all I know and i’d potentially save him from the mess that would bring.

You absolute lunatic 🤣

WearyAuldWumman · 29/05/2025 22:05

ReadingSoManyThreads · 29/05/2025 22:02

Oh my fucking god, a woman being dressed up MIDWEEK? How DARE she!

You don't know why a car would linger for so long? Because many people like to have a chat in the car before they get out when getting a lift home. Me & my best friend used to sit chatting in the car for about half an hour after we'd been out together every Monday evening. I suppose you'd be frowning upon us being out MIDWEEK!!

You know, they're probably having a laugh in the car watching you spying on them. Fucking saddo. Get a life and mind your own fucking business.

This.

I recall saying to my cousin "Oh, the neighbour's having a good look again."

ThatNaiceMember · 29/05/2025 22:05

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:01

We wouldn’t be shouting the odds in the street - a discrete word with the man was what we were thinking. He’ll know if it’s legitimate and in that case I am sure they’ll laugh it off - no harm done.

I don't think he would laugh it off either way. You have no idea if this woman is having an affair and are being ridiculous and opening a whole can of worms that's likely to backfire on you!

Sassybooklover · 29/05/2025 22:05

Don't say a word, it's non of your business. All you have are suspicions, not actual concrete proof of an affair. You don't know what's going on, not really and you aren't privy to the inner workings of her marriage. If she is having an affair, eventually she'll be caught.

2ndbestslayer · 29/05/2025 22:05

They'll laugh it off alright, they'll be laughing it off with everyone they know. They'll probably dine out on the story for years. You'll be known as the nosy neighbours for the rest of your time living there.

Renabrook · 29/05/2025 22:06

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:56

Because our neighbour is a very nice man and if I was in his position, I’d want to know?

Heck, they could be trying for a baby for all I know and i’d potentially save him from the mess that would bring.

What is this modern obsession with everyone trying for a baby not everyone wants them 'the world has to stop because i am trying for a baby' like it is the next Taylor Swift merchandise

Yes please report then tell us how it went, if I wast so concerned with the poor neighbour having to live where they do

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