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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?

647 replies

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
lovelydayIhave · 30/05/2025 07:29

OMG op- you need to gather the evidence, definitely invest in a good night vision binoculars, then march to your neighbour house and show him the evidence, sit comfortably, sip a coffee and watch how he’s going to confront his partner and kick her out of their home.
Then be prepared for a profound thanks from him for saving his future and life.
You are a star, neighbour that everyone wishes for!⭐️

But no time to waste- quickly back home, grab your trusty binoculars and start patrol your other neighbours- you know- the evil never sleeps…

Fleurdalys · 30/05/2025 07:30

Fucking hell
You are exactly the sort of neighbour I’d detest living next door to.
Keep your fucking nose out and get a life.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2025 07:30

If l lived opposite, l’d shag some random in front of an open window. Well, if she wants something to worry about …

CandidRaven · 30/05/2025 07:31

You seem to know an awful lot about your neighbours, its quite concerning actually that you're watching them this closely that you know their routines, i dont even notice when my neighbours are in or out because i dont keep track of it because thats weird and stalker behaviour, maybe it would be worthwhile to start minding your own business and focusing on your own family instead

ShallWeDance · 30/05/2025 07:31

You don't know them and apart from your sense of moral outrage, have no reason to interfere.

It might be worth reminding yourself that whatever you decide and whatever the consequences you will still be neighbours ...

cantthinkofausername26 · 30/05/2025 07:31

This is so fake 🙄

Renabrook · 30/05/2025 07:32

cantthinkofausername26 · 30/05/2025 07:31

This is so fake 🙄

We are advised people are not allowed to say that, no matter how obvious

Bugahug · 30/05/2025 07:33

Unless you have concrete proof...then definitely stay out avd even if you did I would probably not say anything either. Honestly you are creating waaay more trouble for yourself than it's worth.

lousandjays · 30/05/2025 07:34

We must live in the same area and I know exactly the lady you are talking about.

I’m afraid you’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick. The man who collects her is her pastor and because she doesn’t drive he takes her to their weekly bible group. On the way home she moonlights as a cabaret singer, singing for free, out of the goodness of her heart, in a care home for the disadvantaged elderly, where they have created a “bar” for in-house entertainment for the elderly residents. I believe they are all allowed to have 2 drinks of their choice although I’ve been told by one of our other neighbours that they water down the spirits to reduce the risks of UTIs which are the curse of the entire care home.

Anyway I believe our joint neighbour is renowned there, I’ve been told she does an amazing Celine Dion.

I think you would feel really bad if you ever confronted her and got the actual facts of what has been going on so it is better that you get it on the neighbours gossip grapevine instead.

TheBabyFatmoss · 30/05/2025 07:39

Are you missing being lockdown police 0p?

LillyPJ · 30/05/2025 07:40

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:56

Because our neighbour is a very nice man and if I was in his position, I’d want to know?

Heck, they could be trying for a baby for all I know and i’d potentially save him from the mess that would bring.

Show quote history

'They COULD be trying for a baby '? Oh dear, is your bugging system not working properly?

Namechangedformyanswer · 30/05/2025 07:42

🤣

Nice try @AmzJS

LillyPJ · 30/05/2025 07:44

VainAbigail · 30/05/2025 00:28

I think you should report it and feel your options of who to are as follows:

Police
Ofsted
Ofcom
AA
WI
Ghostbusters

🫡

Neighbourhood Watch need to know too. We can't have this sort of thing going on in our streets. It's bad enough that some people don't mow their lawns properly or wash their net curtains.

Dearg · 30/05/2025 07:44

You are a nasty piece of work Op.

You think, but don’t actually know, that it’s a man driving the car. But it could be a woman, a friend, and the two of them have a night out when your neighbour is on her own.

Meantime, in your ghastly head, she’s out there cheating on her husband while they are trying for a baby 😱

Really, wind your neck right in, and stop slandering your neighbour.

Arquebuse · 30/05/2025 07:44

TheBabyFatmoss · 30/05/2025 07:39

Are you missing being lockdown police 0p?

Yes. One pictures the OP in hi-vis, blowing her whistle at people.

Maybe we could have a whip around on here and buy her a hi-vis tabard that says RIPE FOR ADULTERY on the back?

Growlybear83 · 30/05/2025 07:48

This adds a whole new dimension to being a nosey neighbour! Thank goodness you don’t live next to me. Do you usually try to cause trouble like this?

CiaoMeow · 30/05/2025 07:50

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

Stay out of it!

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 30/05/2025 07:53

You, OP, are what they used to call a busybody.

LillyPJ · 30/05/2025 07:56

Dearg · 30/05/2025 07:44

You are a nasty piece of work Op.

You think, but don’t actually know, that it’s a man driving the car. But it could be a woman, a friend, and the two of them have a night out when your neighbour is on her own.

Meantime, in your ghastly head, she’s out there cheating on her husband while they are trying for a baby 😱

Really, wind your neck right in, and stop slandering your neighbour.

Ah - but maybe she's having an affair with a woman? I'm sure in OP's eyes that would make it even worse!

Ellie1015 · 30/05/2025 07:58

Ffs. I get dressed up to go out with friends. If it was an affair I dont think she would get picked up and dropped off at the house. Or sit in the car chatting.

Every chance she goes out with her friends when he is on lates as prefers to be home with him when available. This male or female gives a lift as the live closest.

You know nothing so you are not morally obliged to do anything.

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 08:00

You’ve posted on here to see if you should tell, what is it that’s stopping you from doing it without the need for other’s opinions?

StarlightLady · 30/05/2025 08:03

I’m going out the back door tonight in my gardening clothes. Changing to posh frock somewhere out of view.

SuperTrooper14 · 30/05/2025 08:03

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:07

I don’t believe they are married - we haven’t spotted a ring at least. Which makes things even more ripe for infidelity.

This is clearly a wind-up thread but okay, I'll bite. Not being married does not make you more or less likely to cheat. Cheaters are going to cheat regardless of whether they've plunked 20 grand on a wedding and trothed themselves to another in front of family, friends and if you believe such a thing exists God. HTH.

LogicVoid · 30/05/2025 08:04

Got to be a wind-up surely? If not, mind your own business and get a life. Seriously.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/05/2025 08:05

He's her pimp 🤷

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