Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?

[AmzJS]

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

Him being a nice man doesn't make it any of your business.

It's not up to you to decide how she should dress and when, or how long she should sit in a car outside her house. You sound like poison.

How can you not understand that it's none of your business?

My neighbour ran into her son on the street when she was leaving the wheelie bin out and gave him a hug. Within an hour someone had told her husband she was having an affair

The fact you are so invested in what some random neighbour is doing says a lot more about how empty your own personal life is than it does about what may or may not be going on in hers.

You have absolutely zero idea how nice or not nice her partner is.
Telling your nasty little tales to him based on the fact you can't keep your nose out of other peoples business and are happy to wildly speculate could well be the reason you get to find he is actually a family annihilator type.

Not all violent men wear wife beaters and have prison tattoos.
Many of them come across as lovely family men before they kill their partners and or children if they have them.
They aren't even that rare.

I think people who have affairs are disgusting.
That doesn't mean I'd potentially risk a womans life to satisfy my curiosity.

She may not even be having an affair.
She could be going out to a hobby with her brother and it's the only chance she gets to dress up.
It doesn't matter what she is doing, it's none of your business.

Stay out of it.

I don’t agree with telling a neighbour this sort of thing. It is no one’s business I think. You don’t know how the woman may react when she finds out who spilled the beans (if it is true). How do you know she won’t cause trouble for you and your family? Are you that secure in thinking that you are morality police and are invincible?

You don’t know her history, background or the guy’s for that matter. You could cause huge problems for them and you and your family. Don’t forget they know where you live!

Keep it between you and DH if this amuses you both so much. Personally I would watch a movie or read a book if I was finding myself gazing out at the neighbours this much.

Perhaps you could start by taking a shit on your doorstep. If you find it's to your liking, then by all means get involved in your neighbors' marraige.

Ok I’m pretty sure this is a wind up now, because the OP’s comments are getting more and more ridiculous the further down the thread you go.
first she’s concerned if they might be trying for a baby, then she’s not even sure if the person in the car is a man, then she’s not going to shout it down the street she’s just going to have a private word and it’ll be laughed off, then she hasn’t seen a ring!!!!
OP you had us all fooled, but if there really is a chance of this being real, you need help, and you really need it ASAP.

OP, I can’t believe you’d contemplate being such an interfering busybody. I’m glad I don’t live next door to you (and I lead a fairly blameless life).

…and the band played believe it if you like!

Mad you think affair as opposed to friend or relative or even that she’s going out to work somewhere she needs to get dressed up for!! I think you’re both watching too many dramas!!

report?
it is not your business

This is none of your business, OP. Get a life.

Sounds like you and your DH need to get out more and stop stalking your neighbour! Some people go out and do stuff in the evenings OP, is that a foreign concept to you?

No harm done??? How the f do you know ?

He might kill her for all you know ! MYFB!!!!

Good grief

I am wondering if when people sell and buy properties there is a ''neighbour who has no life form'' can be completed

"Dear neighbour', we are married with 2 children one of who is the love child of the pool boy I had an affair with back in 90's, when I put the bins out in my bra and knickers it means my bit on the side is coming around so whistle loudly incase my husband comes home please, when you have nothing better to do I will tell you all about it saves the pressure on your curtains being moved every time we leave the house, your truly get a life'

Nope they wouldn't laugh it off, they would think you and your husband are interfering oddballs and be looking to move, they no doubt would tell anyone else on the street they are friendly with about your behaviour as well and you'd get the reputation you deserve.

It's "discreet" not "discrete"
If this is real you sound absolutely insufferable and bonkers.

Hell no!

Because it’s none of your business.

I’d be horrified to think my neighbours:

• noticed whether I wear a wedding ring
• assumed because I don’t I’m ‘ripe for infidelity’
• assumed because I go out without my partner I must be having an affair
• checked if my dialogue had been picked up on their ring doorbell
• pondered if I might be a sex worker
• were considering ‘reporting’ my movements to my partner (or male flatmate).

Takes curtain twitching to a whole new level. Like being spied on by the Stasi.

It’s 2025, not 1925. Women should be able to go out with friends (or lovers) ‘done up’ in make up, ‘flattering outfits’, tight dresses and heels without the neighbours clutching their pearls, passing moral judgement or reporting them to a man.

This is obviously a wind up. Nice try. And you sound like a man OP. Get a life.

I can’t wait for the latest update! Does he live under the next bridge to you? What time to trolls get up?

Very Important Point 👆

OMFG

Many many years ago, my Dad went on a training course which involved staying a few days away.
Someone later asked him, if his brother in law had a certain car because it had been parked outside our house for the few days that my Dad was away. The implication was that if it wasn't my Mum's brother visiting her, she was having an affair.
In actual fact, my Dad had gone to the course with his colleague. The colleague had driven to our house, parked his car outside and Dad had driven him to the course.
But gossipy tongues had wagged about the strange car outside whilst my Dad was away.

Have you considered that all this interest in your neighbours comings and goings is an indication that your own marriage has run out of steam and is in trouble.

You clearly have nothing better to talk about. If you were a solid partnership you would be discussing your future plans and what you want to do next and what is going on within your family unit.

I think you have a very limited view on life.
You have no idea that this “nice man” isn’t a miserly AH who is handy with his fists and this is her making a new life for herself and escaping. What would happen if you told him and he killed her
What would happen if you told him and she dumped him and the house was in her name only and he ended up homeless

You don’t know anything about what goes on behind your neighbours closed door.
They might have agreed to an open relationship as long as it is all kept discreet. He could be living with his affair partner when he is away. Maybe you could follow him each week and track his movements and meetings when he is away.

As I have said I would suggest that this new found interest in your neighbours lives is a distraction from the failings in your own relationship.
If you were happy you wouldn’t take any notice of your neighbours comings and goings and definitely not be wanting to spread misery.

Stop living your lives through others.

If I was her and knew I was being watched I’d start wearing increasingly stronger perfume, more risqué outfits and start mixing up the timings a bit just to keep you on your toes 😂