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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?

647 replies

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
Iamnotalemming · 30/05/2025 00:10

Is this for real?!
If it is, mind your own business!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/05/2025 00:12

There was an almost identical post a few months ago. 🙄

Tbry24 · 30/05/2025 00:14

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:51

I would thank them for their vigilance and make further enquiries into my DH’s alleged conduct.

Show quote history

I can’t believe this! OP you have no idea whom what or where the lady and the driver are going to and from. It could be a brother, uncle, dad, job, hobby, visiting someone in hospital, church, literally anything.

as for the ‘nice man’ not all the supposedly nice men are that. Have you not got any idea what some nice men would do to their partners if they were told they are being unfaithful? The poor lady could end up a victim of domestic abuse or worse.

StrikeForever · 30/05/2025 00:16

Reading the ongoing OP’s responses, this has to be a wind up. She is completely ignoring the unanimous replies.

Penguinfeet24 · 30/05/2025 00:17

Holy shit, you can't be for real?! No you do not say anything, you keep your nose out and get a bloody hobby because you've got way too much time on your hands.

Tbry24 · 30/05/2025 00:22

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 22:07

I don’t believe they are married - we haven’t spotted a ring at least. Which makes things even more ripe for infidelity.

As for this comment what the heck!!!!

I don’t personally wear a ring, I’ve been with my DP for two decades. On what planet does that mean someone like me would have an affair?

You have to be the nosiest, most judgemental neighbour ever. I’m really glad I don’t live opposite you.

For all I know you might do. You’d see my DP going away for work or going out at weekends for his hobby and whilst he’s out of the house you would see me going in and out in my car enjoying my life. You’d see me putting on nicer clothes and makeup to go out for a coffee or to look around the shops and I guess your thought process on me would mean I’m having an affair!

Also not sure you know where the man is when he’s left the house, for all you know he could be having an affair himself.

BeanQuisine · 30/05/2025 00:23

You're right that something needs to be done, but I wouldn't act alone. For all you know the tarted-up cheater and/or her toy-boy might be armed and dangerous. He might be foreign or something.

I would go straight to the police with my suspicions. They're likely to be very interested as there could well be a drug-dealing or espionage connection, as well as the flagrant adultery which is surely illegal.

Entero · 30/05/2025 00:26

The absolute whoure, how very dare she.😆, but if, you know, her man didn't like it enough to put a ring on it, what ya gonna do 🤷

VainAbigail · 30/05/2025 00:28

I think you should report it and feel your options of who to are as follows:

Police
Ofsted
Ofcom
AA
WI
Ghostbusters

🫡

HuffleMyPuffle · 30/05/2025 01:06

Ah yes, the magic Ring Doorbell which can pick up conversations INSIDE a car OUTSIDE a different house 🤣

HuffleMyPuffle · 30/05/2025 01:07

VainAbigail · 30/05/2025 00:28

I think you should report it and feel your options of who to are as follows:

Police
Ofsted
Ofcom
AA
WI
Ghostbusters

🫡

Village elders
The local school
Her employer

Scorchio84 · 30/05/2025 01:12

My name is Michael Caine & i am a nosy neighbour

Missanimosity · 30/05/2025 01:22

How do you know when her husband pulls up in the morning he is going to work? Why didn't you suspect him of cheating? How do you know their living arrangements, their relationship, their buisness? How do you actually know that he goes out of the house at night once a month??? How long did you watch them for you to be able to see this pattern? You do a better job than police covert surveillance. Who do you think you are to involve yourself in someone else's relationship without any evidence? And even with evidence, why the hell do you care? What is lacking in your life for you to spend so much time looking through the window?!

Gabitule · 30/05/2025 01:22

Op, I would hate to be your neighbour, I can’t understand how people like you have no understanding of boundaries…

When I moved into my house the bf I had at the time moved in with me. Very soon I realised that my next door neighbour knew everyone’s business (to the point of knowing exactly where every neighbour was at any point of night and day- scary!)
In time, my ex and I split up v amicably but continued to live together, go on holiday together etc. After a while I started dating. One night when my ex was away, I invited the guy I was dating over for dinner. At some point during the evening I glanced at the window to see my neighbour on her tiptoes, craning her neck above her fence so she could see inside my house. My heart stopped. I felt so incredibly violated. I can still see her disgusting face, trying really hard to lift her neck as high as she could so she could see above her fence into my house!

She‘s planning to move house so, wherever you are, I hope she’ll move next to you.

Dancingintherainxxx · 30/05/2025 01:22

She's either having an affair or is a sex worker.

People are so odd on here. Definitely tell him but anonymously !

Todayismyfavouriteday · 30/05/2025 02:05

Oh my God, have you nothing better to do? She might be going to a fancy book club, a weekly outing with a close friend, whatever. Why would you care? Are you jealous of her dressing up and having a good time? Get a life.

MsAmerica · 30/05/2025 02:28

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

You don't truly know what's going on, and if you're not close friends with the husband, you don't owe him anything.
You could, of course, say pleasantly to the wife: "I loved that gorgeous dress I saw you in Tuesday evening - you must have been the belle of the ball!" That might make her think twice about the possibility of exposure. But you can't really do more than that, since you don't know the truth of the matter.

PortillosRedTrousers · 30/05/2025 02:35

Goodness! One cannot go out these days to a candlelight supper without Mrs Bucket in the hedge next door pretending to tidy her bush whilst she spies on the neighbours.

Renabrook · 30/05/2025 02:43

PortillosRedTrousers · 30/05/2025 02:35

Goodness! One cannot go out these days to a candlelight supper without Mrs Bucket in the hedge next door pretending to tidy her bush whilst she spies on the neighbours.

At least the bush is getting some attention I suppose

PortillosRedTrousers · 30/05/2025 02:45

Renabrook · 30/05/2025 02:43

At least the bush is getting some attention I suppose

Show quote history

Richard dreads bush trimming night. He has to go next door to Emmett’s house to hide.

Icecreamhelps · 30/05/2025 02:50

Erm, no definitely don't interfere at all. I've just got home from a late shift so I haven't read the other replies but I'd bet my wages they are the same.

Starlia · 30/05/2025 02:55

This is the most hilariously unhinged thing I’ve read this week.

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 30/05/2025 02:56

rivalsbinge · 29/05/2025 23:15

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

I imagine the’re curtain twitchers, not outright gawkers. 😂

EllasNonny · 30/05/2025 03:18

I'd think this complete BS, except I know someone like you. She was wrong. The wife was going to a dancing hobby with her gay best friend.

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