To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

[Fallinleaves]

I’ll start… 3 days ago I took a chunk out of my thumb whilst putting my socks on because I had a really rough toenail I hadn’t noticed. It’s like a paper cut but worse! Still hurts, still stings with everything that touches it 3 days on 😭. Please make me feel better….

My cousin, who's less than five feet tall, tripped over her pj bottoms and fell down the stairs, breaking her back. It can be dangerous being a short arse.

You'll have enjoyed my post earlier then. And the Hungry Piggy one. 👋 😉

Which reminds me. I was once in my pre veggie days carrying a bowl of tuna on my way out of the kitchen. Our dog tried sniffing round so I shooed her away with my other hand. In doing so I hit the dog crate, caught my fingers in the bars and dislocated my middle finger, chipping a bit of bone too. It was bent into a W shape until the doc at casualty straightened it out again. I swear that hound was sniggering when I got back home. 😤

I’m 5ft 2!

<looks up at Xmas>
I'm five feet nothing! PJ shorts for me all the way! 😅

When I broke my nose tripping over I ended up with essentially a Hitler moustache as my upper lip was so scabby and it wouldn't come off. I was a sight to behold.

As a pre-teen I was sunbathing on a very solid and chunky vintage sun lounger in my aunt and uncles garden. I decided to try and adjust the angle while sitting on it, it was on a spring loaded ratchet mechanism, so I pushed it back to release it, and the force of it "coming back" as it were caused me to lose my one handed grip so it smacked me solidly on the side of the head and tried to fold me up in it. That was pretty painful.

In the same garden, I opened the back doors to step outside just as my team playing footballer cousin kicked a leather football towards the house with full force and it was stopped by my face. How I didn't get a broken nose or black eyes I'll never know. And he laughed. Twat.

Sorry… I didn’t mean to be rude or be completely without sympathy. But that was class!💐

Oh God, these memories just keep coming.

This one was a complete parenting fail when my DS was about 3. I'd asked his DF to keep an eye on him while I did a workout video. DS was happily tootling around the flat on a little tricycle. I was on all fours doing the "kick one leg back" exercise with gusto. Twat DF opened the living room door to see if I was nearly finished, DS scooted past him and behind me so I didn't see him come in and I properly punted him sideways into the sofa with my foot. Fortunately he was unharmed, just a bit shocked, so lots of cuddles and an ice cream and no harm done. But my blood ran cold imagining trying to explain any injury had it been worse to a doctor or God forbid a SW, with DS able to say quite clearly that I'd kicked him off his scooter. It wouldn't have stopped me taking him if necessary of course, but it could have been really awkward!

You've just reminded me that I did exactly the same climbing over a fence as a teenager. Couldn't see any bruising externally, but my god my vagina hurt for bloody ages

Sliced my thumb open changing a light bulb (wasn't even my light bulb)

Ohh i and just remembered when I was walking to the toilet and accidently kicked the hoover pipe and sliced my toe open

I had my head inside the car boot looking for something, finished looking and shut the boot really hard - before I got my head out. Gave myself an awful concussion.

Sprained my shoulder walking home from a head, neck and shoulder massage 😅

I managed to throw my back out by cleaning my teeth - maybe I was brushing too hard.

I also tore some fibres of my hamstring by standing up and turning slightly.

As a kid, I was gardening with my parents, and jammed a garden fork through my wellies and into the ground. Luckily the tines of the fork went between my toes, and just grazed them.

I'm adding hoovers to the list of banned items. Far too dangerous. Them and duvets, stairs, chairs, stiles, ironing boards, clothes airers, dog crates. I'll think of more, I'm sure. It's for our own good. #KeepBritain*Safe

*and anywhere else

Oh this the most embarrassing.

I used to live in Holland. I am absolutely NOT into cannabis/weed but for some reason decided to try a space cake in Amsterdam and then go to Anne Frank's house with a friend.

I was twatted (first time ever trying cannabis in any form) and after getting some embarrassing giggles fell over, IN HER ANNEX, in front of people crying, and knocking myself out. I had to be carried out by security.

I don't think I've ever been so ashamed 😬. I'm sorry to anyone who may have witnessed this - I'm genuinely not usually a disrespectful person!

I’ve done this!!! I thought my eye was going to explode 🤣

Trapped a nipple slamming a filing cabinet door shut.

Trapped a nerve in my neck taking a hair band out.

Matching scars from the dog looping his long lead round me and pulling it so tight and fast the friction caused it to cut into both my legs.

Nearly cut my finger off running my hand up a plant as a child. Turns out the stem was very sharp and woody. Still have the scar.

There's many many more.

Oh I've just thought of another. Again in Holland, me and my brother and sister cycling back from the pub along a canal path. I was at the back and first my brother went in the canal on his bike, then my sister, then just as I was mocking them as they dragged their bikes out of the canal I accidentally swerved and ended up in there too. Had quite a bad black eye 🤣

I got up for a wee in the middle of the night and stubbed my toes on the skirting board and broke and dislocated them. They were pointing in a weird v shape. My boyfriend at the time manipulated them back into place and taped them up for me. They kept moving out of place so I ended up going to A&E.

I sat on the loo in the small loo, dropped something on the floor, bent forward to pick it up and smacked my face on the little sink and knocked myself out. I still have a linear dent in my forehead, 18 years later, so I wonder whether I might have cracked my skull.

Spattered myself in the face with scalding sauce from an over-microwaved ready meal - took the plastic off the top and it sort of exploded. Weeping sores for about three weeks.

Poked myself in the eye while half asleep with the corner of the pillow. Red and sore for a week.

Having had a hand shut in a car door , you have my utmost sympathies.

I sat on a jellyfish in the sea in Greece and had to show my bum to the Pharmacist in the shop as they couldn’t understand what I was saying or my attempt at miming it.

Reached for the razor in the shower, dropped it, felt it touch my body but didn’t think anything of it.
Got out and started drying to find patches of blood appearing on the towel. Took me a very confused few minutes to realise I’d taken some skin off my nipple with the razor as it fell

Also, was making fun of my sister being excited and running down the stairs on Christmas morning (I was a teen). Skipped down the stairs, tripped and broke 2 toes. Serves me right I suppose!