Is this split of household tasks fair?

[Foolsonparade]

My fiancé and I both work full time. We have set jobs that we both do that are seen as “our” tasks. So I cook and clean the kitchen and DP does everything else.

I ended up getting a bit fed up of doing the cooking every single night (on the rare occasion that I won’t be back late, he will cook) and then cleaning the kitchen. So I asked if we could split this instead of it being just one persons task. He argued that those are my only two jobs whereas he does literally everything else. I just feel like “everything else” is not as big of a task as cooking and washing the pots.

We don’t have any children, he will clean all other rooms of the house and hoover and do the laundry and clean litter trays. I work hybrid so work from home 2 days a week. This set up has worked nicely tbh because we both know what we are expected to do and just get on with it and are in a routine with it. But would I be unreasonable to think we should take the cooking in turns?

It sounds like he does a lot, but I appreciate that doing the cooking every day is relentless.

i think he has way more to do than you tbh but if you want to do half of everything then that would be fair

I don't think it's unreasonable to take turns, but you'd have to take on his roles whilst he took on yours.

You are doing much less than him and unless you are whipping up 3 course meals every night, I can't imagine what is quite so onerous compared to him doing every other household task.

Does he do the bathrooms, loos and all that? Plus the laundry and hoovering etc.?

Yes, it’s a great deal for you and I wouldn’t bugger that up.

This has to be a reverse

I think you'd need to swap alternating cooking days for picking up another cleaning job maybe a small room like the bathroom to make it fair. It depends what you're cooking I guess; an elaborate 3 course meal every night is going to involve a lot more cleaning up than cooking a pre-packed stir fry.

I think cooking is awful because what you don't mention is all the meal planning and shopping (admittedly this is probably a bit more complicated for me with DC with eating issues) which is horrendous. Also your task is a critical everyday thing that has a time limit on it whereas "everything else" is more flexible. Thing is if he thinks you have such a great deal then I don't see why swapping/sharing that task is an issue (assume you are proposing to share something of his everything else in return)

This

So you want him continue doing all the other chores, plus half of the cooking? Are you joking?

You have no children so only cooking for the two of you - how long can it take and how many pots are you using?

Can you do some meal prep on a Sunday morning, so you only have to actually cook once or twice during the week? There’s plenty you can batch cook and then freeze in portions. Take it out of freezer and put in oven, do a side salad etc.

You could spend an hour at the weekend planning a menu for each night, maybe prepping some stuff, even doing a bit of batch cooking in advance by cooking double quantities and freezing for the next week might help, then the chore of starting cooking from scratch every night won’t be as daunting. Things like having good home made tomato sauce or a spag bol sauce, or daal, or a decent curry sauce in the freezer or even a bag of frozen grated cheese can save you time and energy. Use frozen stuff like ready chopped onion, leeks, frozen garlic cubes, butternut squash etc to save time and effort.

For what it’s worth I think you have the better deal, I would far rather cook than clean.

How is cooking for two people every day relentless? It’s literally just putting food in an oven.

I am also wondering if this is a reverse.

But there is a relentlessness about having to do the same job every night come what may. And actually no one dies if the hoovering or litter trays go a day whereas everyone notices if the cooking or washing up is missed. It's worth switching it up a bit and give each other a break, otherwise you end up taking each other for granted. I get so bored of cooking every night even though DH washes up, so he tries to step in and take a turn at weekends to keep us both sane.

I'd suggest the split of tasks is already uneven and you do far less.

Perhaps what you need to do is write down all the cleaning tasks and divide them up evenly. Then work out a cooking/cleaning rota (one cooks/other one cleans) and meal plan together.

You’re clearly bored with your cooking & washing up, I suggest you take on their jobs & let them do yours.

Suggest he does the cooking/kitchen cleaning and you all the other chores.

If you take turns in the kitchen, you should take turns with the other tasks as well. I imagine he’s a bit fed up with cleaning the cat boxes and doing the laundry every time, as those things are relentless too, but somebody has to do it.

I would love it if all I had to do was the cooking/dinner clean up, you have a very sweet deal.

If you want him to do some cooking as well, you could take on the laundry which is a great WFH chore.

I’m calling reverse.

If not, you’ve got the seriously good end of the deal here OP and I’d keep quiet if I were you.

That's not cooking. That's heating up. Cooking involves chopping and marinating and stirring and seasoning and all manner of things!

It doesn’t matter what is fair what matters is does it work for both parties , it’s not working for you so you both need to revisit the arrangement .

Same energy as those saying “the dishwasher and laundry machines do all the work for you” isn’t it? I’d love to know what kind of oven does the shopping, chopping, seasoning, assembling, heating, and serving for you. Or what dishwasher scrapes the plates, rinses them, puts them in their appropriate places, washes them, and then magicks them back into the cupboards and drawers!

Yes, take the cooking in turns. But then you need to do something he currently does.

Otherwise, YABVU.

Well, obviously you have a much lighter load, if he is doing litter trays, as well as laundry and cleaning everywhere, BUT, that doesn't mean YABU or YANBU if you have decided you hate cooking each night.
Just because something worked "on paper" to begin with, doesn't mean it has to stay the same for the rest of your lives.

Who does / how do you do the shopping? As that can have an impact if the other one wants specific things to cook with. Can work fine - when the dc were teens, each of them, and both of us cooked one meal each during the week and they had the choice of using whatever was in the fridge / store cupboard or thinking ahead, and putting ingredients they wanted on the list before I did the weekly shop.