To have two days a week to myself?

[twofulldays]

It’s been an intense few years and I’ve definitely taken on the lions share of parenting.

DS starts school in September, and am planning to stay 0.6, so three days a week. This obviously means I’ll have two days a week to myself if you like. But it also means on those days he won’t have to do breakfast / after school club.

The number of comments I’ve had about this has surprised me. AIBU to work part time with primary school aged children? I will have them all school holidays and I guess I feel I’ve earned a little time to myself in term time!

I think your thinking is a bit skewed about “fairness” here. It’s about making sure that the family works but also that if a disaster befel you (illness, separation, affair, house flood, car explodes, parents need care) you personally can manage. IMO you absolutely don’t want to be one of those poor people (usually a woman) whose partner treats her like shit but she is “not in a position to leave” because she has no money, can’t scrape a deposit together or afford rent.

Remember 0.6 also means that you’ll be paying less into your pension and national insurance contributions and in reality it will be harder for you to move jobs or get promoted.

I’d personally have a chat with your DH and see if you could both do a 4 day week or compressed week so that one of you gets a day with DH. Or if you’re desperate check that your DH is fine with this (it can be miserable being the main breadwinner) but maybe look at it short term- I did a 4 day week until my youngest was 8 and then moved back to full time but compressed. Very glad I did because he’s now not well and my income supports the family.

One of the reasons I returned to work full time when DT’s were six months (normal maternity leave then) was the impact on my career progression and earning potential if I’d stayed off longer or returned part time. DH was at the end of his time as an A&E doctor before starting his GP training so part time wasn’t an option for him. It’s paid off as we’re now in our mid 50’s and have retired.

How does your DH feel about being the main breadwinner? Is he OK with that pressure?

Working part time will almost certainly have an effect on her career. I wouldn't say that is ideal. It may be for the best for her family, but that is in large part due to the way society is currently arranged. IMO the ideal would be for both parents to have support to care for their children and progress in their careers. Sadly, many workplaces are far from family friendly and high quality childcare is not always available.

Because women want to. Recent thread how many women would happily throw in their career to be a sahm. Yet MN would have you believe they are forced to by the big bad husband

It's the gender pay gap too. Dh and I are the same age, have the same qualifications, work in the same industry, I am better at my job than he is at his, he admits this too. But he was paid £30k more than me when we had dc1. The ONLY difference is he has a penis.

So when it came to who would take mat leave and the brunt of childcare it made sense not to lose the higher salary.

I did stay full time though and now out earn him and he now works part time as a result 😁

I know it’s usually the women but my question was why the women and not the man.

Part time working is the ideal,

You are still putting in to your pension and you have a feet on the career ladder,

Yes, I suppose there are less opprtunities to progress as there are less senior roles for part timers (in my work place)

I don't think I could cope in my job full time (demanding, public sector role), so it works well for us.

Hell no. I'm 46 with no kids and live alone. I work 4 days a week and I've just put an application in to drop down to 3 days. So if I can do it and not feel guilty then you definitely shouldn't feel bad. I don't have packed lunches to make, school uniforms to wash, other half's clothes to iron, etc. Have your 2 days to yourself to catch up with chores, get ahead with household admin, insurance renewal quotes, etc etc. Take time to recharge and refresh yourself and flipping enjoy your life, it's too short.

Edited to add..... Assuming you can afford it!! I've made cutbacks so I can, and it's well worth it.

It's works well i think. me and dh both do part time (both .7 FTE) , we aren't massively high earners but enough for a pretty decent quality of life. It works so, so well I could never dream of going back full time. I've been promoted during the time I've worked this pattern so it hasn't been a hindrance to me. Ive had quite a lot of comments about when im putting me hours back up but you have to do what works for your family - a good work life balance makes such a difference to your life - both as individuals and as a family unit.

Lots of parents do this at my DDs school so definitely pretty normal. The life admin for a school age child is a lot, plus they only do 9-3.
That would be my ideal set up but the nature of my job makes it difficult to do 3 days, plus im a single parent so need the £

There are 2 people who need to find this an okay setup, you and your dh.
No one else.
i was at home full time when my 3 were small, i was home for over 10 years in all. No one else’s business - worked well for Dh, the dc and I and suited us. I have absolutely no regrets and would do it all over again.
i think my mum had issues with it, made a lot of digs and comments but i was always the one she called when she needed taking to appointments during the week!

Do it. I’m a sahm, one primary aged and one toddler who is hard, hard work. So I have a Pt nanny for a few days of the week. No one has ever said anything to me. If you can afford it, why not