To have two days a week to myself?

[twofulldays]

It’s been an intense few years and I’ve definitely taken on the lions share of parenting.

DS starts school in September, and am planning to stay 0.6, so three days a week. This obviously means I’ll have two days a week to myself if you like. But it also means on those days he won’t have to do breakfast / after school club.

The number of comments I’ve had about this has surprised me. AIBU to work part time with primary school aged children? I will have them all school holidays and I guess I feel I’ve earned a little time to myself in term time!

I do 30 hours and that’s 2 days one week and 3 days the next covering weekend as well.
To me school days go very quickly and by the time I drop DD off, go food shopping, do housework, have something to eat it’s time for the school run.
My husband works compressed hours over 4 days also.
They also have 13 weeks holiday and obviously we don’t get 13 weeks annual leave and we like time off as a family. For our family it is more cost effective me working these hours.
For example half term this week. I am at work today (bank holiday) took 12 hours AL so i’m off the rest of the week…..zero childcare needed 😊

Depends on your career. It would destroy mine, so it would be short term relaxing but long term stagnation.

I work 2 days per week term time and my dcs are at school, I get comments from people about how I spend my time on my days off but I will do what works best for my family.

YANBU! I have 1 day off a week, I work 30h, and honestly I'd love 2 days, we just can't afford it.

Life is so busy and overwhelming, I desperately need that 6h to function (I'm autistic) - if I had 12h my quality of life would massively improve!

If you can afford it, do it OP. 12h is not much!

Yes we also have a sport for our two youngest as well early Sunday mornings. They need ferried back and forth too.

Especially when they are in reception it is useful to have some flexibility so you can do play dates, meet other parents. Plus getting on top of reading, homework etc. You can also ensure the chores such as laundry etc are done at home. If you go back to work full time then dh will need to split the chores more evenly. Or bring in extra help, so he might need to supervise a cleaner when they start on his wfh day on a Friday. Ideally also you should over pay a little on your pension to compensate for earning less.

Really it is a conversation between you and dh, if you are both happy then the other people's views are not relevant. If dh is not happy with you only working three days a week you need to sit down together and figure out what will look fair if you work full time in terms of division of supervising homework, household chores etc. Or perhaps it is something that you review on an annual basis.

You still haven’t said what your dh feels about this?

I am you OP!

i love it but to help with out of school club. I did change my hours to 4 short days so Monday off and 8.30-3 Tuesday to Friday which I found a good balance for keeping that one day off and school pick up.

I’ve never had any bad comments and if I’m honest I have no interest in working more hours. I’m very happy with how much I earn and if anything ever happens I know my work let me increase my hours easily.

For me it’s the perfect work life balance 🥰

We both work three days a week, it isn’t something we would choose if it meant one of us having to work fulltime to fund the other. When our youngest starts school we won’t change our hours.

It’s not fair to expect your DH to carry you financially.

It's not fair to make that assumption or assume he wouldn't prefer to work. Many men do. Many women carry men in every way except financially. DH and I could have both gone part time or he could have been PT while I was FT but he didn't want to, though he still pulled his weight outside work. Also I am the higher earner and could still earn a good salary part time. People need to find what works for them.

No I don’t think YABU at all, it sounds like a lovely lifestyle. I’ve known so many women in my working life who have worked part time even when the kids are older so that they can keep on top of housework, food shopping etc and the weekends can be dedicated to family time.

I was going to suggest this too - could you do one normal day (when your DH WFH) and then three shorter days? That would reduce the need for childcare, give you more time with your child but still leave you with a day off.

Or spread the hours over five days to save on childcare completely (ideally with the flexibility to do three full-days in the holidays, to save money on holiday camps).

She’s saving the household the costs of wraparound care two days a week and, I would guess, carrying the burden of household stuff on those two days. And bringing in 0.6 FTE. No one’s “carrying” anyone.

Sounds good, OP – I would say that most parents of little kids don’t get downtime though! And if you have further children… I do 0.6 but split over four days to do school pickup, which means racing out the door after my last meeting; then on the remaining day “off” I’m with nursery-age DS. There’s zero downtime! Would love to up my hours for financial reasons but school is more tiring than nursery, I’ve found: they need more winding down time afterwards, time to run around and the free play they’re missing out on in school (they get a bit of this at after-school club but less fresh air in winter/rain than I can enforce at home), reading, homework.

You may find your two days “off” – depending on how long it takes you to get back after drop-off and when you need to set off for pick-up, it’s more like five hours – get eaten up with household stuff and the kind of going-to-the-tip chores everyone else has to punt to the weekend. So 60% pay but the same lack of downtime, really.

I think if it works for both you and your husband and you can afford it then go for it. I do my full hours but condensed to 4 10hr shifts so I have a Wednesday and weekend off. I would have liked to go part time but unfortunately we can’t afford it so this feels like a good way to get more days at home for me. My husband does 4 on 4 so my daughter is either with me, my husband or 1 or 2 days with my mam. It’s working well so far.
dont take any notice of anyone’s oppinion, we’re all just doing our best. They are probably jealous

It’s personal preference in a relationship, I am assuming OP has talked about this.

My DH is absolutely fine with me working reduced hours as I support the family in so many ways other than financial working part time. We are happy with the money I bring in. If we needed more money it’s a different conversation.

Of course not. Also, surprised no one (in first two pages) has pointed out that you only get that time to yourself during term time. I’m the holidays you get to spend those days with your children instead of having to stick them into
hiday clubs. 3 days per week is an absolute no-brainer. Better for the whole family, IMO, not to have everyone absolutely flat out constantly

I've worked 0.6 since I had my kids. Eldest is now 13 and I have no intention of upping my hours. DH does 0.8.

We found the kids were more tired with school/after school than with nursery - more than 1 setting, more expected of them during the day at school.

The kids needed downtime at home, earlier dinner, a more relaxed evening before bed. The 2 days they're in after school and we're both working were always hectic and they were shattered. Having a few afternoons with a parent at home also means time for playdates with friends, planning appointments so they weren't always in school time (e.g. speech therapy), homework when they're older, instrument practice, and just being together.

On my two days I get a lot of stuff done in the house or garden, as well as my own work (teacher so marking/planning), study (did a part-time MA a few years ago), planning of numerous appointments (dentist/ortho, psychologist, medical appointments), errands like food shop, and also get some down time.

We can now leave DS1 as he's in secondary so lets himself in 2 afternoons a week but they still need us a lot practically, emotionally and to help with supporting self-management and development (ND family). We also both share the mornings so no breakfast club but always 1 of us here till youngest leaves the house at 8:15.

I live in a country where it's very very common for parents to work part-time and continue to do so even when kids are not in primary any more. Less than 20% of staff in my school are full-time!

It’s a good balance.
I get chores done so weekends are more relaxed, get time to myself, spend time with friends who also work part time.
You also get to meet the parents of your dc’s friend at school run time and have those days off in the school holidays (if you’re not working in school settings) to do stuff with dc.

I stayed 0.6 when my kids went to school- was lovely to do school runs and see them when I wasn’t shattered, ask about their day, go to the park, time to do play dates, go to school plays etc- all those things count and will be much more memorable that you ‘are there’ so go for it and don’t feel guilty.

when my kids were that young there were two main camps of mums- the completely overworked and everything was a competition how tired they were/how much they did and the sahm who wore gym clothes daily and arranged lunches everyday… there were a only few of us ‘normal’ in the middle who had the balance right and were down to earth. Jealousy is a horrible thing and don't let others limit you in how you live your life.

it’s amazing having extra time for the life admin/cleaning etc and your weekends will be much freeer and you will keep better mh trying not to ‘do it all’.

my kids are teens now and we have a lovely relationship but they enjoy their own space without us, and I really miss the time when they were little- I used to hate people saying this to me but it is actually so true- enjoy the time while you have them and being 0.6 will help with that!

I worked 0.6 for years, then increased to 0.8 and full time once they went to high school. I did all sorts of jobs that made weekends easier and benefitted everyone. I also saw things at school and was present on the playground.
it worked well for me

I did three days a week for years when DS was at school.

I did housework/chores on one day and the other day was MINE.

Fair isn't necessarily the same as equal. I worked less hours and contributed less to the family finances, so in turn I did more of the housework and it was nice to have free weekends as a family, with no piles of laundry etc. I thought this was a fair compromise.

Some will shoot me down in flames for allowing DH to get away with not doing his equal share of housework etc., but we were happy, it worked for us. As long as you and DH are on the same page then don't worry about anyone else.

However, 20 years on and now heading towards retirement, I am regretting I didn't make sure that I kept pension payments to the forefront of my mind. If we had thought about it, DH would have helped me financially to do this.

Wonder why in the majority of these situations it’s the women who goes onto part time hours rather than the man?

Follow-on from maternity leave, maybe? DP did a chunk of shared parental leave with DC1 but through circumstance (I was freelance and then the pandemic), I was home a lot for it and still breastfeeding, so he never quite did the solo stint I did. With DC2 he had a four-month chunk at the beginning alongside me, then I did the rest up to 14 months – it’s harder after that length of time to adjust the roles, I think. I’d have hated going from full-time with the kids to full-time at work and was lucky to be able to go part-time. And after so long solo with them, there’s the primary carer factor – it’s taken another year after my return to work for DS to need us equally or to ask for daddy not mummy; and that’s very recent.

Plus financial reasons. Once you’re into the nursery fee and mortgage years, it’s hard for the full-time person to step back from the full-time wage; and for the person who’s maybe stepped off the career pedal for a bit for multiple pregnancies and maternity leaves to suddenly accelerate to equal earning power. My earning power started stalling with pregnancy No.1 for which I was vomiting throughout, then had the colicky, waking-hourly-til-two PND-inducing baby. Got made redundant on maternity leave with No.2 after a worse pregnancy, and haven’t had a sniff of an interview for anything that would approach DP’s wage. He’s never had to just stay afloat at work between vomiting bouts or PGP or the exhaustion of long-term breastfeeding, and now I can’t catch up to his level so he could go part-time. Whereas as a household we’re used to my low earning power after weathering two maternity leaves and a redundancy.

DS is 15 and I work 30 hours over 3.5 days a week so have 1.5 days a week to myself. I earn over £50k for part time hours and DH earns more than me so we're not relying on benefits, its all fully funded by us so I don't see an issue.