Horrible argument over his smelly socks

[DietCokeAddict94]

I've just had a nasty row with my partner over smelly socks, it sounds ridiculous I know.

He has a problem with sweaty feet. They get so bad he can't put his used socks in with the rest of the washing in the laundry basket because the smell permeates everything and stinks out the whole room.

His solution is to bag them up and keep them in the hallway cupboard until the bag is full then he does his own wash load of just socks.

His work boots are also a problem. The sweating feet are so bad they actually disintegrate the boots after a while.

He has tried various powders and creams, some of which work on a short term basis then he stops with the upkeep. He refuses to see a podiatrist.

Anyway, the smell travels out from the cupboard into the hallway and I've raised it as an issue several times. I don't want that to be the first thing I (or guests) smell when coming in.

He just gets defensive and says "what else can I do?"

I suggested finding some sort of smell proof container and he had never heard of such a thing, acted as though I should have told him about the existence of things like that. My POV is that if he'd bothered to look for solutions he would have found one but it suits him just fine as it is.

I asked him to please find something like that and buy it, he then says he has to prioritise getting his phone fixed, as though he cannot possibly do both.

I was calm and respectful when I raised the issue but it descended into him shouting and me then raising my voice to get my point across (total waste of time, he doesn't listen to anything you say once he's in defense mode)

He changed the subject and started bringing up old arguments.

Am I actually being unreasonable here?

Sorry things aren't good in the relationship, most of which I can't helpyou with, but just sticking to your original problem... A really good tip I learnt for stinky shoes is to put them out in direct sunlight for as long and as often as you can. That really helps kill the smell as it kills the bacteria that create the smell.

As for his feet, if they look okay but just stink (if they look in any way manky he must go to the doctors, some serious, life threatening conditions can be spotted by a problem with the feet), get him to wear only cotton or bamboo socks, synthetic socks make things far worse. Wash the socks in bio washing liquid or powder, Dettol washing sanitiser too on a hot wash. He could also wear thinnish cheap insoles or ones that can be washed that are rotated on a regular basis.

When he's in the bath, he needs bar soap and a scrubbing brush to really get the dead skin off.

And get him to drink lots of water helps to flush the stink.

Can you tell I used to have disgustingly stinky feet? 😂 Honestly, they are a million times better now!

My sisters feet were foul growing up. Turned out she didn’t actually wash them, she thought that the soapy water running over her feet from the rest of her was sufficient to wash.

anyway, dh had nasty smelly Ugg boots for awhile. Could not get rid of the smell. Didn’t want to bin them as they cost a fortune. I ordered this stuff called ‘grans remedy smelly foot powder’ worked wonders smell completely gone. It’s expensive and shipping from nz isn’t cheap but it does really work.

Does your husband have a mental health condition OP? Often this can lead to lack of self care

My opinion here depends a lot on whether the smelly feet are due to poor hygiene or a medical issue.

If the latter, then I actually think it's a shared problem to navigate and you could bear to be bit less insensitive.

My dp has Crohn's Disease, which, while not feet, can have some issues with unpleasant smells in the house, so I can empathise with the worry about guests noticing. But dp can't help it, and it's something really embarrassing for him. He'd be extremely hurt if I took a "can't you just deal with your disgusting smells" attitude.

If it's because he isn't on top of his personal hygiene then that's different and I'm entirely on your side.

But neither of you should be shouting, and i don't think your "he shouted while I just raised my voice to be heard" is an entirely fair framing!

I couldn't live with this. Not the smell, just the immature attitude about health and figuring out solutions like a grown ass man. I'd be giving a very real ultimatum.

Two pairs of boots, alternate wear which gives the first pair a chance to dry out. Also putting them outside, especially on frosty nights (or in the freezer) seems to help too. Source: a very good friend who had the most appallingly stinky feet.

Oh, and the bucket, stick some Zoflora in it with water. I like the mesh net idea, so you can lift the whole lot out without having to touch any of it!

You can keep the bucket (in which to put solution for socks) in the garden if it has a decent lid.

Encourage DH to wear woollen socks as they smell the least of all.
Look into products that one uses inside leather boots to keep the boots smelling fresh.
He might have a fungus that can be treated with an over the counter treatment from the Chemist.
Dry his feet well.
Try asking him to spread Vicks Vapour Rub all over his feet after his bath.

I'm having a coil embolization but I've been waiting over a year despite it being deemed urgent. It's the state of the NHS unfortunately.

Just reading this made me feel a bit sick. If he doesn't have enough respect for you to sort the issue out then he will have to start thinking about living outside of your home. Honestly, the smelly foot thing is almost a red herring here... he sounds selfish, lazy and like an overgrown baby.

He has ZERO respect for you and your children. Otherwise, this would have been sorted out.

He needs to see a doctor. That’s not at all normal

@DietCokeAddict94 he absolutely needs to see a doctor as feet that smelly is NOT normal. Refusing to see a doctor is disrespectful.

I suggest he also changes his socks at least once during the day, then put all the stinky ones in a nappy bin with chemicals.

Reminds me once of a guy I dated a couple of times. We went back to his after a couple of drinks and when he took his shoes off - OMG the smell! I didn't stay long!

If he hasn’t already tried, I suggest Hibiscrub for washing and Peditech foot spray.

Has he just one pair of work boots? Chances are they're not drying out between use so the bacteria just keeps building up. If he had two or ideally 3 pairs it might not be a problem at all. Once the smell has gotten in to the boots there's nothing that can be done, but if they're drying thoroughly between wears the smell won't get a chance to develop

Does he just put his feet in the bath or does he actually scrub between his toes with a soapy flannel to remove the bacteria that cause the smell?

He needs two pairs of work boots that he alternates. Leather breathes better than fake leather. They need to live outside overnight to dry out and get some airflow. A sealed smell-tight box is a terrible idea.
He should try wool socks. Wool doesn’t hold on to smell in the same way. I can’t wear thick heavy cotton knit jumpers because they just stink after a few hours despite deodorant. Wool jumpers don’t. And could change them at midday. The dirty ones should be kept in a breathable bag (cotton tote bag would do it) until he washes them.
And yes to using something antibacterial on his feet after work every day - even old fashioned bar soap works well, then wearing something open (eg. Flip flops) at home so his feet dry out.

Farm supply stores or workplace safety clothing/equipment sellers are good places to look for reasonably priced woollen socks.

This. We used to have an old nappy bucket for my dads and older brothers used socks for exactly this reason.

I suspect he is embarrassed. The smell is usually caused by bacteria so could you spray them with dettol? Carehomes use dissolving bags for sluice. The bags break open once in the washing machine. They can go in the tumble dryer too if necessary. I suspect amazon sell them, they are usually red and the size of a carrier bag. Actually I think you should help him with the problem. Spray his shoes and boots with antibacterial spray and a fungal spray too. Why not wash his socks if they smell bad. Honestly leaving them for days won't help. Buy some laundry disinfectant and keep buying new cheap socks. Always tumble dry.
If you don't want your house to smell of sweaty feet it's best to deal with it than endlessly argue.

You can get some shoe liners that absorb the odour if left overnight???: know how you feel, I have teenage sons and the smell knocks me sideways sometimes. As pp has said a closed bucket with napisan in is a good idea

No reason why it couldn't be put outside as nappy buckets are plastic and have lids.

Napisan deodorises and sanitises shitty nappies before washing - surely it could deal with his socks!

He sounds like a lazy, defensive twat. Not sure I could live with it, to be honest.

https://fresherpack.co.uk/products/cali-black-large-premium-smell-proof-case-lockable-store-your-smoking-stash-18cm-x-24cm?variant=37144461344931&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&srsltid=AfmBOorN5HYJ17fXFRC-vXZh7qGHL_nbntQou2Yh1EctdMlr_X_4Uq6xwjw&gQT=1

this took about 30 seconds to find!

That's ridiculous, over a year! I'm sorry you have to wait so long.
My aneurysm burst and I almost died, didn't even know I had them, anyway they coiled and stented it and I'm ok now thank goodness. They did find that I had 4 other aneurysms and I've had them all treated now so touch wood I'll be OK.
I can't believe that they're making you wait so long, it must be so worrying.
I wish you all the very best and really hope that they get you sorted really soon. Good luck ❤️

Gosh that's terrifying, 5 of them! I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there a genetic component to yours?

Mine was what they called an incidental finding, discovered by chance when I had an MRI for migraine and tinnitus, but my grandmother had (and passed away from) one.

It's incredible that you're still here, I'm really glad you're OK 🙂