To think I must have a mental health problem/not be a nice person/something else wrong to feel like this about other people?

[Iwqp]

I don’t really know how to explain this clearly. I’ve never admitted it in IRL to anyone either. Basically I have noticed that I feel some sort of positive feeling or enjoyment when I hear about a friend or someone I know struggling with something like a break up, job issues etc. It doesn’t extend to truly awful things and I do always always have compassion and understanding, but there is a part of me that sort of enjoys the emotion side of it and going through that with a friend. I feel like there must be something wrong with me to feel this? Has anyone else experienced this?

I think there is a whole spectrum of this pattern. Some can be helpful and nice for the recipient, some may be draining, as many people describe on here. We are human beings and need human interaction, need feel needed.

All those being critical of the OP might reread the original post and note that she is talking about feelings, not harsh words. And then maybe look in the mirror.

I think it's part of human nature and probably something that developed to ensure humans have an interest in others and a reason for supporting others. It can be about feelings of low esteem and knowing something others don't know. You sound like you've got a good awareness and you can have these thoughts and let them go. As long as you arent taking delight in salacious gossip or creating drama or stirring the pot and not inserting yourself in something in an unhelpful way then I think you are doing OK. We are all learning about ourselves and developing over time.

@Teanbiscuits33 i don’t wish bad things on anyone!! It’s definitely not that. It’s more a sense of feeling engaged and helpful should something happen. And also feeling lucky.

Op I think you're being really honest admitting this, even on an anonymous forum! Imo people have all sorts of thoughts and behaviours across a whole spectrum. You've obviously got high self awareness and don't act on things you know would cross a line. Honest and self aware are great character traits. Don't judge yourself too harshly. In case you are!

Well then that’s more normal then. It’s okay to get positive feelings about helping people. I was imagining you were finding delight in it at first.

Please take no notice of the self righteous critics here. You’re fine. Your thoughts are fine. We all have thoughts that we’d prefer not to. It’s part of being human. Anyone who claims otherwise is denying reality.

I have an aunt like this. For years I thought it was because she was a kind, selfless person but, as she’s got older I’ve realised that she helps people because of what she gets out of it and the help always has to be on her terms. Interestingly, as she’s got older she’s become more isolated because of it.

Btw, not saying you are anything like this op! Your situation sounds more like you like being needed and useful.

Put like that, does it seem so bad? You’re not alone in feeling like that. I do sometimes but only when the level of crisis is low. For something like a major bereavement I just feel pain and no pleasure .

So why mention your aunt?

Perhaps if you’re going to be the one to criticise others and tell them to read the posts properly, you’d do well to do the same yourself. I’ve already apologised for misinterpreting the OP a couple of times.

Maybe it’s feeling needed because this person is going through a bad time and you aren’t so you have the extra capacity to support.

No one lives a charmed life and never experiences pain or loss and it’s not like there’s a certain amount doled out and if someone else is suffering it means you’ve dodged a bullet though. Also check if you can be there for people when their lives are going well too. I’ve had people drop me as a friend when things are looking up and it was so hurtful to realise they only wanted me as a friend so they could feel thinner or more successful than someone.

You were imagining. You were projecting. Maybe read posts properly before condemning people?

It’s a complete pain when people do this.

’I sometimes feel like this.’

’You sound JUST like my aunt, who …’

argghh. No she doesn’t!

Did I mention you specifically? But if the cap fits…

You quoted one of OP’s posts specifically replying to me 🤣🤣🤣

It reminds me of’Be kind’. So passive aggressive

You see how you’re making this all about you? Poor OP

I suspect a lot of people enjoy drama. I think it only really becomes a problem if you start creating drama for your own entertainment, or start hoping bad things will befall your friends for your amusement.

Look up Scott Lyons Addicted to Drama. About 75% of mumsnet contributions are motivated by the same thing.

I wouldn't worry too much OP, lots of people enjoy a bit of drama. Why else would things like soap operas or AIBU exist? No one is perfect and at least you are self aware enough to know your negative traits so you can keep them in check.

No, I’m not. You literally quoted a post OP made in which she specifically replied to me and you said people were self righteous, so naturally I took that to include me, even though, if you’d bothered to read the thread properly like you’ve been telling everyone else to do in your own self righteous, you’d see that I’d already apologised. But whatever…

i apologize for not having registered your username among all others. IMO you are unpleasantly self righteous

I don’t care what you think to be honest.

I think maybe it could depend on whether you feel someone deserves the bad thing that you are happy about.

eg Friend 1 loses job: friend 1 was someone who took the piss - took on minimal work, didn’t help the team, deliberately made herself unavailable so others would have to carry a heavier load, on her wfh day she did 1 hour work and then swanned off pleasing herself. She loses job = reasonable to feel satisfaction because she deserved it.

Friend 2 loses job: friend 2 was diligent, loyal, hardworking and friendly. All responsibilities dealt with. She loses her job in a redundancy exercise because the boss is shagging the other person who was up for redundancy. = very unreasonable to feel happy she lost her job.